| Chuck Norris |
02-10-2008 01:00 AM |
Chuck just can't believe his recruitment is almost over! (tear)
Round 4: Preference
Chuck decided that an occasion like Preference merited a significant increase in the Chuck factor. Yes, an up-Chuck was positively required. Chuck wore a really awesome silk suit, snakeskin tie, and ostrich-feather lined cowboy boots. Chuck looked like money and he DID know it.
As Chuck approached what he now likes to call his “War Cabana,” Chuck noticed a crowd had been drawn around one of the girls. Double-legacy-phi-mu girl was as pissed as Tom Brady was last time Chuck gave him the smack down. There was a new Rho Chi under the Cabana … none other than the NPC chairman, Ms. Julie Burkhard. Legacy girl had her finger in Burkhard’s face and was threatening that “if something isn’t done fast, my parents will have all the greek orgs thrown off of the campus!” Legacy girl continued, “my mom is in the Dean’s office right now and if you don’t do something about this, she will. For me to be dropped by all the houses right before preference must be a result some type of prejudice against me or some conspiracy amongst the sororities. Sororities are so silly, superficial and ridiculous and this proves it.” Ms. Burkhard looked confused, and asked, “if they’re so silly and superficial, then why on earth are you so upset that everyone dropped you?” Legacy girl reached for her phone, saying “you just wait until I tell my Mom about this.” Chuck grabbed the cell phone and crushed it with one fist. Chuck told legacy girl “Consider yourself no-rec-ed. By Chuck.”
After legacy girl was gone (there were several waxing crescent moon kicks involved), the group split up into groups based on which Preferences they were to attend. First up for Chuck was Kappa Alpha Theta.
Kappa Alpha Theta - Chuck was immediately greeted by kung fu Theta, who had a large smile on her face. Kung fu theta said “Chuck, I was so happy to see you again, tonight. I want you to know that while others may not understand sporadic, insuppressible violence, I do. America and Theta needs you to have a chance against the Axis of Evil. You know what Chuck, I’m not supposed to say stuff like this, but you’re my Rush Crush!” This angered and confused Chuck. Chuck immediately threw kung fu Theta into a table of sparkling cider and yellow-iced kite cookies. Chuck said, “Whose rush is crushed now?” The Thetas then explained to Chuck what a “rush crush” was. Chuck said, “Oh.” The Theta preference continued and was very nice.
Pi Beta Phi – Chuck was immediately greeted by a Pi Phi that he had connected with on the first night. He noticed that all of the other PNMs were being greeted with arrow-shaped cookies with the PNMs’ names thoughtfully written on them in icing. Chuck thought this was very nice, until the Pi Phi preffing him handed him his cookie. Instead of arrow shaped, Chuck’s cookie was shaped like a Glock. Chuck was touched because it was obvious the Pi Phis had taken the time to know the real Chuck. The Pi Phi Preference really showed Chuck what it would be like to be a sister there.
Zeta Tau Alpha – At the Zeta Preference, Chuck was also very impressed. Southern-Zeta greeted Chuck at the door and complimented him on his snakeskin tie. Chuck knew it was a badass tie, but acted very gracious. Then, Little-Zeta came into the conversation, as well, to echo Southern-Zeta’s admiration of Chuck’s tie. Southern-Zeta seemed uncomfortable and motioned for Little-Zeta to go away. Chuck said, “What’s the matter, ladies? Plenty of Chuckalicious Norris to go around, you know. Southern-Zeta explained that “hot boxing” was strictly prohibited and Zetas are very respectful of recruitment rules. Chuck raised his eyebrows, “Well, that’s one rule that has to go. Any sisters that want to hotbox each other is okay in Chuck’s book.” Southern-Zeta blushed, the proper lady that she is, and explained what hotboxing is in recruitment slang. Chuck thought this highly uninteresting. Southern-Zeta led Chuck to a table of turquoise-chocolate dipped strawberries and they talked some more. Chuck was really comfortable with the Zetas and was starting to feel like Zeta could be his future family! What better home for a Kung Fu King than with a crown on his head – and Chuck is all about bringing justice to all!
Chuck was stumped. It would be a really tough choice ranking these three excellent groups. But then, Chuck suddenly knew the solution to his bid card conundrum and immediately began to work his Chuck-magic on it as he filled it out...
Stay tuned! Will Chuck end up Pi Phi’s Angel of Death? The Zeta King of Justice? Or will Chuck fight liberals everywhere as Theta’s newest secret weapon?
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