ok, since I just transferred to a new school (as a senior, ack!) and am trying to affiliate, I brushed up on adpi/panhellenic rules about affiliation, and transfer members DO NOT count against total during the semester they affiliate, meaning a transfer would only help a chapter as far as total goes, and wouldn't "take the spot" of a potential new member.

going through this process I can kind of understand why chapters are required to vote on transfer members, because even though there are only 250 miles between my initiation chapter and this one, there are A LOT of differences. I'm more nervous now than when I went through rush, because I've already been a member for three years, and I keep thinking "oh gods, what if they don't like me?"



On a non-personal note, I think there are plenty of reasons chapters would not accept transfers, that have nothing to do with "maintaining reputation" or anything of the sort. I mean, there have to be large differences in dues and activities between some schools, and what if the potential-affiliate just can't meet those standards? And speaking of standards, what about if she's a standards issure or something of the sort?

I would think it is more acceptable for someone to transfer to get into ANY sorority, but often girls transfer because they want the prestige that comes with a PARTICULAR sorority. I don't think anyone would transfer twice, like attend Alabama, get rejected from XYZ, transfer to East Bufu U and pledge XYZ where they are struggling with numbers, and then go back to Alabama to be in XYZ. I think most of the time it's women who attend East Bufu U and pledge XYZ, knowing that they really want XYZ at Alabama.

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Ditto for SGR. As long as the member is in good standing then if she transfers to another school / chapter, she should be automatically accepted into the new chapter.

With SGR, and I'm sure with the other D9's as well, it is emphasized that you are part of the whole organization - not just one part of it. In SGR we stress that you are a member of the entire organization, not just a chapter.

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I want to throw out that I love Delta Gamma; it may be my second favorite group. Two of my cousins were Delta Gamma and several of my friends and favorite co-workers. I didn't want anyone to think I was being critical of Delta Gamma.

I suspect almost all NPC chapters vote on affiliate members. I don't have any problem with reviewing individuals in case there are "standards" issues. But in general, I personally think you ought to take sisters from your national group unless there is really a problem.

And since, as far as I know, affiliates don't "count" toward quota and chapters can exceed chapter total in accepting them them, they aren't really taking anyone else's spot. (Think this through with me. Imagine you do one big formal rush in the fall: your chapter gets quota every year, wouldn't it be at or over chapter total? You wouldn't be COBing. The only additional new members you would get would be would be through affiliation. How could it hurt? Additionally, imagine a chapter that doesn't make quota. They COB every year. Would they be harmed by an affiliate taking them one person closer to chapter total?)

Okay, I admit I think you'd have to be nuts to pick your college based the chances of pledging a particular group, but I also wonder how someone who loves the group that much could be a bad member. If you love ABC enough to spend a year at Backwater U, you probably aren't going to be a member in name only.

Liltrixx, sorry for highjacking your thread. You've always seemed pretty level-headed to me, and I never got the feeling that you wanted anything other than to join a nice group at your present college. Good luck and I hope things work out like you want them to.

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Not to sound grouchy or anything, but college is all about letting go and trying new things.

If you grew up in Gainesville, you probably lived there a good chuck of your life, especially if you have a ton of family there. Go live your life wherever that may take you, because getting out of your comfort zone is the only way you'll see all that is really out there.

I started college in a very small public university that was 30 miles from home. And although I met lots of new people, and joined lots of orgs, it was the same surrounding, the same people, the same everything. I could probably have driven home with my eyes closed.. that's how much of the same it was.

I transferred out half-way into my college career and in doing that I pretty much forced myself to dare to think that my life could be different. The new school was 7x the old one in student population (but is still considered a "smaller" Texas school), and I met some of the most amazing people, tried things I had never done before, and saw some of the coolest places I didn't think I'd ever see in my life.

Guess what?

All my friends who stayed in south texas are still there and they are completely AMAZED when I tell them stories of things I've done, places I've seen, even just where I work. Because they stayed with what was familar to them.

Grow out of your comfort zone and see what life is really like.

</end rant>

Although not a main reason, that sounds like something you should keep to yourself.

I doubt that's what she meant.
 

I'm editing my post because I think misread what I was responding to.

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Congrats on this opportunity. I am sooooooo happy for you!!!

Good luck with this possibility, liltrixx!!!

Hope this helps
 

Hi Liltrixx,

After reading your post that said it is hard to take advice on moving forward from all of these women who did find their sorority homes, I was moved to write (so much so that I had to join this site).

Over twenty years ago (in 1984) I went through recruitment at UF. I attended college with several of my best friends from high school who also went through recruitment with me. Of all of us, I think it meant the most to me. I remember visiting my aunt and uncle who were in college at UF when I was a little girl and seeing the sorority members with their shirts on and wanting to be part of it even then. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the stars. I preffed at the sorority I really wanted to be part of two years in a row. Both times I got that phone call. Mind you I was also open to joining another chapter but never received a bid. Two of my friends were legacies to houses and didn't receive bids (one had an active sister in the house!!!) My best friend did become an A D Pi and several others became little sisters at fraternities.

This is not, however a sob story...it's an encouraging one. After recruitment, I joined many clubs in college including Savants and the University Justice Staff. I also did my share of partying. They really were some of the best years in my life. I graduated from UF and attended law school at UM. I also married and have three wonderful children and a loving husband. I am a Vice President and General Counsel for a national insurance company. In other words, while not being in a sorority did leave a void and hurt, my life has not been any the worse for it and I truely can't miss what I didn't have.

My advice to you is to look forward. I hope you do find your Greek home but rest assured that even if you do not, one day the pain and rejection goes away. I was popular in high school, pretty, had 3.8 honors GPA and was member of many clubs. For whatever reason it wasn't meant to be.

I hope this helps. For all of the rest of you, let me say that I am definitely not bitter on the Greek system. I wish I could have been part of it and will encourage my nine year old daughter to do so (hopefully you all will still be around when she needs recs...lol). I just wanted liltrixx to have the view from the other side.

What a great post! Thank you for sharing your story!!!

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You will be fine
 

Glad to share. It actually felt good that my story might help a bit. I'm sure you will be fine and have a great life. I was a prosecutor for ten years so let me know if you ever need mentoring in your future legal career.

Have fun and try not to think about things too much...It's easier to just move on. One day, many years from now, you will be able to look back and reflect on this whole situation and put it in perspective. Don't let it consume you.

Isn't it great to see how supportive all the women are on this site to their sisters and non-sisters alike. After all, we all share the bond of being women! Of the girls I went to college with, we are still great friends and at 40 have shared a lot of tears and laughs. Divorces, illness,weddings, kids....in other words, you don't have to be in a sorority to find the lifelong bond you long for. I'm sure it's great but there are other ways to achieve it.

Keep your head high.

Just think, ifI had pledged that sorority, I may not have met and married my husband (a greek at another school), had my kids...etc...

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*hugs* Good that it worked out in your favor-as YOU see it. Here's hoping for me!

Just for the record, this is not gospel, because nobody knows how other GLO's do their bid lists.

Not true. If liltrixx ranked them #1 and appeared anywhere on the bid list, she should have matched before anyone who ranked them #2.

Also, allowing SIP does the following...if a chapter knew they would have spots open (because expected quota still left them under total), nothing is stopping them from saying "SIP us, even if we don't have room for you on our bid list, we promise to pick you up in COB." This screws other chapters.

Yes there is. It's called "Dirty Rushing." You can't promise a PNM a bid during recruitment. Coming from an NPC chapter at Liltrixx's university, I can say with some assurance that the UCF sororities respect one another too much to make this any sort of regular practice. We help one another and have been aggressive about expansion over the last 10 years to cut down on the sizes of the individual chapters, but have also been very Panhellenic in our promotion of the new chapters and encouraging their colonization and establishment on campus.

No matter what you as a PNM put on your bid card-- whether it is 2-3 chapters or just 1, you always run the risk of not getting a bid. You have a greater chance of getting a bid by maximizing your options. Ostensibly, by pref night you're visiting chapters where you could see yourself as a member. But if you can't see yourself anywhere but ABC and you'd rather not be in a sorority at all if you can't be an ABC, you should SIP and know that you are taking that risk.

Okay, but if I am active in a chapter that knows it will have spaces open, and my best friend is rushing, there is nothing that says I can't put the option on the table BEFORE the rush period starts. It is dirty, and I wouldn't do it, but technically against the rules? Probably not. Especially if you don't promise.

I think it is still against the rules. You aren't supposed to EVER promise a girl a bid, even it is before the rush period, even if it is your best friend. I believe it's still considered dirty rushing and thus against the rules.

Right, but if you don't *promise* a bid, you just tell her that you are certain your chapter will be doing COR, what rule have you broken?

Again, it is dirty, and I wouldn't advise a chapter to do it, I am just saying that it is a problem I've seen with SIP. IMO, if you SIP a chapter, you should not be eligible for a bid there in the same year.

Now that's just overboard. Especially when you have a campus that only has a few groups. If you SIP a chapter, it's pretty clear you have your heart set on that chapter, and shouldn't be excluded from pursuing that chapter if they have space available after formal. I agree that it could *possibly* leave the door open for dirty rushing, but it's just as easy for a sorority to tell a PNM to drop out of rush, and they'll bid them COB that way (yes, we did have a group that tried that at my school).

Either way, I'd personally be insulted if a sister told me to drop or SIP because they didn't have space at formal, but they'll make space for you at COB. I would tell that sister, "Either you want me bad enough for your bidlist, or go jump".

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Sorry we hijacked your thread. Good luck in your future plans!

No problem...there was just no use in beating a dead horse over rushing and whatnot....We'll see how it goes (maybe) next year:)

good luck with your gpa and your future plans!!

Me too. Why would you trust that you'd get a COB bid if you didn't get a bid during formal? If this was your best friend, and your chapter didn't want her enough to rank her high on the bid list, would you really want her waiting on COB?

liltrixx, good luck. I hope you enjoy the new school you go to!

I know it has been awhile since UCF's bid day, but I figure it isn't too late to give you some advice.
First of all, I am SO sorry that things didn't go as you planned. I know how painful it is to get your hopes up and have them torn down. Nothing is worse than the feeling of rejection, but don't let this situation negatively impact your self esteem.
On one hand, it may have been meant to be. I know people at UCF that aren't Greek and still manage to have a lot of fun. They have all joined co-ed fraternities for their majors and they go out with them all the time to party. They have connections outside of the world of sororities.
However, I know that being Greek has an incredible thing that I think everyone should get to experiene if given the chance. Ranking can be REALLY hard. It doesn't necessarily mean that no one wanted you--you may have just not matched up. Also, about suicide...I would've kept Scarlett around. It is hard to tell what a chapter is like just from the recruitment process, which is very quick and planned out. Once you're inside, you see things from a whole new view and it could turn out to be amazing. Since you weren't given a bid, you can go through spring recruitment. See if any houses you turned down originally or houses that you connected with do spring rush--maybe Scarlett IS worth another shot.
No matter what, know that college is an amazing experience and whether greek or not, there are so many ways to get involved. You are a very strong person and I'm impressed that you tried and stuck it out til the very end. <3

It's obvious that Makynlee is AEPhi and I can honestly tell you that they would not have looked down on your for not being Jewish. They are amazing girls and would have welcomed you, honestly. A girl I used to go to Hebrew school with is actually one of their founding sisters at UCF.
I am Jewish and I'm one of 2 Jewish girls in my sorority and I never feel like the minority, so I think you would've felt the same once you were in it. If they do do spring rush, please check them out! :)

She's decided to leave the university after less than a semester, so it's a moot point. She will be leaving UCF as of Winter Break. Check the date of the posts-- you can catch yourself that way b/c sometimes people post updates elsewhere. :)

I see that now, sorry. It looked like the posts were from just a couple weeks ago so I wasn't sure if anything was concrete.

to the original poster, best of luck in whatever you decide to do. i have friends at fsu, uf and ucf and they all absolutely love their schools. some of them are greek, some of them aren't and many of them have rushed and been turned down, just like you. i actually have a friend at fsu that is going thru as a second semester junior for the local sorority up there. that may be an option for you, depending on where you go. best of luck in school and everything else! <3

EGAOTT what school are you at?

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