Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!

I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing.

I'll have what she's having.

He was sworn in on a stack of Bibles, because if you can't beat a dead guy in an election, you're going to need all the help you can get.

O Captain! My Captain!

I'll be quiet. (I'll be peace)

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.

I probably could have saved her if I'd have moved sooner. But I thought it was just another nightmare, like the one I had the night before. There was... there was this guy; he had knives for fingers.

I'm not dead yet!

I'm getting better!

Once, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shitsu.

Really?

Yeah, we called it a Bullshit....

His parents gotta be decent people if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

Sometimes I dance around my apartment in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna.

The secret's in the sauce.

Fun?! Fun?! Oh, yes, yes as a matter of fact it is! We're supposed to do the show in 2 days, you won't show me lifts, I'm not sure of turns, I'm doing all this just to save your ass, when what I really want to do is drop you on it!

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit.

You know where you can bury your hatchet? Now get your bony ass outta my sight!

I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

Disturbing the peace?! I got thrown out of a window! What's the fuckin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?!

I want my two dollars!!

When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky for example. Now in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, its just what you've been searching for all these years.

It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

They're gonna keep callin' us "cutters." To them, it's just a dirty word. To me, it's just somethin' else I never got a chance to be.

Do you like apples? Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples??

Get busy living, or get busy dying. That's goddamn right.

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.

You'll have nothing and like it!

Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.

The price is wrong bitch.

That's what I like about these high school girls, I keep getting older, they stay the same age.

I refuse to go out with a guy whose ass is smaller than mine.

Mrs. Bonafonte is entitled to full canine custody and will be enforcing said custody...right now.

So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and we're supposed to swoon? I don't think so.

Do you know how many hours I spent looking for my Temple of Poon tape? One! That's a long time to be looking for porn!

Never call a broad more than once a week. Never, never, never.

I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?

You hit my hair!!! I spend a long time on my hair and he hits it. He hits my hair.

This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in my life. This thing is nicer than my apartment.