Originally Posted by valkyrie (Post 1415434)

I'm pretty sure James wouldn't be dating a young woman for 3 1/2 years without having sex with her.

Originally Posted by valkyrie (Post 1415434)

I'm pretty sure James wouldn't be dating a young woman for 3 1/2 years without having sex with her.

Originally Posted by christiangirl (Post 1415454)

LOL, that's what I was thinking.

But for real, in that class I was talking about there were 100+ people and I was THE ONLY ONE who didn't feel that if 2 people weren't having sex, it still was a relationship. Everyone else said that the couple were just friends.

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415466)

Sex, and sexual behavior do not a relationship make. That's not to say there's not a sexual drive behind your emotions and feelings for each other, there is. But, if, God forbid, something happened to my boyfriend and sex was no longer an option, I'd still love him. And I know that the opposite is also true.

Originally Posted by KSig RC (Post 1415477)

This is cute in kind of a "Hallmark/Oxygen TV/vomit" sort of way, and that's great for you guys - however, I don't want others in the thread to mistake what you're saying here (and the implications).

All healthy relationships require a strong, healthy sexual side. Do you necessarily need to have sex, per se? No - but you should be prepared to meet both your needs and your partner's in some other way. What does 'healthy' mean? Well, it's different for each individual, but it is 100% a point of compatibility - so if the female is comfortable with zero sexual contact, fine, but she'll be searching for quite some time for a sucker, errr dude who matches.

Before we start mangling our terminology further (for instance, "LOVE =/= HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP" would be the easiest addition to the tautology parade, but whatever), I think it's important to keep the inarguable points in mind - between religion, mythologizing of love and societal pressure, it's a difficult situation, but there is no getting around the fact that sexual compatibility is huge . . . and it's a huge problem for a large number of couples.

This is why I don't have trouble with the "technical virgin" mentality - while I don't really carry the same moral bases (obviously), if you feel that abstinence is solid for whatever reason, I can't fault you for pleasing your partner (and yourself). It doesn't seem super efficient, but it's your choice - and it will be quite difficult for people to have healthy relationships as an adult while remaining completely chaste.

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415480)

But hugging, kissing, making out are sexual contact and can be sufficient for both parties IF they both want it to be.

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415480)

The idea that guys are sexual machines and MUST be appeased with sex or else is silly. Being a sexual being is not the same thing as being sexually active, guy or girl.

Originally Posted by KSig RC (Post 1415489)

This can be true . . . but it's less "want" than "need" - each person has a level of satisfaction. Most can't "will themselves satisfied" with any relationship element, including this one - in fact, I'd argue no one should ever try.



See, here's the problem - you're wrong, both literally and in essence, for a large percentage of the population.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1415198)

Originally Posted by christiangirl (Post 1415312)

Okay, first thing's first.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:) at Captain Save a Hoe


Okay, I'm gonna be real, because I think I just let myself admit why this upsets me, so if I start to offend people or sound judgemental, let me know.

I look around me at the selection of women that my campus offers. Quality women, for the most part very nice. But looking at the ones who are in committed relationships or at least date a lot of handsome, well-mannered men, I can't help but compare to see what I'm doing wrong. There are sistahs out there who (and if this sounds judgmental I apologize, it's just observations) who look and act a hot mess on a consistent basis. Some look AND SMELL as though they aren't taking care of themselves. Some are mean and catty. Some spend more time in the boy dorms than their own and put their business in the street all the time. Many are extremely overweight AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING UNATTRACTIVE, they simply look completely and totally unhealthy. Some are perfectly likeable, beautiful, kind, warm-hearted, hard workers, etc. Then there's me--sweet but sassy, thick but shapely, nice but honest. I respect myself and others around me, do well in school (straight As) , make my own money, about to have a degree. I'm not fashion forward, but I at least BATHE REGULARLY, you can't smell me coming. I have a sarcastic sense of humor, lots of personality. I can have sort of a temper, a little attitude when you disrespect me or one of my friends--I'm mostly nice to everyone, but I'm no pushover. So I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, THAT'S NOT TRUE, but from what I observe, the only thing that other women do that I don't is have sex. That's all that I can think of and I honestly don't see why it should be that big of a deal that if you aren't getting it, you would walk away from a woman who has so many positives. I don't need a man to complete me, I have a lot going for me on my own, but when you've been single since H.S. with hardly any prospects, you wonder what you're doing wrong. So I put it to GC to know if sex is just that great that you would reject a woman's mind, heart, and spirit just because you can't have her you-know-what.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 1415696)

Men cheat married or single, and if there is any decent guys out there where are they?

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415689)

I'd argue that it's a strong want to a mild need. If you absolutely have to have it I think you're bordering addiction.

It just sounds to me like christiangirl needs a larger population to work from.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 1415696)

christiangirl the only thing that worries me about you is that since you've really never been in a long term serious intimate relationship, it's like gambling now. You could win and then you could lose. It's so hard finding a great guy now. Most of them are dogs. It seems like the only great guys out there are not very attractive. Both just doesn't exist anymore. My X was really nice looking but he was the biggest jerk I've ever met. Then I had this pest kind of a guy who was really nice but he was not attractive at all. I just don't want you to get married to the wrong guy, that's all. Men cheat married or single, and if there is any decent guys out there where are they?

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415689)

I'd argue that it's a strong want to a mild need. If you absolutely have to have it I think you're bordering addiction. If your significant other is away for a month for work, is that an excuse to cheat? What if it's six months while you get the family moved across country?

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415689)

And I'm not sure what you're commenting on in the second part. That for most sexual being=sexually active? I wouldn't disagree but the second isn't required.

Originally Posted by Drolefille (Post 1415689)

If you think that the majority of the male population MUST BE APPEASED with sex, well I'd disagree with you there too. You may feel that way, but I know plenty of guys who would accept a dry spell for the right girl, or would delay their ambitions because of it.