That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. :confused: Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

I'm in my mid-30s, have been dating my bf for 4 years, and get this all the time. My family staged a sort of "intervention" to see if I ever planned to get married to him--they had been talking about it behind my back and actually drew straws to see who would "confront" me about it! I'm usually perfectly content with my relationship with my bf, but then people tell me that we "should" be married by now, and then I get anxious. I hate it. But it's none of their business. I have plenty of friends who have kids and are divorced, and I am glad that I am not in that situation. I am the only one from my pledge class still not married, but I don't feel bad about it, so I don't know why anyone else should worry about it either.

PS: Lovespink88, don't listen to those idiots who are worked up about the admissions stuff--yes, that's a total aside from the purpose of this post, but the Trib is just trying to get readers and your degree is worth a lot!

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

The whole kids thing bothers me so much more than the marriage issue. I know quite a few people who have struggled to conceive, and would never dream of asking anyone about it. People just don't get it. I'm sorry you have to go through that. My old boss and his wife never had kids, and he constantly was asked why. I can't believe people would ask such a question! My stepmom always asks my brother and sil when they are going to have kids, and I finally told her to lay off. She just couldn't understand why it would bother someone. Um, hello?

ITA - it drives me batty. I will have kids when I damn well feel like it! And I think I might steal your answer - that ought to quiet some of my family!

We're not even married yet and live-in's mom is constantly asking when we're gonna have kids. Last time we told her that she was young enough that she should enjoy her adult children without grandkids running around for a while.

We've told her in about 100 different ways that we want to wait until we're married first, and we're nowhere near ready to get married. She's engaged now - I'm sure the "well we can plan both our weddings at the same time!" comments will come soon.

I'm forever single. I don't get the "when are you going to get married" question as much as I get the "Do you have a boyfriend yet" question.

On my 23rd birthday, my grandmother called me and said, "You know, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my 3rd child!"

My dad married in his mid-30s, my mom was in her late 20s - maybe I just see that they both got to do their thing for a while before marrying. I'm not in a long-term relationship and I never have been. On those Debbie Downer days, I ask myself "what is wrong with me?" I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with me, I just don't care to settle. I think it's fair to expect what you want. And that's what I'm doing.

I've been dating my boyfriend for four months, and already I'm getting the "where's the ring?" Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? Why would anyone want us to rush into anything? (especially with my track record, but that's not something everyone knows about)

I had a lull then started getting that question again. About 3 times in the last week and a half. I guess my birthday triggered something--my getting older renewed their curiosity.

I get the "will you ever have kids?" question most often. I'm only 26 & my fam is trying to get me to skip steps.

I say go for it and start one.

1. It would be a great place to trade witty comebacks
2. It would be a great place to find comardarie with others who are choosing to put off having children (including forever putting them off)

and most importantly:
3. It would be a great place for that oh-so-important PSA that this question is NEVER acceptable. EVER. There are too many people that have struggled with infertility, miscarriages, etc., and I have literally seen women brought to tears over the question.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years and we both constantly hear, "When are you moving in together?"

We both value our space and enjoy having our separate pursuits. I like coming home to my roommates and cats whereas he enjoys his peace and quiet. Why do we have to live together because we are dating? We have forever to look forward to, why rush things now?

I just roll my eyes whenever I get that question. It's not even their business. Grr..

That is so inappropriate. Just because getting married and having children young was right for her doesn't mean it's right for you.

I had the opposite problem. I got married when I was 23, and more than one person (including my MIL, who herself got married at age 20 :rolleyes: ) told me they thought I was getting married too young.

Nothing is wrong with you. Trust me - don't settle for marrying just any old guy just so you can check off the "get married before age <whatever>" box. If you meet the right man, great. And if you don't - wouldn't you rather stay single than marry some loser just so you have a ring on your finger?

One of my grandmothers was married and having kids in her late teens (yes she finished high school) the other didn't marry until about 30, and had her one child at 36. The age disparity is interesting as my great grandmother on one side is roughly the same age as the grandmother on my other. There's also a divide amongst my cousins as one either marries and has kids young, or waits to marry and have kids in their thirties (usually due to education and career).

I figure I can wait if my grandmother did it way back in the day, and anyone who thinks there is something wrong with my choice to do other things before a family and kids is showing their own insecurity and perhaps jealousy since my single life has afforded me a lot of amazing experiences.

This is the way I feel. Although my maternal grandparents got married when they were 20, they didn't start having kids until about 10 years later which was INSANE for the 1940s! They got to go to amazing places all over the world and within the US because they spent their youth childless, and encouraged their children to do the same. All of the grandkids have graduated from college, and most have gone on to graduate school. I have never received any marriage or baby pressure from my mother's side of the family.

My father's side, however, is another story. Although my grandmothers are exactly the same age, my dad's mom started having kids in her early 20s and didn't stop until her mid 40s. Of my fathers' 13 siblings, I believe 3--including my father--went to college. Of the 60 or so grandchildren, 15 of us went to college and I believe 5 have advanced degrees. 50, however, have children. So, when I go visit them, they're like, "why don't you have kids?" What the EFF?!

Also, the idea of having a child right now scares the hell out of me. In my inner circle (friends/co-workers I see on a weekly basis), there's been one stillbirth, one nuchal cord that necessitated a week-long NICU stage, and one micropreemie. If you stretch it out to acquaintances and friends who aren't nearby, there are even more complications and a few miscarriages. I know this stuff happens all the time, but for it to all happen at once is making me very cautious.

The thing is though, I get from what you've shared about yourself, that if we were single women who had babies with special needs, our families have the resources to assist us (though we're capable on our own) and that we'd still have careers and achieve our goals. Sometimes when I am with my family I feel as if I'm the exception, and not the rule. I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.

As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.

I laughed out loud.

This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"

LOL

I have two separate friends in their early 30s who have gotten married and gotten divorced. In both cases, their first spouses just ran off one day. One of my friends is remarried with a baby, the other is engaged. It is sad...

There's that, but for me it was the realization that babies die or can be very close to death. I've known families where this has happened, but usually there's an underlying factor (drug use, a genetic disorder that should have been recognized) or the mom was told from the beginning that she shouldn't have children. This year, I dealt more with couples who did everything "right" and still the kid died or was very close to it. That scares me a lot.

I love my nephew, but I'm currently traveling with him and he coughed so much he barfed...I almost puked when he puked. I think my sympathetic gag reflex needs to be worked on before I become a parent. I also was with my baby cousin (my 1st cousin's kid, she's 12) and we talked a lot about cousins who had babies young and that it is hard so she can wait until she finishes college. I like that I'm now the good example and someone to be admired instead of pitied. I'd never be able to pick up and travel domestically or internationally, or live in a tent in Alaska for two months if I had a kid at 20. I'm going to try to get her to come visit me while I still live in a college town so she can get excited for college, and hopefully she'll stay in Girl Scouts.

People will tell you it's different when it's your own kid, with regards to that sympathetic gag reflex. They are lying :) You just hope it doesn't happen too often!

I realize this is a thread for "single ladies," but just wanted to jump in and say that my wife and I heard the same thing. We got married when I was 24 (she was 23), and we hear "Oh my gosh, you guys were too young!" quite a bit.

Same here -- we were both 23 when we married. I get a lot of people asking me why we got married so young. I'm like, "Uh...because we felt like it?"

Even though I finally decided to take the plunge with my other half and get engaged I still get annoyed for others who are pestered with this question. I have HS school classmates who have been married/had children/gotten divorced/gotten remarried FOUR TIMES since we graduated....15 years ago. Gee, wonder why I waited to pull the trigger??

Do you think it's regional? Where I grew up, most people do get married at that age. I think it's coastal California and the Bos-Wash corridor where younger marriages are looked askance--the assumption is that either you did it because you were pregnant, or your parents didn't want you to live together before marriage. Not that I think either of those are valid reasons to get married, but it seems to make more sense to people here than the usual reason--that you get married because you love someone and you want to.

That was pretty much the crux of what I was getting at. I even mentioned coastal California! ;)

I'd buy that explanation.

We're both 23 and we get that a lot, too. The stunned "Oh my Gaaaaaaaaaaaawd... you're so young!" The thing is, the ONLY person who said this and really knows us is FIL, who also felt that DH should never get married or have kids. Luckily, he also felt that if DH had to get married, I was the person he should marry. Apparently, I'm awesome like that.

See, I grew up in the Bay Area and a HUGE number of people I knew from HS are married or engaged already. I wouldn't expect that from that area, but there ya go. Actually....now that I think about it, a lot of my hs friends are married/engaged but most of the people I knew but didn't hang out with are still single. Hmmm...

You know it's interesting. I have been dating the boyfriend for three years and half the time I get "so you are engaged?" The other half is "don't get to serious!" The pattern has been that the people who are wanting a wedding are not from here (the West Coast) while the waiting people are from the area.