He'll regret it till his dying day, if ever he lives that long.

It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Kristoff's where I usually get my hair done. But Kristoff wasn't there. He had mysteriously disappeared. In his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I'll never forget him. His eyes were steely gray. His hands were like ice. He said 'I'll streak your hair and I'll give you a body wave.' He worked very fast and then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror...I saw it...HE PERMED ME!

And then you got in the shower?

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses... HIT IT!

Kickboxing. Sport of the future, sir, ever heard of it?

She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.

It's overtime right now and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so....

Kangaroo Song, Kangaroo Song....KANGAROO SONG!!!

ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT!!

I see we took our happy pill today.

You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who's the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner. Mikey wins.

If you concentrate on basketball so much, why you bonin' me? Why don't you bone Dick Vitale?

How can I be getting zis vork done mit all de shouting?

Who's That?

Heinskitz Velvet. I am trainer of dolphins. You want to talk to de dolphin, you talk to me.

What happened to the other trainer?

Vat happened to him? Vat happened to me? Seven years I am mit Siegfried. (He holds up only four fingers) Ve are making de dolphins disappear, und den Roy is coming mit de vite tiger und ze shtuffing in de pants und den I'm gone.

Where is Snowflake?

Why do you care about de dolphin? Do you know him? Does he call you at home? DO YOU HAVE A DORSAL FIN?

Let's got to that conference and let, uh, Heinz do his work?

Go to de conference, go to it.

This place is fantastic! It's like "Gone With the Wind" on mescaline!

1.2.3.4.5? That's the same combination I have on my luggage!

She's obviously too young to party seriously.

We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!

Pie Jesu Domine, Donna Eis Requiem *Thwack*

Well, isn't this place a geographic oddity! Two weeks from everywhere...

Everybody does it, it's just that no one talks about it.

Oh sir, I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh, appears they ran that way, it was a run by fruiting.

He'll bite your head clean off! It's a vicious rabbit with large, sharp, pointy teeth!

What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who dies? That she loved Mozart, the Beatles...and me?

My first day as a woman, and I'm getting hotflashes....

I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes just in case.

Oh, that Jim Williams just went and shot somebody. Canape'??

The first rule of fashion is you have to look weird. What I'm doing has come straight here from France. It's called Cirque du Face, meaning "Circus of the Face," and it's all the rage with the Frenchies, ma'am.

Ok, now it's true, the majority of students today are so cravenly PC, they wouldn't know a good time if it was sitting on their face, but there's one thing that will always unite us and them. They're young. They may not realize it yet. They've got the same raging hormones, the same self-destructive desire to get boldly trashed and wildly out of control. Look out that window! That's not a protest! That is cry for help! They're begging us... Please have a party! Feed us drinks! Get us laid! Aahhhhhh!

Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Stupid is as stupid does, ma'am....

"know what makes me feel better when i'm feeling shitty? rolled up aces full of kings. check-raising stupid tourists. piles and piles of chips and checks, so high i can't see over them."

"Let's go. we can be at the taj in an hour. let's go."

"You had better not be shitting me, mike. You serious?"

"Dead serious. let's go."

I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you can just go to the record store and visit your friends.
________
Glass pipe

OK kids, I have a hangover..does anyone know what that means?

-That you're drunk?

No, it means that I was drunk yesterday

I like your costume too, only when I dress as a fridged bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.

But you're so old!

I can tell you the license numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you the waitress is left-handed. I can tell you the guy sitting at the bar weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself, I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and I know that at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half a mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?

I feel just like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman"....except for the whole hooker thing.

Close your eyes and tap your heels together 3 times.

Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!

"First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, when someone say "stop" or goes limp, the fight is over. Fourth rule of Fight Club, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule of Fight Club, one fight at a time. Sixth rule of Fight Club, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule of Fight Club, fights go on as long as they have to. Eighth and final rule of Fight Club, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight."

Are we having fun yet?