Lemme help you a bit: When did you have crying spells? Did it follow your menstrural cycle? What about the periods you did not have spells? How was your moods then?

Draw out your issues for a month (meanwhile see your people) so that your healthcare providers can "track" it. The reason why that works is frequency and fluctuation. When you are in crisis, they stabilize the problem, then send you on your way to go figure... I KNOW--BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!

To have optimal care, you need to either fire your therapist and get one you can work with. In fact you need to interview them to see what their qualifications are and how to help you... I know my current therapist's education, clinical experiences and I pretty much asked her directly what my current issues are. For the times I have seen her, she has already assisted me tremendously... The one before her, I fired... And my insurance is a co-op HMO...

This thread has been very moving and painful.

I definately believe that AA's need to get therapy to help us deal with our issues. But I have a question. I realize that it could be me....but has anyone ever been in therapy and it not help but make you more deperessed? Thats what happened to me. I had tried two other therapists and one needed her own therapist and the other struck me as untrustworthy. I dumped them both after the first session. The last one seems really nice and I thought i was doing really well with her. But then, 3 months later, I felt more depressed than I was before i started seeing her because we were bring up old issues that i was trying to put behind me. And we weren't coming to any real resolution. I dropped her too.
Again....it could be me:D

See....that was what i thought, that it was cyclical. A certain time before my cycle I would be a pure fool. It explained why the meds didnt work. But they did those tests and came back negative. Also once i started to tell doctors the types of abuse i'd survived they deduced i was depressed. I may have been. I still may be. I dont know. I just deal with it now. I guess.

This is hard:(

Yes... Since I moved to my current location. It made me not want to work with them. Then I got a therapist who I started having to tell them my agenda of what I wanted to work on for an hour...

This is just my suggestion and not my professional opinion: You need to read more about your conditions and "group" may be a viable option for you. A nice 12 step program or there is another one. 1-on-1 might not work well for you because you might have some inhibitions about sharing your issues with close quarters...

The other issue is "mindfulness seminars" or meditation practice. More HMO's are "dallying" with giving these courses--they do cost, but might be worth it for you.

I would start with Dr. David Burns' books. There are good Christian books, like "Purpose Filled Life" and Dr. Gary Chapman. If you don't like those, I would then try Hayhouse books - that woman, Louise Hay--WOW!!!


Do you have it written down somewhere that a trained psychiatrist can easily review to assist you... Make them make copies of your complaints and your monthly tracker and ask them how are they going to address this for you. They pretty much give you compliance to your wishes...

Just because you are an abuse survivor does not necessarily say you have depression... There are roughly 10 symptoms and 6 of them must be fulfilled. It is generally the case for abuse survivors, which makes the group options probably very good for you, now. But, only you and your healthcare providers can assist you through this problem...

I would "visit" as many groups as I was willing to do so and find one that makes you feel comfortable. You are not required to say anything other than your name (which you can make up) and "I am just here learning about XYZ".

But the way to combat those "negative voices" or "bad tapes" is through talk therapy. Not sure why it works, but it does...

The last thing I suggest when you feel up to it, take a yoga class... You must find your center and balance...

Had no idea about the correlation between diabetes and depression.

First (((((((((((((((((teena))))))))))))))))))

Second: I am worried about you... But that's me. So PM me when you get a chance.

Third: I forgot I should give you websites:

Hayhouse. A healing site for folks who have suffered tremendously. Louise Hay has been to Hayle and back and says she has. She has just published a book with all her "new friends". I read a story about a dyslexic boy (now a man) and what he endured in school: Dr. Demartini. I think this book is a good start, too.

And if you can only read one sentence, do so and try every day until you get to a paragraph.

Lastly, I do have to give my LS props, she does this kind of thing also: Dr. Cherry Collier

YES!!! And truth be told, you can't be everything to everyone else while you are quietly going to pieces. And we DON'T have to be everything to everyone. It's not healthy.

Teena, girl, we are here for you. Share when you are ready. Sometimes you gotta go through it again to get past it, otherwise it keeps popping up to trip you up. When you deal with it, you know how to get around it. :) ((teena))

its not you....
 

trust your gut. looking at your first post, i think i had the same issue with paxil. i was lucky because my therapist at the time was a physician. very smart and ver concerned about my health and welfare.

therapy should be a place of trust and safety. if you dont feel that way, then its time to start looking at other options.

it is not you.

another thought....
 

look into post traumatic stress disorder. for years, i used to have nightmares related to the abuse i suffered. it wasnt until the second mental breakdown and subsequent hospitalization that ptsd was considered. it made sense and changed my entire outlook and approach to my recovery.

Thanks all. I mean it. Im fine. Really. I just find myself really really really really angry sometimes. Really angry. I dont *think* I am depressed. I do know that the past effects me even now. I remember when I was in the military the duty sergent would do bed check. I would wake up screaming whenever they would come in my room. It got to the point, they wouldnt come our room they would only crack the door. Or I would have to stay up until they did bed check. I still have issues about being surprised when sleeping or from behind. I have no idea, where that came from, though.

I've talked to my close friends about things. Never any one friend though. No one person knows everything. I can relate to someone's statement about a mask. But I think we all have to have a mask anyway, just to deal.

I swear, I am not kidding. About two weeks ago, I told someone that i think that I suffer PTSD. For real. I was acting wiggy about something, crying and carrying on, about somethign I shouldnt have been that upset about.

Ok. Here is the the question, what if you start digging and trying to get to the root of your issue, and you wind up worse off than you were initially. Thats my fear.

Teena, get thee to some counseling. Like I said before, if you don't get to the root, the thing just keeps growing. Find someone who specializes in PTSD and go from there.