LIG, please really consider the following. We do not know you outside of your posts and, unfortunately, they are becoming more about your injured feelings than about your daughter. From what we can discern, your daughter doesn't have hurt feelings and is progressing well in a very challenging recruitment! Excellent! Stepping back is to extricate your sensitivities from hers so that you can listen and help without clouded judgment. Deep breaths, and if you have a Trader Joe's nearby, the Gypsy Chariot is actually quite good.

It's interesting how we've given you advice. You see, I have been a sorority WOMAN for over 30 years, and thus know how things have changed in no small part due to my continued involvement as a member and adviser to both my sorority and NPC alumnae groups, involvement which has been noted and even, said at the risk of being immodest, recognized and awarded. I moved on from college, went to graduate school, had a family (4 children - 1 a Gamma Phi), friends . . . by the amount of posts we have, you could say that we are obviously often off our computers and living lives that include living out our sorority creeds. The amount of posts show that we are, in fact, helping others, a fact you have tacitly acknowledged by your asking for that self same help. You need only look at the many helpful stickied threads to see the effort we go to in order to help young women find their sorority homes.

I certainly hope your daughter has a better attitude than you. No, really, I do. The sins of the helicopter mothers should not be visited on the daughters, and the fact that you became snarky when not given the advice you wanted - well, let's hope she is more gracious should things not go her way. I truly hope she finds her home in a sorority.

This is excellent advice. Her favorite sorority today might not be her favorite in the next round, and she may yet fall in love with a completely different sorority by the time it's time to decide. All you have to do is read some of the recruitment stories on here to see how often that is the case.

/lane swerve/

I just HAD to borrow this for my signature! Priceless.....it should also go in the "Things You Shouldn't Out Loud At Work" thread.....I wonder if I can get a poster made of this???

/swerve over/

Please come back and give us an update on IU recruitment!

There is nothing to update yet. Preference begins in a bit. Bid Day isn't until Tuesday.

Tuesday Night is Bid Night at IU.

Sorry to keep you on the edge of your bar seats all day...

My daughter is a Freshman who has gone through Rush for the past few weeks. After reading the blogs online, I was dreading the possibility that she wouldn't get a bid on bid night. She had a pretty good and full rush. On Saturday, she said that she didn't feel a connection with any of the chapters she saw that day. I encouraged her to stay with it, and after Sunday it was not any better for her so she dropped. Do I think that there was a possible fit for her somewhere in the Greek system? Yes. But I am happy that she did what was right for her, and didn't settle for a group that wasn't right for her. Yes. On some of the blogs, girls were calling those who dropped early "brats" because they didn't get what they wanted. I am actually proud of my daughter for knowing that what was offered was not for her. There is so much beyond this at IU. Encourage your daughters to go for all that is offered beyond Greek Life!

I am glad your daughter is looking outside Greek life if that is what she thinks will make her happy. I think everyone would agree that a large school like Indiana has so much to offer every student!

I personally think that the term you used "settle for," is not a good one. I can't imagine that any group with 100+ members would be a group to settle for, to me 100+ members sounds like a thriving organization! With that many different women, I personally think every woman going through recruitment could click with a group of ladies within the chapter. As a sorority woman, I was never best friends with every woman in my chapter, and I did not have a connection with them all. It is hard to connect with 125 different women. And this is the same for everyone I know personally. But I was lucky enough to have found a core group of wonderful friends in my chapter. I really believe that if given the chance, an individual could fit in with many different chapters on a campus not just the ones they really felt a connection with during recruitment. I know I would have been happy as a member of many different organizations at my university.

I do wish your daughter the best, and hope she finds something to connect her to the University that she enjoys!

If we read the same blog, the reason the girls were being called "brats" is because they rejected the currently unhoused chapters out of hand "because they wanted the house experience." One one hand I agree; on the other hand, if a girl is going to be pining and whining and not able to let it go, better for them to drop. I think the girls who said that are trying to be Panhellenic and support the currently unhoused groups, but what they might not get is that if you are in a chapter that's outside the "top" you need people to be all in and happy and proud with what they have. Girls who are only there because any letters were better than no letters don't help the chapter with growth or retention.

Scrabblemomb - first, I totally agree that iUs recruitment is messed up. I will not argue with you there. And I'm totally fine with your daughter doing what's best for her, but I think it's good for women to finish the process and go to preference round even if they think it's not a good fit. No one is forced to sign a preference card after the round. it may be their only chance to go Greek at IU so why not see it out. Just as PNMs get mad at sororities for cutting them after only a few conversations, the same could be said to girls who refuse to move forward bc they don't know these chapters very well either and many are basing decisions on reputations from that same website that calls them "brats" for dropping out. Also, many of the women in those chapters were in your daughters shoes, yet made a different choice and are happy. Btw, stay off that site, it's toxic! I don't think girls who drop out are brats but I do think they are making decisions based on feeling hurt or disappointed rather than seeing the big picture, but I totally agree it's their choice.

My daughter listed 3 houses on her card and will pledge any of the 3 if she is fortunate to receive a bid. She's a sophomore so she probably has a different perspective on recruitment and the chapters than a freshman, but has decided she wants to be Greek for the sisterhood experiences and campus experiences such as iudm and little 5 where she said the Greeks just seem to be having more fun.

Best wishes to your daughter. There is a lot to offer at IU and I hope she finds what she's looking for.

I am a newbie - I am a mom who has never been in a sorority and really had no clue about the process until recently. My daughter is a freshman at IU and just went through rush. I have a lot of thoughts (good and bad) about the Greek system at IU. While being selective can be a good thing, the system at IU seems very broken to me. I have read back through YEARS of posts calling for IU to improve the recruitment process. Either no one is listening or no one cares. It seems to me that adding live-in space for houses is a no-brainer. Supply and demand. Could it be that IU would miss out on revenue from housing? Just a thought...

Some background: My daughter transferred to IU this semester, so while she transferred in with a 3.25 GPA, I don't think the houses could see it. I believe the GPA info was given to her RG as "above" the requirement. She came from high school with a 3.4 GPA, four year cheerleader, student council, various clubs. As students at IU go, I think she's on par with the norm. Being an IU student has been her goal for several years. Being in a sorority was a huge part of the picture for her.

Recruitment went like this:
22 round - some clear favorites; had two rec letters for one house
16 round - only received eight houses: three very promising possibilities, one "wait and see", and three "un-housed"
9 round - received four houses; one she felt a connection with and (again) the same three un-housed
Preference - received three (again the un-housed)
Bid - who knows? Bids come tonight.

I have been up and down with her emotionally through this process. As I have been reading though this thread, I see some criticism of girls who get bids but choose not to pledge. After talking with my daughter and trying to help her explore her options, I believe that is the route she will take. Ultimately it is her decision, but her words to me were "I shouldn't pledge to a house that I don't feel comfortable in. It wouldn't be right." I am supporting her decision, whatever it may be. Part of maturing is making your own decisions and living with the consequences, good and bad.

She says she will try recruitment again, and she has a plan of action (raise GPA, find activities and groups on campus to join, ask for more rec letters, etc.) If it were me, I don't think I'd have the strength to do it again. I applaud her for not giving up on her goal. I am so proud of her.

Thanks to all who post their stories here, it's nice to know that she's not alone. Best of luck to all the PNMs, with or without bids. And thanks for letting me vent!

This seems to happen every year. We continue to hear the same stories. Daughter with (seemingly) good GPA and looks goes through recruitment and does not like that she doesn't get accepted back to her top choice houses. Then, daughter decides she just doesn't "connect" or "see herself" in those houses and drops. Daughter or mother then comes to GC and tells everyone that everything will be okay and the girl is better off not taking a bid from a chapter she believes she is too good for (generally the unhoused chapters now) but, everything will change next year should she decide to go back through recruitment. Cue the complaints about the bed quota and how IU is just so unfair. That's a synopsis of what is seen every year.

Though my organization is not one of the unhoused chapters, I will say that no chapter at IU is a bad chapter. In all honesty, I feel bad for the ladies who go through and do not get a bid, as I understand that can happen at IU. Girls who just drop out in a recruitment that is so cut-throat that any chapter would be a blessing, do not make me feel bad. Also, I'm going to agree with other posters who corrected the one woman who believed her daughter would be "settling" for a chapter. At IU, no one just "settles" for a chapter.

And then cue the "that's not what I said or what I mean and you old biddies on GC are just mean." But we all know ALL of the euphemisms. And in case you were wondering, the 3 categories you went with were good, meh and unhoused. Or in other words, good, medium and bad. And any attempt to revise that statement will just be back-pedaling and trying to not sound superior.

Your daughter is more than welcome to try again next year, and she may well have a better outcome next go round. But don't pretend you weren't saying what you really were. If she wants a house and is willing to wait another year and risk no sorority experience at all, then that's great. But don't call it "not fitting in" or "connection." Those chapters are huge; she'd have found plenty of gals to connect with.

IndianaSigKap and Hoosier Girl (and any other IU alumnae), isn't harder to secure a place as an upperclassman at IU? If so, the cards that these PNMs are now holding may be the best that they will be dealt at any time. My sense is that the only criterion that might improve their future chances is being BFFs with half the chapter....