Article written by a guy at Vanderbilt, but I thought y'all would get a kick out of it.

"The many tears of sorority rush"
http://www.insidevandy.com/drupal/node/15910

love it!! thanks lanesig.

That is toooo funny!

This thread was started long before I was a GC member. Ehem, I was a high school sophomore in 2001. So, I did not read all 16 pages of responses. But, I am going to respond to the initial topic of the thread.

"You'll end up where you're meant to be."

In theory, I have no problem with the above statement. As far as I'm concerned, it's true-very true. My problem with the statement is how it is applied. No one ever qualifies the statement with-"You'll end up where you're meant to be which may not be in an NPC sorority."

For all intents and purposes, a PNM reading this should disregard the ΑΓΔ letters under my signature. I did not have a successful recruitment at a non-competitive school. As a sophomore with a solid GPA, campus involvement, and an outgoing personality, I was heartbroken.

As the year progressed, I found homes in two great organizations--Sigma Alpha Iota and Phi Sigma Pi. Both of these are fantastic organizations that provided me with all the trappings of an NPC sorority. We performed rituals, had bigs/lils, elected leaders, held recruitment, voted on initiate classes, and sponsored all-campus events. Both of my chapters even won all campus awards during my undergrad days--beating out NPCs and NPHCs.

I did have a home at my university, but it wasn't with the NPCs. I do believe that everyone who searches will find a greek home. But, telling a PNM, that "life goes on after recruitment" isn't enough. They need to know that there are other "homes" available and waiting for them.

More like "opening the doors for girls to start out at a school with a super-easy recruitment, transfer to the über-competitive school to try to join the chapter there, then have to go early alum because the chapter doesn't take affiliates."

Co-sign

Also, collegiate GLOs aren't the only greek homes you can find either.

Bumping because this will issue will be current again in a short few months.

Hoping that a lot of actives and alums will see this because in all truth, especially in a big recruitment where women frequently fall through the cracks: you don't always end up where you're meant to. Telling PNMs this often sets them up for a fall. You can't "trust the system", though it would be fabulous, but people are fallible and I'm so heartsick every year when wonderful girls do what they're supposed to and get dropped.

"The system" is not magic, it is not (as I keep saying) the Sorting Hat. I wish it were. Sometimes what happens is purely a numbers game.

Hang in there, PNMs, do your best. We're behind you!

I was lucky enough to end up where I belong, but the process of getting there was really awful. In a weird way, though, I'm glad it happened, because if it didn't, I wouldn't know the amazing women who are now some of my best friends.

On a sort of related note, I know it's been said a million times, but do keep an open mind when you rush. I remember getting an unfavorable impression of one house from convo days, thinking that the girls didn't seem the brightest and not like people I'd get along with. Turns out I now have a bunch of friends in that house who are nothing like my impression of the women I talked to! Had things, for whatever reason, gone a different way and I'd ended up in that house despite having written them off initially, I think I could have been happy there too.

That's another thing: while I absolutely adore my sisters and wouldn't trade them for anything, at most schools with lots of (I'll say more than eight) chapters and houses that have plenty of girls (I'll say over 50), you're bound to find a few houses where you will fit right in, and there will be girls who could easily be your best friend (no matter what their house's "rep" is) in every house. There will probably also be a few houses where you wouldn't necessarily fit in with the entire house for the long-term, but you'd still probably meet some amazing women and make some great friends—and if, by the time initiation rolls around, you know it's not the right house for you, then you can drop (I'll probably get flack for advising that, but I don't see why girls should get initiated into chapters they won't be happy in, effectively forbidding them from ever joining another sorority where they might fit in much better).

I can't really speak for SEC/other schools where recruitment is at such an insane level, but it seems to me that at schools that are non-competitive (for the PNMs) to moderately competitive, you probably will end up where you're supposed to be. Or at least, you'll have the opportunity to end up where you're supposed to be—no one but you can make you take advantage of that opportunity!

I have a feeling this wasn't entirely coherent (I've been in a vaguely incoherent mood all day), so let me know if you need me to clarify any of that...

LOL. Probably.

I think it's sort of like guys. There are a lot of guys who would be a good boyfriend/husband for me. There's no such thing as one "Mr Right." There's a lot of "Mr. Close Enoughs."

My best advice would be...keep a safety chapter so you don't fall through the cracks. Like KSUviolet, I think very few girls couldn't find a way to fit in at most chapters.

*bump*

The spam is killin' me.

Bump

what about those girls that turned down Yale/Duke/ND to go to SEC school for the experience of Saturday football and Greek Life?

Have heard that some sororities don't want top scholars - figure they are so interested in academics that they will neglect the sorority. I don't know which sororities believe that because almost all want a good GPA and those top scholars will likely have more money to give back as alums.

I don't know about the first part, but we talked here recently about chapters not wanting women who skipped grades.

Also, many people who are high achievers in school are also introverts, and not necessarily the type who will shine in FR. I suspect THAT is the issue more than chapters specifically holding high GPAs against people.

I agree.

I would also add that those girls who turned down Yale/Duke/ND and decided to attend an SEC school for the experience of Saturday football and SEC Greek Life, most likely know what they need to do to maximize their chances to be Greek at that SEC school.

I don't know if it's appropriate to bump such an old thread; but I wanted to offer up my experience as an example. I graduated from a pretty small private school, and was incredibly involved in all aspects of campus life. I did varsity sports, led in the clubs I joined, and maintained competitive grades while earning top leadership positions my senior year. When I moved to (in my opinion) a large college, I was overwhelmed and knew I needed to get involved in organizations to gain a community feel and find my place.

My university had deferred recruitment, so my first semester, I joined a club sport that I'd done all through high school. That was a great way for me to make instant friends, but it still didn't offer the "whole package" that sorority life does (service, sisterhood, social, all of that), so I was eager to join Greek Life. Recruitment... did not go well for me. At all. I can't honestly figure out what it was, other than I didn't communicate the great qualities I had to offer (the process was admittedly pretty intimidating to me) and while I could picture myself as a sorority woman, and my friends could, too... it just didn't work out that year. I had great conversations with certain women, but others lacked that spark.

A year and a half later, a sorority was re-colonizing on my campus, and I decided to give it a shot. I still was not exactly happy with the organizations I was previously a part of and this sorority in particular struck me as an amazing opportunity. I received a bid... and I could not be more grateful that I joined my organization instead of during my freshman year. As a junior, I was able to become a leader in my sorority immediately, which is one of the strongest qualities I have. Even had I joined my freshman year, I might have fallen through the cracks or gotten lost among the sisters. I may never have gotten a leadership position or met the amazing women I now call sisters.

I didn't believe "you'll end up where you're meant to" my freshman year... but now I realize I was meant to take charge with my sorority's re-founding and build a strong foundation. I do believe amazing women with great qualities simply don't have a great recruitment experience... it's almost impossible to figure out why one girl made it through instead of another; however each girl can find a different place on campus where her qualities will shine through, whether that's an academic org, pre-med fraternity, business fraternity, service organization, club sport, or student government.

sweetongreek

I'm so happy that the experience did work out for you and that you did "end up where you meant to" but the larger reality is still that this is not true for many many girls.

I transferred to an SEC school as a sophomore looking for a better academic experience than I had my freshman year and also a better traditional college experience. After attending a school with low levels of involvement and enthusiasm I wanted football games and school spirit and greek life. Unfortunately despite being (at least in my opinion) extremely involved on campus, friends with many members of greek organizations, academically focused, and having clear reasons for wanting to join a sorority I was entirely cut from rush before pref as sororities chose for their upperclassman quotas the close friends of the girls who had joined the year before as freshman. At a large school like you can be a perfect candidate for greek life and still get passed over.

I cannot count how many times I had been told that I would "end up where I am supposed to" and its heart breaking to read those threads and hear those words over and over again when it doesn't work out. Am I truly "supposed to" end up in this position? Unaffiliated, bitter at the recruitment process, and unbearably sad on the nights my friends traipse off to chapter?

Bumping this one! :)

Bumping for recruitment season 2016!

While I realize that sweetongreek's post is quite old, her thoughts and feelings are often experienced by those who do not end up in Greek life. I'd like to address it.

She asks if she is "supposed to" end up "unaffiliated, bitter at the recruitment process, and unbearably sad." Perhaps she was truly supposed to not be in Greek life. It is not for everyone. However, being "bitter at the recruitment process and unbearably sad" are issues that anyone who wants to be Greek, but doesn't join an organization, must work through. No one is "supposed to" end up bitter or unbearably sad. That's a ridiculous conclusion to make, and anyone experiencing that level of emotional turmoil over a long period of time due to not placing in an organization during Recruitment needs to seek help to deal with those emotions.

The truth is that NOT EVERYONE should be Greek. NOT EVERYONE will end up placed in an organization. But everyone WILL end up where they belong- either in or outside of Greek life. I have many friends who did not go Greek and became involved in other organizations that shaped their lives in so many positive ways, that it is difficult to imagine that being in a sorority or fraternity could have added anything else.

Anyone not placing during Recruitment is always encouraged to try again- realizing that the results may be the same. Being able to finally accept where you end up is the emotionally healthy and mature way to react to one of life's many many many difficult and uncertain situations.

Actually, sweetongreek eventually got a bid. km124 is the bitter one.

If she had friends in sororities, it would have been nice if they had shared with her that her chances as a sophomore without many CLOSE friends in chapters weren't great, before she decided to transfer.

OK, whether it was sweetongreek, km#### or Jon Snow, my message is the same.

No person is "supposed to" end up bitter and sad over sorority Recruitment. :eek:

This was in response to someone upthread who wanted to write a book about recruitment competitiveness by campus. Great response, LXA! I hope she never wrote it.

Bumping for opinions? It's an old thread but if anything, RFM has made more PNMs have to think about this.

Not saying that KM124 did this, but many a PNM has made the wrong choices when voting on the chapters to return to. They are not true to themselves. They choose the perceived top groups, who don’t have them on their radars, and where they don’t stand a chance. They rank the chapters where they stood the best chance. They don’t play the game right.

Apparently some SEC rushees aren't getting the message they aren't good enough for the "lower" groups on their campus, as pledge numbers (and numbers of open/reopened NPC chapters) have boomed considerably at SEC schools since this thread was begun.

I forgot who said it here, but a PNM should picture herself "during finals week, with messy hair, living in sweats, and in need of a shower." and I took that to heart. I don't blame 18 year olds in thinking "oh I'm hot stuff ABC is a low even when they invited me back over DEF who is the one others kill to get into." since I was there once. It takes maturity in knowing where you fit conversation/vibe wise, but with many going through fall recruitment and having that be their first campus exposer, it's sadly normal.

I do remember that during virtual recruitment, a lot of this was thrown out the window with there being zero tent talk between PNMs, so not only a lot of girls were going with their gut rather than appearance, but many "low" chapters were making quota.

.

During this same virtual recruitment time frame, both strong and weak NPC chapters were experiencing closures and membership attrition due to members desiring wild, radical changes from the orgs they'd managed to join but failed to completely and legitimately understand. So despite low groups achieving quota during virtuals, some still had to close.

And going back to carnation's twenty-year-old OP: is the NPC thinking of returning to pre-RFM days for the sake of interested young women who ONLY want to join a PARTICULAR sorority? Is there a hope by The Most Wanted Sororities to satisfy the needs of many discriminating PNM students to join Only The Best Groups by allowing all Most Favorite Groups to pledge as many women as they want and/or who want them?

Would the NPC then lose member groups whose membership size, degree of love from rushees and finances may be smaller than those of the Favorite Groups?

PERFECT. Because I well remember the days of, say, half a campus's groups getting massive pledge classes and a couple more pulling up to quota after a month, and everybody else struggling all year.

bump for fall 2023!

This is such a great post! The "everyone ends up where they're supposed to!!!" narrative is not true, and I wish people would stop saying it to PNMs.

IMO, they need to be more honest with PNMs about the fact that recruitment (especially in the early rounds) is largely a numbers game, and because there simply isn't enough time for chapters to get to know everyone as well as they would like to, a lot of great girls will be dropped from houses where they would have fit in, and where the girls really liked them but knew other PNMs better and didn't have spots for everyone. It doesn't mean that they're an outcast who didn't fit in anywhere, but that's what these heartbroken PNMs hear when they've been heavily cut or dropped completely and are told, "everyone ends up where they are supposed to."

Somethings just aren't meant to be
 

I know several women who participated in rush/recruitment at different colleges and universities but for some reason choose to withdraw from rush, turned a down a bid or were released early in recruitment process. No woman regretted her final decision nor did any woman regret participating in rush/recruitment

All of the women were grateful for the opportunity to get a peek into sorority life and for the opportunity to see if sorority life was right for them. Several of the women said that they made lasting friendships with the women they met in their rush groups and/or in the dorms during the recruitment process. More than one of the women married men who were fraternity members.

A couple of women were wistful, saying that maybe at a another campus or at another time, they might have pledged a sorority.

All of the women said that they had positive college experiences. As one friend said "There is life after college -- careers, family etc."

Well, they all end up on Planet Earth :)

When talking to any PNM who has been released or whose only remaining invitations were to struggling houses that are widely mocked and ridiculed (and regardless of our feelings on this, it's a reality on most campuses)... I think it's important to try to look at it through the perspective of a teenage girl who is likely experiencing the first major rejection of her life and feels completely unwanted and alone; not that of an adult with years of life experience to draw from. When you're decades removed from it or have never been through it, it's so easy to be dismissive of the emotional devastation that a disappointing recruitment can leave in its wake.

Yes!!!^^^

Please allow me the dignity of bemoaning the fact that women are permitted to get to college age without experiencing what she feels is a major rejection.