I'll agree that it's time for him to leave GC out of the equation, but not necessarily for the same reason as you. He's going to continue to get "lessons" from people who have no idea what it's like to be in his shoes. He's getting bombarded by negativity at a time in his life when what he needs most is support. He needs to leave the judgmental GC to find people who will understand that he made a mistake, that he's owned that mistake, and is trying to find a way to come to terms with it.

Xanthus, seriously, good luck with everything. Being a parent is a hard and thankless job (well, it's thankless in the beginning anyway), and there will definitely be days that will try your every last nerve. But, it's also a very rewarding job, and one that, even on its worst days, has excellent benefits. I hope you and mom-to-be can, at the very least, work things out so that you're civil with each other. I'm not sure what your next step is regarding a relationship with her, but even if you're not together, you'll need to be able to communicate well and work together for the baby's benefit.

Actually, when I say he should stop posting, it is for two reasons:

1) We didn't need to know in the first place because...we just didn't...and he could've figured this out without GC.

and

2) When you invite people into your life, on the internet and in real life, you are opening yourself up to informed, uninformed, good, and bad responses. There's no screening process. People, particularly strangers and usernames, aren't obligated to be positive and supportive.

:)

I wish him well, since he already knows he made a mistake.

I also think some of the "positive" responses would be different if he was a woman.

I agree with all of that. And, to add to your last comment, I think some of the "negative" responses would be different if he were a woman, too.

They would be even more negative.

Or else they'd be manbashing to the skies. It probably would depend on the poster.

Oh yeah those sheisty men who sneak their way into women's vaginas. :)


oh noooooo! :p

I really disagree with your philosophy that there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. When a birth control method fails, it is an accident. It's kind of like saying that there is no such thing as a car accident because every time you get into a car, you could run into something or something could run into you. That doesn't mean that you intend for it to happen. If you don't intend for it to happen, it is an accident. I suppose for some, the only purpose of sex is procreation, but for most, it's also an intimate way to express the deepest form of romantic love possible. To me, any unplanned pregnancy is an accident, including my own two children who were both surprises to me. When you take reasonable precautions against becoming pregnant and you get pregnant anyway (and I know people whose vasectomies have failed even), I would call that an accident. I don't expect that we'll agree on this ever, but I wanted to present another viewpoint anyway.

It's not so much whether procreation is the only purpose; it's undeniably a purpose and an obvious and reasonably expected consequence unless precautions are taken to negate that purpose. That's why your car analogy doesn't work -- it's hardly a purpose of car to hit other things or be hit by other things.

As for whether a pregnancy is an accident when reasonable contraceptive measures have been taken, that's a semantic thing that doesn't really get me worked up.

I guess this isn't a joke. My bad.:D

http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gif @ the small bolded quote.

@ the big bolded quote, I agree with the first part. You're right, you messed up, but it's a mistake that you still can rebound from. Like you said, now you have to put it behind you, but at the same time be the best father you can be and give this child enough guidance and support to be the best person he/she can be by giving him/her the tools he/she needs to succeed in the world, a strong faith, and a good education.

No, I'm not a father, but I know what commitment and responsibility are. I agree, not everybody is cut out to be a parent, but you knew before you laid down with this woman, that you didn't want to be a father, at least not at this time in your life. Don't compare yourself to me because I wouldn't put myself in your shoes, if I knew that I wasn't able to accept parenting as a lifetime commitment. I wouldn't take a risk by having sex especially with a woman I don't have anything in common with or don't want to be with not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Based on your post and other posts I've read of yours, it was all about the physical for you, as it is for many, and that's what I think is sad. This is where you and I differ. My advice to you now is to be there for this child, because being there can make all the difference in the world.

Good luck and stop screwing women you don't want to be with, and invest in some condoms.

I wish you the best, Xanthus.

Gee, TrollBuster, are you sure you're not talking about yourself there?

That's what I was thinking.

Trollbuster is trolling in every sense of the word.

And that is the glory of having an opinion, everyone is entitled to their own. No one is denying the intimacy involved in sex and expressing romantic love that way. I was stating the biological fact and my opinion. Do people have sex for purposes other than procreation? Obviously. Does that make a pregnancy any more or less of a surprise? Not really. That is why I can call it a surprise and not an accident.

All the precautions in the world can fail, and the couple can end up with a surprise, but it was most certainly not an accident. In looking at the actual definition of accident (here's one : any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause.) you can't say that the sex wasn't deliberate. Now was it an unforseen incident? (another definition) No. It's comes back down to the biology of it. They had sex. Sex can make babies.

It's truly great that we can have own opinions, and that you see flaws in my philosophy, however while I have heard your viewpoint from numerous people I'll stick with the biology of it all.

De-lurking to add a couple of comments.

1) To the OP (who say's he's not ready to be a parent): My wife and I wanted to be parents, we planned for it, we were blessed with a beautiful son, and I still didn't feel ready for parenthood! Yet it was the best thing to ever happen to me.

2) A few years ago I was in a situation where a gf and I broke up after an intense relationship and just a few days later she knocked on my door and told me her period was late -- way late. Not what we needed at the time. We both knew that she was very regular. This had the feeling of being very serious. A few days later she told me she had gotten her period. We were young, stupid, foolish, and we had dodged a bullet, because we both knew we had been playing with fire.

She was Catholic, and I am pretty sure that had she been pregnant, she would have had the baby. Whether we would have tried to get back together, I don't know. We never had to face it. What is strange is that sometimes I will see someone about the age that our child would be now and I wonder what the child we never had would have been like.

3) Growing up with parents who were not together, I can say that a very bad thing to do is to use the child as a pawn in a battle between the parents. I hope that the parents in the OP's situation can find it to put their differences aside and agree to be civil with respect to the child in the situation.

Best wishes to the OP and others in similar situations.