Giving this one a big ol' bump...

I have a group of classmates I'm pretty close with. One of the girls is getting married in May and sent out her invitations this week...she didn't "and guest" me. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend as long as this girl has been with her fiance, but I guess technically it's okay she didn't +1 me since the rules of etiquette say you should be engaged or shacking up before it's mandatory. However, another girl in our study group is MARRIED and her husband did not get invited. WTF?

She might not have a lot of $ to burn and therefore, only wants to invite/pay for the dinners of people she actually knows, not for their significant others.

But to not invite somebody's husband? I always thought spouses were mandatory.

I always thought that spouses are mandatory when following proper etiquette.

I agree with GP and 1920. Spouses and fiances/fiancees are to be included with guests you actually know, boyfriends are not necessarily included.

Honestly, in that situation I would call the bride and ask if there was a mistake on my RSVP card. And then, if my husband was not invited I would say flat out I wasn't coming.

When I was engaged, a friend of mine was getting married and when she sent me an invite it said my name "and guest." I thought that was kinda rude considering she had met my then-fiance and we had been out to dinner a few times together.

My old roommate addressed my invitation to her wedding not only to me, but to a guy I was good friends with and had a crush on. For real, she put his name on the invitation. And the place card at the rehearsal dinner, in spite of the fact that he was out of town and couldn't come to either... (we had rsvp'd in plenty of time for her to change it.) I brought another guy. He didn't like being called by the wrong name all night.

It's not tacky is called a "Courtesy Invitation", just to let the individual know that you were thinking of them when planning for your big day. You won't know for sure that they're not coming until you receive their RSVP!

This is such a tricky situation. A friend of mine is getting married soon and informed us that none of the girls in our group of friends are going to be invited with an "and guest", which is fine since they don't really know anyone's boyfriend. The weird thing is that they seemed to pick and choose who was invited with a guest because one of our friends made a point to say we'd all get to meet her new boyfriend at the wedding. Clearly since they've been dating for 5 minutes, the engaged couple doesn't know the new boyfriend. I think the rule of thumb should be to be consistent with whatever you choose and to follow basic etiquette rules with inviting spouses and fiance/fiancees.

I disagree- it is absolutely tacky. A lot of people consider that fishing for gifts. Receiving an invitation to something you can't attend makes most people feel that they have to at least send a gift. If you know someone can't attend, then send them an annoucement or picture or something after the fact. Don't send them an invite to something you already know they can't attend.

Fishing for gifts is always tacky.

Not necessarily - we sent invitations to some relatives (older aunts and uncles, etc.) who we knew couldn't travel the distance, kind of a way of letting them know we didn't forget about them. I don't think you can automatically assume that people are "fishing for gifts" in that case; you may run into more trouble if some family members don't get invitations, even if you know they probably won't be able to make it. For them, an announcement, etc., just won't cut it.

Anyone who is planning a wedding should just look at their own family and friends and figure out what works best; for some families, it may just look like "fishing," and in some families, you would get more grief for not sending the invitation. Like everything else, people should just do what's best for their situation, not what they saw in some magazine or on a message board.

I actually think that might be correct, etiquette-wise. It's sort of awkward to put Miss Mary Smith & Mr. John Jones on an invite.

Emily Post disagrees.

Ms. Mary Smith
Mr. John Jones
123 Peoplearetacky Court, Apt 2B
Here, XY 12347

Now, that would be for the outer envelope, right?

Yes, but inner envelope would say "Mary & John".

I also agree with KSigkid on the inviting people you know can't come. I had some friends who said they could not come, so I told them I wouldn't send them an invite. However, my family members I sent invites to anyway b/c they would have been offended if I didn't. They didn't see it as fishing for gifts - it all depends on your situation.