Soror AKA_Monet,

You must not realize that Arthel is a SOROR! :p
You must have missed that convo! :D ;)

Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

Rather than getting "sistah friends," why can't they just get a backbone and straighten those men, themselves.

I wish a non-black woman would come to me asking about how to straighten out her Black man. Just like I don't give out soul food recipes and hair advice for their kids, I sure as heck ain't about to advise them on how to get that man together. If he is such a headache or she can't handle him, she should have left him where he was.

And notice how our Soror ain't on the O'Reilly show no mo' and I wonder why? Hmmmmm? 'Cuz she'd get Bill tongue tied in a minute and gwirlfriend always looked good when she was on the show at the end...

Same as how Soror Star be handlin' these looney women on the view... ;)

Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

'Cuz from what I've seen, that is why brothaman be playin' these women--he uses the "poor me"--"I's a po black man suffrin' by da man" crap essentially putting the woman in the position to feel sorry for his dumbass.

Any man that abuses the sympathy from a woman is stupid. I have seen more dumb bruthas do it--most especially toward women of other ethnic groups than other dumb men. But that's because I've mostly been around bruthas. The concept is called "mind fcuking". All men do it. It is to what degree they do it and how far a woman is willing to put up with it. But when the rules are different, due to cultural identity issues, then it is easy for some men to play that game until they are called on it...

Think of OJ busting up into the house cursing out Nicole--like he'd get 2 steps into the house if Nicole was a sistah...

What usually happens is that women from other ethnic groups socially isolate themselves trying so hard to please a Black man--especially a Black man for some reason that they have very few other women to speak to when there are problems in the relationship. And there will always be problems with any relationship. Believe me, I know, I've had them all... Then when there are problems, some of them may be culturally related--such as the hard day at work and the police harrassed you. Some women from other ethnic groups are unable to understand that issue, especially if they have not experienced it, nor have had the cultural exposure to it. So the Black man has to explain it to her in detail which is hard to do because racism and bigotry is psychologically humiliating to a human being. That is its power over another person...

So as with any other person who cannot deal with their problems, the anger and focus gets turned onto the ones they love the most with the greatest weakness... Playing on her emotions and lack of knowledge to reign superior as a man over her. And a woman from another ethnic group who has already socially isolated herself from her family and friends due to her choice to love a man outside of her social identity is probably the weakest link and can be easily attacked.

That's just my opinion from my life experiences. That is the best way I can rationalize what has happened in my life. When I saw my brother say some of the things he said to his wife, I was appalled and sometimes I stepped in and cursed his ass out for pulling that BS on her. It was plain stupid. I have to support my brother, but at the same time, I cannot let another human being be hurt in the manner he was doing to her. It was a domination thing. And from what I can see, many bruhs try to be domineering over women. Call it the misogyny that they have in general...

For practical purposes, men from other ethnic groups may be domineering over women, but it has been my experience that they do it differently. Is it less or more compared to bruhs. No. It is just different.

Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

They can always stick with what they know. I still ain't handing our recipes, hair advice for the kids, or keep-a-brotha-in-check skills.

If they choose to make their life with a brotha, they should make sure they can handle everything that comes along with it.

And WOW@you getting in married folks' business, brother or not. I am married, and so is one of my brothers. Regardless of what is going on in our respective houses, it is our business. I'm sure cussing your brother out did nothing in the long run. If anything, the poor woman paid for it, when they got home. By your own admission, your brother is still an a-hole towardss her.

She needs to get a backbone, period.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

Sad part is it now involved a child... She wanted him, my brother didn't...

And it's hard to stay outta grown folks bi'ness, when yo mama come up to see you and is crying in yo house 'bout how looney one's brother is acting...

Good thing my husband keeps reminding me about that fact... :rolleyes:

That depends, do you look like Denzel? :rolleyes:

I thought you said you only date white girls?

Can't believe I'm responding to someone with the name putang clan...... :o

Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

If an African American woman even tried to give my mother a recipe or tell her how to do our hair, she would have told them to kiss her azz, LMAO.

I'm guilty of giving out hair advice, though.:D

Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

Good for your mama for knowing how to take care of her children and knowing what she was getting into, before having y'all.

I can't tell you how many white and Asian chicks have asked me and a circle of friends I used to have how to do their kids' hair, how to cook different dishes, and worst of all to talk to in-laws or others about how great they are with their kids/husbands/household/other Blacks.

I got tired of it.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

I understand your position. Nobody likes to see their mother cry. But they are a couple, and they should be left to their own issues. My brother recently got married, and he called me one night wanting to vent and get advice.

I've been married a lot longer than him, and I gave him the best advice that I knew. I told him not to call me, or anyone else, venting and asking for advice regarding his wife. He needs to talk to her. Nobody can tell him about how she's feeling better than she can.

My daddy taught me to never get in a couple's affairs and to never bring anyone into ours.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

Soror that is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Before I married my husband I was so in love with my college sweetheart that you couldn't tell me we weren't getting married! Throughout our 6 year relationship we had our ups and downs and I found myself confiding in my closest girlfriends. Well, after a rough 6 years and an even rougher break up we are best friends but my girlfriends can never shake the image that I painted of him no matter how much I try to convince them he's changed. Needless to say this is behavior I do not engage in now that I am married. Whenever I feel the urge to tell my sister something about my husband I just remind myself that long after I've forgiven him my words will linger in my her mind and I won't be able to take them back.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Y'all just too silly... ;)
 

OHHHH the irony... It was my mom who told me to stay outta a couple's affairs, but she's the one that gossips to me about my brother...

I really don't talk to my brother all that much...

Basically, I said what I had to say before he got married... After he got married, I didn't say chit to him and his wife and their relationship.

I think maybe there is a misunderstanding about my points. I am purely regarding it from a domestically violent relationship...

I have seen and heard my brother yell at his wife. As far as him yelling toward ANY woman in front of me, I cannot handle that and I take that personally. To me that is domestic violence and I will not allow that kind of yelling to escalate. Do that kinna chit away from me because I will say something... Especially to my brother...

And no, I will not leave the room or go somewhere else when any man thinks he can speak to a woman any way he wants to--especially if it is done in front of me...

I have been in a domestically violent relationship and withstood verbal abuse and if in my own way I can prevent any woman from undergoing that situation I will...

And I have seen A LOT of African American men be domestically violent against women generally. There are many reasons for that, many of them have to do with racism. However, the basis of domestic violence is about power in the relationship--making the other person subservient by any means necessary. Not ALL African American men--but a significant number of them do not know how to have an appropriate relationship with a woman. Whatever the reason, IMO there does need to be something done about that.

And when I speak on this topic alone, domestic violence, if the African American man is purveyer of that violence it is usually over women that 1) are African American women or 2) women that lack the basic understanding of the cultural identity--namely other ethnic groups...

As an example, I know plenty of Asian women that are very strong willed and minded women, extremely intelligent and will speak their minds. But they will hesitate with some African American men who they might be dating because that man will hit them...

That is how our men often get into deep trouble... It does not make it right... Should we really stay out of that? Or should we teach our African American men how to not think that it is okay to be misogynistic and abusive toward women generally by first starting off with loving their African American women?

That is where I am coming from... PM me if you would like to discuss further...

So your grill is jacked up?

dang

:(