| korkscru |
04-18-2002 07:32 PM |
Wow, this topic is really deep. I just wish that I had responded sooner. What was the question again? Oh yeah...I don't think that the question is so much what makes a good woman (or man, for that matter). The question is more of what makes a good relationship? I've found that many of my friends (who are not married) tend to have this kind of FANTASY about the PERFECT brother whisking them away into the sunset and they live happily ever after. Let me just tell you, in case you don't know,... IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT!!!! And I just CAN'T express that enough. BOTH parties in a relationship are coming with BAGGAGE, ISSUES, HABITS,... and anything else that you can think of. I've said this before and now I'm saying it again, we (men and women) haveto be willing to see the POTENTIAL in a possible mate. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT MATE!!! I think that in MANY cases, people are not single because they WANT to be or because they're not meeting the RIGHT people, but because they place their expectations TOOOOO high or they just aren't ready for a REAL commitment. We must remember that EVERYONE has STUFF that they are going to take into a relationship. The REAL test is looking BEYOND the trivial stuff (such as his toenails are too long or she snorts when she eats or he bites the fork when he eats, or something like that). :D :D The REAL test is if you are willing to stick with that person and HELP them (SHOW that person that you realize that they have been hurt, but YOU'RE different and willing to SHOW them the RIGHT way that they should be treated). Now this does not mean putting up with "mess" such as excessive cheating or physical abuse. In a lot of cases, it's the LITTLE things that mess up a relationship. I've been with my hubby for almost 11 years and we've grown...TOGETHER. Just when I think that I want to get on my high horse and complain about putting up with HIM, I always remember that he's in this thing too. And, on the same token, HE has to deal with ME (and ALL of my "stuff"). A good woman or man is someone who realizes a relationship is all about what you WANT it to be. They realize that it's about GIVE and TAKE. Forget that 50-50 jazz. It's not going to be that way ALL of the time. Some days you're going to be giving 70 and he/she is going to be giving 30. Some days he/she is going to be giving 80 and YOU'LL be giving 20. And then there will be days when you both will be giving 50. Believe me. I KNOW what I'm talking about. I feel that I have a WONDERFUL marriage (most of the time it doesn't seem as if my husband and I are married). BUT... it took a WHOLE LOT of molding, shaping, cultivating, marinating, conversating, eliminating in order for us to get to even THIS point. We were friends FIRST and we had (and STILL have) a mutual understanding that while we realize that we are ONE in this marriage, we're STILL individuals.
In a nutshell, it's all about what YOU think that a relationship should be along with what the other person wants it to be. And I've found that many people have a FALSE sense of what it means to have a GOOD woman or man.
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