It's not even from a religious standpoint -- I mean, why the heck would anyone want kids outside of a marriage? It seems incredibly selfish to me. Parents should be focused on providing their kids with the best home possible, and I don't care how much we think we've "progressed" as a society -- 2 parent homes are ideal. Purposely bringing a kid into a 'less than ideal' situation is selfish and wrong. I'm not suggesting abortion as an alternative (unless that's what floats your boat) but don't go get knocked up just to have someone to talk to...

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If you go into the practice of law viewing your clients as idiot cash cows, you're going to end up bitter and hating your job. Also, paternity and child support collection aren't going to make you bank -- you're more likely to see the $$$ if you represent the well-off people who share your attitude that marriage is of the utmost importance -- that is, until they want to bang their secretaries and get the car and the house.

I'm not that cynical yet. Paternity and child support collection can pay the bills -- they don't bring in the big bucks, but they'll keep the rent paid. Paternity cases can actually be pretty darned contentious (therefore lucrative). I'm a legal assistant in a practice that handles quite a bit of family law right now and I'm learning a lot. I know exaclty how the bills get paid, and yes, those eminent domain six-figure fees are nice, but they don't come as often as the paternity/child support collection/divorce cases do.

As far as bitter/hating my job, no, despite the fact that I recognize that I'll make a lot of money doing this once I get that bar card, I also really enjoy helping these folks out -- even in my current underling/serviant role.

I'm going to do a little volunteer work this summer for Oklahoma DHS, so I should get a lot more experience with these kids from defunct homes -- I'll be doing first interviews after the kids are picked up, and I'll be doing kinship placement assessments... looks to be interesting stuff.

Who said that you aren't a 2 parent home if you don't have a marriage?

One of my friends from high school, Rachel, has been with her boyfriend, Derek, since she was a sophmore; 9 years now. They own their own home, have 2 adorable children, both have finished college, and she's going for her masters in social work. They are both incredibly commited to each other, and even went to couples counseling after her bout of postpartem depression so that the relationship kept working. Neither Rachel nor Derek need a peice of paper to state they are committed to each other.

On the other hand, Rachel grew up in two homes where her mother and father had restraining orders against the other. Derek's parents were together, and still are, but each have had multiple extramarital affairs.

Marriage is obsolete.

ktsnakes on a plane. you still didn't answer my question. :(

I strongly disagree. There are a lot of benefits to being married -- lower insurance, owning property in joint tenancy, can get on group insurance plans together, etc. There's very little reason not to be wed in their case. If they did end up splitting, one could bring a lawsuit against the other for division of the assets acquired during the relationship anyhow.

I think the theory is 'dissolution of a partnership,' but I could be wrong (and probably am).

I have to agree. What are the benefits to not marrying? If anything, it makes a separation if the couple splits up even worse. You have a whole lot of legal issues it creates. If one partner dies, you have a huge mess.

If you have a kid involved, that complicates things so much more.

People who say "we don't need a piece of paper" tend to be the people who end up splitting up, lol. That's an empty, meaningless phrase. Trying so hard to "stick it to the man". You end up making your lives, and potentially your child's lives, a lot more complicated.

They actually have very little reason to be wed.

They own property together- 2 vehicles, a house with acreage, and a boat.
Insurance rates go way down when you have a kid.
They have power of attorney over the others health and monetary decisions if one should become unable to express their wishes.
As far as I know, they are on a group health insurance through his job.

How is that type of splitting up different than suing for a divorce?

kddani- Who said anything about "sticking it to the man?" They watched their parents "marriages" mean absolutely nothing, they don't see the need to apply that label to their relationship.

"Marriage is an institution. People who willingly enter into it, need one."

A lot of employers/insurance policies will not cover a partner that you're not married to. Your friend is lucky. And smart that they some legal documents in place. I hope that they have a very explicit will as well, because it has the potential to get very messy if one person dies. Not everyone bothers to get their legal bases covered. And if you're going to go through all of that work and legal expense to basically try to accomplish a marriage in every sense except the name, then what's the point? You're setting up your own "institution" that's no different, except it's called something else. A rose by any other name...

Being married, from a legal standpoint, can make a lot of difference.

No one here said anything about "sticking it to the man", but it's the attitude of people i've seen IRL that support not getting married.

I'm sorry that someone's parents' marriage meant nothing, but if they choose not to find other role models, that's their own fault. There are a lot of very happy married couples out there that have been together their entire life.

You potentially make life very difficult for your partner and/or child if you don't marry. It's an individual choice, but there are a lot of downsides to not marrying.

I can definitely see why lawyers would view state sponsored marriages as a good thing . . . . There can be quite a cash out.

I will say that marriage doesn't seem to beneit the member of the partnership that makes the most amount of money, and there can be an enormous economic loss if/when the marriage fails.

If you knew that 60 percent of planes crashed would you ride one?

But we do know that 60 percent of marriages fail (or something like that). So I think a lot of you are optimistic to the point of almost being foolish.

But God Bless you for it ::)

But does that mean that no one should enter into marriage at all? Does that mean someone shouldn't get married? I think there's also the danger of being too pessimistic, i.e. "Most marriages fail, so why should I even try?"

I think there's a lot to be said for taking extra time to think about it. My wife and I lived together for two years prior to marriage. I've heard of some couples living together for longer, and I've heard of engagements that run around 5 years.

For my wife and I, marriage has been great. I know other couples who never married and it worked out perfectly for them. I think that when you start making decisions based on the statistics (and the process), rather than your own feelings and relationship, that's when you get into trouble.

That said, some may call me a biased observer, but that's just my opinion.

Not true. Unless you have a prenup or something, there are no lawyers involved. If anything, lawyers (if you were to generalize) would be more in favor of people not getting married, because you need a lot more legal work done to get the same rights that you would have if you were married. Getting married saves a lot of those legal steps.

Exactly!!!
Fellow educated single mom.

Bobby, it don't matter.

CUZ THERE'S MOTHER EFFIN KTSNAKES ON THE PLANE!

I'M NOT YELLING, THIS IS JUST HOW I TALK!

Oops I forgot about you. :eek: :p

Re: Getting pregnant before marriage
 

Just because you come from a good family, does not mean that you won't get pregnant.

Just because you come from a good family, does not meant that you do not have SEX and WON'T get pregnant.

I think people are coming down on you so hard because the possible descriptions you gave of someone who had gotten pregnant (poor, trailer trash, ghetto, etc.)....

I grew up around people from good families and some of them got pregnant in high school or in college.

Educate thyself....PLEASE.:cool: