This makes the most sense to me. It's confusing as an active to explain to a new member why she got your house instead of the one she obviously wanted more. What are you going to say? "They didn't want you enough"? It's hard to explain the process in a way that won't sound hurtful, so I'm sure many sisters try to spin it into how much their chapter does love that new member.

Trying to explain the process without going into technical details can VERY EASILY become "We wanted you more than they did", because it's sorta essentially true. The problem is that it sounds an awful lot like the secondary chapter usurped the first chapter's claim on a PNM by wanting her more.

I am not going to throw gasoline on this fire. I do want to add some constructive criticism in case there is a real Here Comes The Sun out there who genuinely wants to go through recruitment next year. She mentioned earlier in the story that her grades were not as strong as they should be. The "bottom of the bottom" chapter ASU cut her. I have an inking I know who this chapter is and most likely in this case, and in many others, I will say that grades could have been a factor. Spend this year getting the best grades one can get, and hopefully the outcome will be different next go around. I believe there may be a re-colonization coming up in the next year or so, which would give her a second chance to be Greek next year.

If they were so clueless as to not know that Older Sister was miserable enough to want to self-terminate, I doubt very much that they would have listened to her when she told them her sister wanted to be in a different group.

There are at least 3 sides to this story and the truth is somewhere pinging around in between.

ETA: I was just ready to say "this wasn't ASU, they only have 12 sororities" but then I realized ISK was referring to one of the chapter nicknames. Arrrrgh, as I said, confusing as balls.

I'm sure you know what chapter it was and that chapter has improved their grades dramatically and have been top in grades, so that wasn't necessarily a shock to me I got dropped by them and others since I had just a 3.0.

Could have been other reasons of course.

Thank you DubaiSis and everyone else for your input. This really put things in perspective.

The things I heard from my friends in sororities, my sister and even things on GreekChat were swirling all around my head and I had some misconceptions and I was misinformed by some of the people I knew. But now it all makes sense and I can see things clearer for what they actually are rather than how I wish they were.

Hopefully knowing what I know now will help me when I go through recruitment the next time around.

I totally get ASUADPi's feelings of disgust by the OP. I have to admit that I find it really funny that the OP felt "robbed" by getting a bid to this particular organization. The campus I'm at has girls who feel "robbed" because they DID NOT get a bid from this wonderful organization. I agree with other posters who said that chapter was lucky not to have the OP and her negative biological sister.

This is a time when intentional single preferencing would have been appropriate. If a PNM does not want a group for any reason (regardless of merits in our personal judgment), then don't list it. Though it would not have resulted in a USC bid nor a QA, she would not be bound for a year. My sense is that there is a bona fide HCTS, that Rutgers was not a good fit for her (others, yes, but nor HCTS due to unusual circumstances). Far better for another PNM to have received the Rutgers bid. Also, I read her feeling of being "robbed" as feeling shortchanged mostly by her sister, not any organization or Panhellenic. It is a disappointment to her certainly, but it is a learning experience and she can prepare for next year.

Sun, good luck to you this year and follow the good advice to prepare yourself well for next year.

So what campus is this, supposedly? The only ones where I count 13 chapters and dates that fit have strong-recruiting ADPi chapters.

Also, we don't offer "early alum" status for women still enrolled on campus.

Feel like a total idiot reading my recruitment story. So many mistakes I made then, but i've definitely grown in the past year and I hope to have a much more positive, relaxed recruitment.

Thanks for all of the tough, constructive, yet kind messages and comments. I've got plenty of time until recruitment and I hope to update you with a round 2!

Thanks

That means you have grown and matured. That is a good thing.

Wishing you the very best of luck in your upcoming recruitment. Sometimes I think freshmen should not rush - but that's only my opinion and I am probably in the minority!

AZTheta, I couldn't agree more.

I would love it if my freshman daughter could wait a year to rush. But from many reports, it's hard to go through recruitment as a sophomore.

It is extremely hard at competitive schools unless they have an upperclass quota (and most don't). Sophomore recruitment was disastrous at my SEC school.