Thank you. But this is hard won restraint.

When my older daughter chose to go to a class (offered once every four year and a night class) instead of recruitment was I upset when she didn't get invites (no matter what Panhellenic said that excused absences wouldn't hurt you) to houses that she never saw, nor they her? Yes, I was upset for her. Did I want to complain? Yes. I knew the head of Panhellenic. I went shopping instead.

Did I want to approach the girl who blackballed my daughter (older again) to my daughter's favorite house because the sister came out of the closet to my daughter during the last round? Yes, I did. Especially when, on graduation day, she shaved her head and came out to her classmates. (We knew exactly what happened in the voting meeting because one of my daughter's best friends was in the house and 3 plus generations of family friendships trump some confidentiality.)

No, I didn't say a thing. Bit my tongue and went to my daughter's party.

Did I want to say to the Reluctant One "You will go through recruitment. You don't have to pledge...just try it." Yes, I did, want to say it. I bought her a Presents dress instead. And look how that turned out.

Does keeping one's mommy (and daddy) mouth shut always work out for the best? No. But disappointment is a part of life. Success that you earn is far greater than what is given or coerced. And you grow from both. And sometimes what mommy thinks is for the best, isn't.

I should have given props to Erik Conard and said Street Car College. But I knew a lot of more recent GCers wouldn't get that.

I think this needs to be said:

Before you drop out of recruitment because the "top" chapters released you, consider whether those houses are really for you, or whether they're for the girl you wish you were. Every girl who goes through recruitment I think would like to think of herself as being the prettiest, loveliest, most popular, most intelligent, most likeable girl in the recruitment pool. But chances are higher that she's just perfectly lovely and normal, and somewhere in the middle of the pool. We all know that the "top" chapters are usually based on cuteness factor, and I'm tired of the babied women going through recruitment now dropping out altogether because they couldn't handle being told that they weren't "cute enough" (the way they interpret it) to get into the chapter they wanted. LOOK at the chapters and their members, TALK to them, LISTEN to them, and really think about which chapter you fit in with. Chances are that is where you will be the happiest, and your recruitment will be much more pleasant if you accept who you are.

To add onto what PeppyGPhiB said:

A lot of people who drop out because they were cut by certain chapters do so because of what they have heard about those chapters or about the ones remaining. PNMs, don't choose to leave recruitment just because of some stereotype, positive or negative.

I've seen girls leave recruitment because of the "cuteness factor" of a chapter, as PeppyGPhiB puts it, but also because they heard chapters were "the smart chapter," "the most involved chapter," "the most fun chapter," etc. In any case, girls drop out because of how they see themselves fitting into the stereotypes they've heard about these chapters.

Sadly, I've seen several more girls leave recruitment because of negative stereotypes about the chapters they have left, only to later say that they wish they had given so-and-so or such-and-such a chance. "Oh, dgdramadawg," they lament, "why did I listen when Suzie PNM told me that ABC was the worst on campus? Now that I know them, they are actually kind of cool... but I dropped out of recruitment and now it's too late." (Well, they don't actually say it that way, but you get the idea.)

It's all about getting to know the chapters... it's most likely that they all have cute girls, they all have smart girls, they all have super-involved girls, they all have partiers, etc. We say it over and over again on GC, but you need to keep an open mind. Listen to your heart and your own impressions, not to what others tell you about which chapters are best/worst on your campus.

YES.

PNM: You are not "too good" for a chapter. There was nothing more unattractive to me as a recruitment counselor than girls coming to get their invites for Theme or Pref, looking disgusted, and leaving. Or even having the balls to say "I would never, ever run there on Bid Day, how embarrassing". We WILL relay this to our sisters, and if it gets back to the chapter you think you ARE good enough for, you very well might get cut for being such a royal pain. It shows you are both selfish and rude. (I have seen this happen several times, yes. And the reason for cutting was the obnoxious attitude, specifically. Even when the girl was pretty, had good grades, and dressed well.) Sororities are fun and they are helpful in so many ways but they also come with drama, and a lot of responsibility and time commitment. This is true of every chapter, regardless. If you're joining for boys or to boost your social stock you probably aren't going to find the time you spend in chapter and at required events worth it, and you might get sick of people telling you how to behave when you accidentally get out of control at a fraternity party (and they will). Join to get the full experience...and if that's why you're joining, you will be able to keep an open mind.

Sorry, but this made a tangent pop into my head. I know at some schools when you accept your bid, it's basically in front of the whole Greek community - running to the group, announcements and the like. I wonder if this sometimes doesn't deter women who MIGHT have given a lower-tier chapter a chance if instead of such a public display, that maybe sorority members came to individual girls' doors and gave them their bids?

I mean, some people are not going to be happy no matter how bids are given, but the thought of 1) publicly embracing a chapter you're not sure how you feel about yet and 2) having to keep a stiff upper lip when you see girls running to the chapter you had your heart set on would have been enough to freak me out. A more discreet type of celebration - or a presentation after initiation when the women are actually members - just sounds better to me.

You can always tell an overconfident PNM . . . but you can't tell her much.

Amen!

Well...yes and no. MOST of the PNM's have said that they felt better about their second choice when they ran with the rest of their new pledge class and got hugged and told how great they were. Yes, there are some that don't want to run and aren't happy about it, but the majority have reported the excitement helped.

On our campus the sororities line up in front of the building the new members run from and cheer and hold signs and whatever goodies they're giving the new girls. The girls sit through the Recruitment Counselor reveal, then they open their envelopes and run. There are always one or two that open them and look crushed, and I do feel sorry for them. I suicided my sorority, so when I was on the steps I already knew I had a bid to my top choice, so I can't act like I know what it's like to have to sit there and wait when you don't know. I'm sure it's beyond nerve wracking. But that's when the excitement comes in and helps. (PNM's have been given questionnaires in previous years that they answer anonymously and most were enthusiastic about running, even if they indicated they didn't get their top choice). My chapter (and I'm sure most of the others) gets a few every year that did not put us first, and many admit it later and say that once they saw how excited we were to have them, they were won over.

Because most of the girls rushing are freshmen and most are located within two dorms...and because we have sorority halls, not houses, on our particular campus it might not be any better to individually come to the girls' rooms. Those who didn't get bids still see the actives coming to get the new members and hear the celebrations on the halls...and can still see their roomate or the girl down the hall being taken to the hall THEY wanted to move to. At least in the excitement of everyone running together those that are less than thrilled can easily hide it in the confusion.

At my daughter's school the pnms go to their rush counselor and get their bid cards individually. Then they run to their houses. Obviously I wasn't there when my DD received her bid. But, as I wrote in her story, I could hear other girls screaming when my daughter went to get her bid.

Yes, she called me. All I heard was screaming....something something DG!!!!! But here's my take: Some people wanted you. And how wonderfully your world can change. But you have to be willing to take that first step. If you think that you're too good for anyone (please note: I am not saying that if you don't click with a house, because that happens)...be it sorority, a job, a club, a university....you will be left on the side of the road.

But they get a call far ahead enough of time that they know, right? They should be notified if they don't get a bid so they can get the hell out of Dodge.

Do y'all remember that GCer who told us that at her school on Bid Day, all the PNMs would stand hand to hand in a big circle with their eyes shut? And then the Rho Gammas would walk around the circle and tap the shoulder of those who didn't get a bid and those girls backed out of the circle. Those remaining were told to open their eyes and that they'd gotten bids.:eek:

PenguinTrax and I were really upset. Really. I have been to that school's Bid Day since and they give out bids in a decent way now.

Of course...I hope there's no school where PNM's sit on the steps when they don't have a bid. Calls are made before midnight the night before (that's the deadline, but it's usually well before.)