Amen!

I'm only a few years out of college and there is a snowballs chance in Hell that I would ever do this. I'm all for PNMs meeting sorority members in a more relaxed setting, but sending a PNM away for a party weekend with strangers wouldn't be okay out here.

Had a friend from down the street whose sorority had invited her daughter to come stay in a member's apartment during freshman orientation.
Yes, these were her sorority sisters but she did not personally know them.

She asked me what I thought...of course my mind is racing forward to the parties that just naturally seem to ensue when young people are finished for the day and are ready to be entertained with refreshments and general jolly good times.

I blanched...said no way would I send my precious special snowflake to them, even if they were sisters.

She had no problem and sent 'flake off to have a real good time.

(And thus I was personally introduced to the world of dirty rushing.)

Under my campus guidelines - staying with someone during orientation like this is no longer allowed.

Let me rephrase: When they told her they expected her to drink they were basically saying "we know your underage, but we don't expect you to be perfect and all goodie-goodie. We certainly weren't. Sororities will look the other way as long as you keep it classy and not sloppy." At no time was she told that if she didn't drink that she would be cut!!!!

Alumnae were certainly not advising her to drink! And she was sent off with strict advice from mom to behave herself. Daughter decided to participate all on her own, thinking "When in Rome..."

I just didn't realize that being seen drinking is reason enough to cut her from recruitment. Back to my original question, is drinking and socializing helpful or harmful for a successful recruitment. You ladies have answered my questions enough that I am now worried for my daughter!

The answer is Yes. And No. It's a tight rope. The reality is she has to find her own way. The best you can hope for is 18 years of training comes to fruition when it counts. I like the Grandma over your shoulder suggestion. Keep it classy enough for Grandma and you'll be fine.

But I'm trying to imagine the last several presidents of my sorority who I think have all been lawyers turning a blind eye to any insinuation of this type of behavior being in any way promoted by alumnae. All of Indiana might catch fire from their collective heads exploding.

I hear ya...

The visual of this in my head is priceless!!! :D

Hearttoheart, please don't fret over her recruitment being over before it starts. What is done is done. Tell her to hold her head up & watch her step carefully once she gets to campus.

The problem is that the interpretation can vary from active to active. What one can see as a little drinking and socializing, another can decide that she is an put of control party girl. A lot of recruitment is based on quick decisions about a PNM. This can be really difficult when alcohol is involved because it impares both sides and decision making. Not to mention boy drama.

What's done is done and that won't change. As for fall... That's a tough call. Recruitment begins a month after school starts. It's hard to say don't go out and party because, well, she's a freshman in college and that's how a lot of roommate/bonding happens. It is often part of the college experience. On the other hand, it's only a month and its not like there aren't other things to do for fun. There are members in every org who dont go out and drink. I'd be tempted to play it safe and not go out to party. I'd get involved on campus right away and make an impression/socialize that way instead of risk being seen as a party girl or flirt with someone's boyfriend.

Welcome to Rebel Fanhood, Freshmen!

"Yes, this is a party school. So party, that's fine. Just remember, half of the people in the Grove know your mother, and aren't afraid to tell her what kind of silliness you've been up to."

I think the above quote may be the "tight rope" that DubaiSis referred to earlier. The bottom line is that GLOs are looking for members who are social, but generally speaking, in the "proper way".

I wish we could get some like buttons on this forum!

This all being said, if you're going to drink, drink mixed drinks. I don't mean girly drinks like cosmos, I mean things with whiskey. Reasons why:

1) They taste nastier (at first) and you'll have all you can just trying to get a sip past your tongue.

2) You can hold onto one for a long time and the ice will water it down.

3) Beer/wine/fruity drinks are too much of a temptation to chug. Especially in the heat.

Courtesy of stories from Mom33, the whiskey and water drinker.

When I went to college, Daddy sat me down for "the talk" which went like this:
I know you're going to drink so don't say you won't. But learn how to drink. Stay away from the purple passions, hunch punch, etc. You'll just mak a fool of yourself. From this day forward in this house you can have a drink whenever you want it - but it's going to be scotch and water." Well, it took a while, but to this day - I never got drunk at college (well, a little high once), never puked, still drink scotch and water and can't stand sweet drinks. Even bourbon and water is too sweet for me. I also learned something else from Daddy - drink a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have. So, I order and scotch and water and a water on the side or a glass of wine and a glass of water. May not have been the right way to go about it but it kept me out of trouble! And I didn't drink much at school because no one else drank scotch!

These days I tell girls to only drink from a closed and sealed container that they break the seal on themselves.

Amen.

Preach.

Never take an opened drink. Really no excuse.
No jungle juice, nothing from a garbage can/cooler where the drink was mixed.
Fruit in alcohol rarely ends well unless they are olives in a martini. (which should always be gin)
Water after every drink.
Eat well before drinking and not just a salad. This will help with the hang over and can help prevent throwing up due to metabolizing slower.
Whiskey will impress people later in life, get used to it now.
Wear shoes that you can get home in, walking barefoot home leads to stepping in curious things.
Try to limit what you order for take out after a night out. The freshman 15 isn't just from alcohol and dorm food.
Always brush your teeth if you are unlucky to throw up. No excuses.
Microbrews will almost always get you more drunk more quickly.
Ibuprofen instead of acetaminophen. Acetaminophen and alcohol can cause toxins in your liver that may lead to acute liver failure.

^^^ All true.

An alka seltzer before bed after a night out partying will keep the hangover away.

And some chicken on a stick from the "four way" Chevron (though there's no longer four gas stations there now, just one.)

Or a Milo burger with fries....and a large coke!

And this ain't the big city so a DUI or an MIP WILL get your name in the paper ...

Underaged drinking is never a good idea

One of my best friends went to grad school at Ole Miss, and we always got chicken on a stick whenever I came to visit. Amazingly delicious even if you're not intoxicated.

Milo's sauce is the nectar of the gods.

I agree with both! One of the two main reasons I miss City Stages so much is Penn's chicken on a stick!

Note to our readership: Milo's and City Stages are not Oxford restaurants/pubs. They are located outside of the Rebel promised land. You may decide to visit them when you are following the Rebels around, make sure your behavior represents the Rebels well. Don't stiff your waiter or act like someone from a certain other school.

Heartoheart: Back to your recent question, "Can partying help or harm a girl's chances in recruitment", I think the possible negative outcomes far outweigh the inroads the PNM might perceive she is gaining. Rather than thinking that the PNM is their equal, and nudging each other in the ribs saying, "Wow, that girl can sure hold her liquor" in an admiring tone, any of the sorority members who have half sense and care about their chapter might look at PNM partygirl and think "Risk-management problem" and drop her at the first opportunity.

I would advise my daughter to lay low prior to recruitment, don't do anything that is breaking the law (and underage drinking falls into that category), and wait until after bid day to go to fraternity parties, but I am an overly cautious advisor.

I totally agree with you on your advice. We are always looking at social media and reputations trying to avoid women we think might be risk management issues. I think some schools deal with this a lot more then other schools.

I bumped the MollyUF thread as a cautionary tale to PNMs. If you remember what happened to Molly, you know that it takes very little to get cut because of a misperception.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...25#post2225325

Key part of that thread that Carnation posted from the University of Florida:

Finding a balance - social, but not overboard
 

I think this is a case where what we want to say as alumnae, versus what some of us would have said as collegians, will differ significantly. I wish PNMs could totally avoid alcohol and frat parties until they were of age. But unfortunately the way Ole Miss's social structure is set up, the PNM who stays away completely will be locked out of many chances to meet sorority women.

Underage drinking is illegal, and I won't condone it. I didn't drink until I was 21, and I survived. Some PNMs will choose to drink. It may hurt their "reputation," or may not. I would advise any PNMs to be social, but avoid drinking. That means attending some parties, but refraining from the alcohol. The frat party/bar scene is such a big part of the pre-recruitment circuit that if you're not out sometimes, then you're missing chances to meet sorority women. Avoid weeknights (gotta keep those grades up), and study hard so your grades don't suffer during recruitment. Make sure to go out to at least one party on Friday and Saturday, even if you don't stick around long. See and be seen--no need to drink. Focus on the other girls there, not guys :). Avoid drinking because (1) it's illegal and (2) no one likes a sloppy PNM.

Better places to meet sorority women include the Honors College (if you're a part of it, look for 200-level classes that have some sophomores!), Associate Student Body (Ole Miss's student gov't.), and the clubs that recruit in the fall. As a bonus, being involved in these activities will look good come recruitment time!

Unfortunately the daughter's experience is not unusual. I also started being rushed as a high school senior and went to some of the Spring events like Derby Days--I assume these are some of the parties her daughter attended. They're a big part of the pre-recruitment meet-and-greet for sorority women if you are invited. I don't love that they're the nexus of Spring socializing for PNMs and sororities--I wish there was something like Theta Encore or a Greek Sing that PNMs could attend, instead of field parties--but it isn't unusual. But the centrality of alcohol in Greek life at Ole Miss is a whole 'nother discussion entirely!

Oh my! And the Greek Life office condones this?

There's an awful lot of pearl-clutching in this thread. I agree that PNMs should make fools of themselves, but if alcohol is a normal part of the social life at a university (as it obviously is/was at mine), it's really ridiculous to act like a young woman is of poor character for having a beer or two.

DBB - I think you need to read over your post and edit

Bless your heart, my pearl clutching is not directed at underage drinking, rather at the university not minding that underage students are attending parties on campus before they have even matriculated-looking at it from a risk management standpoint, both for the sponsoring groups as well as the university.

Ooo! I don't!:D

Really? How do you think Alabama, Auburn, Florida, etc, etc fraternities get all their pledges? I know lots of young men who had a bid to a fraternity before they were accepted at the college. Happens all the time at Bama and Auburn and Florida. I don't think they're giving them out in Sunday School class.....

I am well aware how fraternities give out bids during the summer. It doesn't reduce the potential risk management problems that the combination of alcohol, rivers and inner tubes can provide.

Indeed - I can clutch my pearls if I want. We have enough problems with restrictions on students at parties that we planned a month in advance with hired security and kept to a strict guest list. I can't believe you would encourage a 17 year old to go by herself to a party with strangers and that if there is drinking, she should go ahead to fit in. :eek:

Pretty sure how boys rush is not relevant to how a lady should behave :rolleyes:

I was referring the to previous post that decried allowing students who were not enrolled yet to attend parties. I'm NOT saying the drinking underage is OK!

My biggest worry was that she was being sent on a trip very far from home to meet with strangers to go drinking and that it was arranged by alumnae. That seemed very very risky to me.

Here is something else that no one has mentioned which I think is important that has nothing to do with the drinking and not drinking problem. When no one knows you and you go to parties with a group of XYZ members as their guests for the weekend and even if you also are going to some other parties with the ABC members or whatnot, people are going to associate you with those sororities. That can limit your options very fast sorry to say so you better be sure you like those sororities a lot and hope they like you and want to bid you.