Eh this thread lost its context quite a ways ago. I still have no issue with cohabing itself. Do I think it's always wise? No. But neither do I think that maintaining separate residences is either.

Marriage itself works the same way though.


The concept of the sanctity of marriage in a civil sense is bullshit, in my humble opinion. Marriage can be sacred in a religious or spiritual sense, but the government doesn't and shouldn't give a shit. And if I don't belong to a particular belief structure, they should keep their noses and butts out of my private life. And that's true whether I am open about my life or not.

I have many friends who have been handfasted as a legal ceremony or instead of a legal ceremony and the sacredness, the sanctity, of their relationships is no more or less than any other religious ceremony. But neither is the triad who are all three handfasted to each other.

Oh no, no, no. The correct response is: "What? I don't know that! Aggggggggh!"

After you have been jettisoned off of the Bridge of Death, Sir Bedevere would ask how I know so much about swallows, to which I would have to reply "Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know."

Now it's off to bed for me -- alas, without any of the peril.

I know the right response, but I didn't want to get thrown off a bridge. :(

Can't i just face a little peril?

No, it's too perilous.

Fetchez la vache!

I don't think so.

Of course but I'm talking about cohabitation.

Ah perhaps that was just MC and I's detour down the crazy train then.

I know you're talking about cohabitation, but the concepts you're discussing aren't unique to it, obviously. The alternative to cohab is a) living apart and b) marrying at any given moment. (A could lead to B later but you're doing one or the other.)

The only scenario without the concerns you mentioned is living apart. That however brings its own concerns and an increase in expenses on top of it. I think even very unprepared people can make cohab, just like a marriage, work. And some very prepared people will just discover that they cannot get along, again, same as marriage.

As a co-habiter pre-wedding, I didn't expect anything to change post-wedding. But it did. It felt different.
Saying those legally binding vows out loud in front of all our family and friends was definitely an unforgettable memory and experience. And cohabitation didn't take anything away from our marriage.

Since we're having so much fun around here, I'll just leave this here.

Lol, I don't have a diamond and I proposed to my own boyfriend. Do you think the sky will fall in?

My mother didn't take my father's last name and they have been married for 31 years. It hasn't effected their marriage, my mother actually gets annoyed when called Mrs. ______. She tends to correct those who assume that is her name. They thought the hyphen would be too long.

Interesting article. Thanks for posting it. The only time I would disagree would be with heirloom rings. This entire buying new rings and the pressure is ridiculous. I'm not trying to educate everyone on my family's traditions, but one thing I have always really liked is that we pass down jewelry. While the entire, "may I take your daughter's hand in marriage" thing is crap (IMHO), I like the idea of the parent's welcoming in the significant other. My mother gave my brother a family jewel to make into a ring for his wife. My father took one of his grandmother's necklaces to make into a ring for my mother (it was actually cheap this way too since they were broke and my dad had a friend who did metal work). These have been two of the most interesting rings I have ever seen and they work as a wedding band as well.


Not disagreeing with stats or anything, but a rather large portion of my family (ie my parents, older cousins etc) all lived together before they were married. When I decided to move in with my boyfriend, I talked it over with my parents first. While I don't "have a ring on my hand" as someone said before, there has to be an understanding. My wording isn't correct right now, but it is a term my mother used. Back in the day (both my parents are over 60) there was going steady or whatever, but eventually there was an understanding as to where the relationship was going. My grandfather went off to war and while my grandparents weren't engaged, there was an understanding that if he made it back, they would get married. While one don't have to be in a rush to get married, or maybe that isn't one's cup of tea, I think that has to be an agreement. A lease is a contract. Duh. If the relationship isn't long term (or even going to last the length of a six month lease) then you have to double think that. Breaking leases/subletting isn't fun.

Also going back to the OP, shacking and moving in have huge differences. This coming from a girl who just did that switch.

I also think that we don't need to talk about divorce like it is a shameful, terrible thing.

Does it suck? Yes, possibly more than any other life change. Is it a personal failure? No.

Different story if you have kids, of course, but if you are in a relationship for years, and then it ends, well, I don't think it's futile to say you never should have been in the relationship to being with.

1) Your username pretty much gave away the fact that you're not a man.

2) You think a man "offering" his last name to a woman is a huge gesture? Is it just me, or does it seem like in this regard, the woman wants to be known as his wife moreso than the man wants to be known as her husband? A man has the same name his whole life, regardless of whether or not he's married (except maybe in some rare cases). A woman goes through the trouble of changing her name, essentially bonding herself to her husband.

For example, if I walked up to two different people - Joe Smith and Nancy Jones - who I knew from high school, but they didn't remember me, and each of them introduced themselves... Joe first.. "Hi, I'm Joe Smith" ... and Nancy said, "Hi, I'm Nancy Brown" ... who do you think I'd be more inclined to ask, "Oh, so you're married?.."

LOL.

I'm going to marry you for your pogs.

My dad keeps telling me that live-in and I need to get married so that we "have the same last name." I told him I intend to change my last name to "Awesome" and my middle name to "Is" and he can kiss my ass. Trust me, live-in's last name is no gift.

KSig, I'm serious here. You're around flaunting yourself, trying to cause trouble for me with my love of MC. Stop it.