As a parent of three kids, who were born 4 years apart, I want to weigh in. Life changes and sometimes we just can't help that. We brought our oldest home from the hospital to a sweet starter house. Our second to a very nice house in suburbia with a housekeeper. And our third to the house we live in now which is flights above the prior homes. (Not a step or two). Life changes. And kids don't get the "same" stuff. My son freely says that while the three siblings were raised by the same people he was an "only" which neither of his sisters were and he had no idea that we once lived in a small sweet house with only 2 bathrooms. Their early childhood was different...not better not worse...different.

It saddens me that people assume that a family can just cut down on lattes and then can afford something else. That being said: OP schools often recommend that kids not work their first year. Save for medical school...totally untrue. People waste time..a lot. To view that as a done deal, be it for money for a sorority of a nicer dorm room or a trip to Cabo is nonsense. Many houses have scholarships and award money. (At least they do here).

Life can be unfair. But parents (good parents, and I believe the OP is a good parent) find a way of thinking out of the box. Your child is not a "child". She can help sort this out and NOT by dropping houses. (I will say that after my daughter's recruitment I was kind of happy that my daughter didn't like the uber expensive house.)

Let her rush her heart. Let her find the way to help out.

Well if YOU are old, then that makes ME old as well and I simply refuse to accept that! :)

I'm just quoting again, because this is SO true. Ours were all in the recruitment booklet itself.

Seriously though, that document is fabulous. Off topic:I am amazed by some of the amenities. The parking lots for all members?

We had that at my alma mater (several chapters, but not "huge" chapters).

I did chuckle at ADPi new member out-of-house dues being listed as $12,099 for fall semester. Hope that's a typo lol

I'm perfectly fine with not having a house on my campus but some of those amenities are quite tempting...a frozen yogurt machine IN HOUSE!? :eek: Also my stomach is grumbling looking at some of those meal plans and snacks they offer.

As for dues, they were given to us during recruitment broken down item-by-item during each sorority's open house presentation. At any point after that, if we forgot, I'm pretty sure our gamma chis had that information readily available. I don't understand why anyone would want to hide fees from PNMs and their families, especially during this economy.

That being said, I'm pretty sure most groups offer scholarships for sisters should financial need arise. Looking at the FSU pdf, some of the chapters on campus even list scholarship offerings and monetary amounts that sisters can apply for right there (i.e. Theta, ZTA).

This is the crux of it. Everyone saying "oh, everyone lost money in the last few years, things are not secure anymore, life changes blah blah blah...." that has nothing to do with it, and I don't think jll ever tried to play that card. She simply didn't inform herself well enough in advance, and/or misinterpreted the info she was given (to quote one of my "becoming a woman" books, normal isn't the same thing as average). As a result, she is stuck in an impossible situation.

My original answer still stands. If you have to tell your daughter that she can't afford certain chapters, and her working is really not an option, she should drop out of rush altogether ASAP. It will be much more heartbreaking for her - not to mention her sisters to be - if she grows to love sorority life and then 5 weeks into pledging, realizes she has to drop out because of the fees.

It would be one thing if she was choosing a dorm, and some were more expensive than others, and you had to say "you can live in dorm a or b but not c, d, or e." Sorority rush simply does not work that way.

I can totally understand the frustration from the moms on here. I know how this can come about where the Panhellenic didn't put the dues into the handbook. They don't want someone to make the costs their deciding factor or to judge one sorority as better than another based on the dues.

Aside from that, one of the problems these very large chapters have is that they are dealing with really big budgets and a membership that is constantly in flux. They could be told as late as pref night that well quota will be 60 + or - 20. They don't want to write a budget and then change what they said to higher - and then NMs feel misled, and they don't want to put to change it to lower later and has someone make their choice based on what they saw in the handbook.

Its hard enough in a strong chapter where people want to take advantage of the house, but its even harder when you have to spread costs of the house to unhoused members, to encourage people to stay in the house. On our campus dues are actually pretty close to the same, but some chapters are constantly having to use a crystal ball to predict how many women will decide not to initiate or how many will resign before senior year. (All of a sudden I can see how bed quota sounds like a good idea....) We try to provide an estimate before recruitment.

The finance director should sit down at the first new member meeting and lay out 1) what the dues are 2) what they cover 3) estimated costs of everything they don't cover 4) how much is due before initiation 5) how much is due by the end of the semester 6) what the policy on the payment plan or a promise note is.
If the exact amount of dues is not available - because of a crazy recruitment or not blessed by the international office - a list from last years amounts should be available.

jll, I look forward to hearing how it all washes out for you and your daughter and I'm hoping for the best. And maybe this firestorm will serve some good, ie. getting some of these schools to be more up front about their costs and showing how it can be done effectively by example. I'm hoping this was all moot and her choices at preference were among the more mid-market options and you weren't forced to do any of the negatives that were mentioned. It did occur to me if what you received were averages and what you learned was WAY higher, then that must mean (by the law of averages) that some of them were substantially lower and you really had nothing to worry about. Here's hoping this was all much ado about nothing.

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

This. Yes, this.

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

I didn't think of it as a warning of anything. There's nothing bad to come, except maybe your embarrassment when you realize how far you are off about at lot of stuff in that comment.

HQWest, you nailed it. This is the problem with quoting costs! I'd bold everything you wrote, but that would defeat the purpose, so I'm just quoting your entire post and saying "ditto." It is SO HARD to figure out financials, and at best it is an estimate because there are so many variables from year to year.

Pot, meet kettle.