[QUOTE=lovespink88;2092064]DG Illinois, I hope Ava is having a great day! That's so great that she still has so many options (a full schedule!)

Thanks so much! She is a wonderful girl and she has a lot of wonderful options, I am excited for her because I know she will embrace the house that wants her with open arms.

My poor daughter had her heart broken again, and again, and again. She was invited back to only six houses, but not the three she fell in love with last week. She can't really see herself in any of the remaining six, and had a tough time deciding which to preference. I don't think her heart is in at all ...

Thanks! No I am actually her Aunt so she was not a legagy. My sister was in a different house there though and that house is still on her schedule so my sister is so excited. We are just very close and I tried to convince her that maybe she loved my house so much because she loves me so much. She is excited about the houses she is visiting today, I just think it's a little scary because she told me she's afraid to really bond with anyone in case they don't invite her back tomorrow. I reminded her this process is hard but worth it, throw yourself into these parties and be yourself and don't worry about invites. I know it's easy to say, but I just keep saying positive things over and over again and hope that it sinks in somewhere.

I'm sorry about your daughter and I would be very sad if the same happened to my daughters. But reading that your daughter found her home in a house with different letters and is so happy shows that it is really something that is probably much more important to me because I want to share that with them. But what I truly want is for my daughters to be happy just like we all do. (Thankfully that's a long while away). I can say that the 4 years I was there we really took our legacies in almost every situation. I don't want anyone to get mad at me, I realize the number of legacies is much larger now, but there was no way any of us wanted to call the legacy and advise them their daughter was not returning. I never met any rushee (as we would say) that didn't have special qualities that we would love, so there was never a valid reason to not invite them to join our house.

I appreciate this site so much though because it really helps me understand how today is so different in regards to legacies and RFM.
I will be better able to prepare my daughters for the expectaton of what rush is today and to go into it with an open heart and to expect some parts of it to be difficult. Also I love that I am a legagy to my biological daughter and my beautiful step-daughter who I am lucky enough to have in my life! They are the same exact age too, so I will need all of you when I have both my girls going through at the same time!

And I didn't change the font in italics to be dramatic, it just happened and I'm too lazy to rewrite everything :) !

Oh, I hope she regains her balance. SIX chapters still really want her; I'm sure there has to be at least one that she would love. Please, please, please talk her into at least finishing the process.

I was worried when we hadn't heard from you yet and I did send you a pm early this morning so I hope you got it and knew I was thinking about you. I don't know what early preference is, but maybe I'm reading this wrong. I just hope she went back to all the houses she could today.
The last parties are really great and pref night at every house is a magical experience that can really give your daughter insight on how much these girls would love to have her.

Sorry - meant she didn't know which three to preference for tomorrow. You would think with six, there would be at least ONE that she could at least live with until she fell madly in love. But it's just not the case. She did complete her card and return it, but she doesn't feel good about any on her list.

Do you have any idea why she can't see herself in these six? Is it because she can't get past thinking about the ones that dropped her? I've read a lot of recruitment stories and I don't ever remember anyone getting six (!) invites and thinking they weren't a good fit for any of them.

The houses there are wonderful and those 6 are inviting her back because they see something in her. I'm glad she went back today but I am really surprised she doesn't feel good about any of them.

I hope I didn't confuse anyone when I said Ava was upset today about the choices she had left. She was more upset with getting cut from one she was really leaning towards. That didn't work out, but she would love to be in a sorority and she really liked the other houses. She was just worried about gettig invitations to preference on Sunday from the 7 she was visiting today.

The first house she fell in love with back during the Open House rounds was a house that she had no ties to, but just loved it. She was very discouraged not to get that back, but went to the 9 houses that did invite her back, and decided there were three in that bunch that she really liked - she had friends from home in two of the houses, and her room mate and suite mate both liked the third. She was so excited for today, only to be crushed (her words) not to be invited to the only three she liked. She said the six she visited today were always on the bottom of her list, and she doesn't feel good that ones she wanted didn't want her, and it doesn't make her feel better that six houses did want her, maybe there's something wrong with THEM for continuing to invite her back, and the litany goes on. I guess she doesn't want to be a member of any club that wants her ... Ugh!

I know this is easier said than done, but she needs to get up, dust herself off and reevaluate just how lucky she is to have 6 groups interested in her. I have a feeling that roommate and company are influencing her or she is allowing them to influence her.

I can relate to your pain...I have had two daughters go thru rush at very competitive schools, and the stress can make you crazy. Despite what we tell our daughters, it becomes very personal. These houses have made her feel special, and then she is cut, and to an 18 year old who for the most part has had a pretty blessed life with few disappointments, the focus becomes what is wrong with me?? You feel like your heart is being ripped out because you can't help them, but that is part of growing up. You tell them this will be a growing experience that will make them stronger but they don't want to hear that at the time. Encourage her to complete the process-sometimes they get caught up in the emotion and they're so emotionally exhausted they can make rash decisions they come to regret (my oldest daughter dropped out but then went thru the following year with alot more wisdom about the process, but she was unhappy her freshman year watching what she could have been involved in if she'd let the process play out-she did join a sorority that probably wasn't at the top of her list the previous year). The focus right now is 6 houses invited her back...I'm sure there are many girls that don't have those kind of choices. My best advice is have a martini (or two) to make it thru the next few days!

Sounds like the disappointment of being cut by her early favorite led her to "over focus" on the three remaining chapters that had connections for her==chapters that her friends liked or that had friends from home as actives. Those are "safe" chapters for her.

Hard to believe that out of six remaining chapters, there are not several that would be a good fit. Encourage her to stay, to remain open to what she sees and feels at the pref parties. Those are special times, and emotionally they provide a window into membership, and open the rushees up to see the possibilities.

I hope she puts her wounded pride aside to explore some new options. It's tough to be 18...that is for sure!! It's hard to be a Mama, Auntie, Godmom or friend seeing a young woman take some hits in rush. Hang in there.

You realize that their are members on here that may be in those 6 houses. I don't think anything is wrong with THEM at all and I'm sorry your daughter or you think that or would even say that out loud.

I didn't take it as an insult to the houses she has left. I took it as a very confused young woman who can't figure out what she thinks any longer and is talking herself in circles that don't necessarily make sense.

I didn't take it as insult, either. I don't think Clara Mom was agreeing with her daughter's attitude. I think she finds her daughter's attitude frustrating. She sounds very young and sort of insecure.

If she were mine, I would encourage her to go to pref and keep an open mind. Maybe she'll see something she likes and find a home. If she doesn't, she should probably withdraw and informal rush later with the caveat that she should realize that her favorites may not be able to offer any informal bids and even if they can, they may not offer one to her. I'd also encourage her to explore other extracurriculars. There's a ton of great stuff to do at U of I, and good extracurriculars could only strengthen her if she decides to informal rush or rush as a sophomore.

After watching this board for a year I can only say Clara Mom, encourage your daughter to finish. They have a pledge period for a reason and have her not look at the letters but the girls going back to the house with her. These will be her sisters not the letters. A very wise Aunt told my daughter bid day..."You go in there and put a smile on your face and get your bid card. It won't matter what the letters are the minute you see your pledge sisters."...I later found out she was a sophomore going thru UW's rush years ago...and my experience was a school in New Mexico...yes my daughter pledged at a Big 10 school last year. It gave me another letter and philanthropy to love. Finish finish finish...in the end regrets are only that they didn't.

I just want to caution that, looking at number of active members on the spring grade reports, I'm not certain there will be any chapters doing informal.

I think that Clara Mom's daughter is having the kinds of feelings that so many pnm's share and I do not think that her comments are that unusual at all. It is the reality that on every campus some chapters are considered to be more desirable, for many reasons...campus involvement, # of members, national/regional reputation, and yes, physical attractiveness. The young pnm's feed into the frenzy, it can't be helped I don't think!

But, yes, Clara Mom, I do agree that your darling daughter must proceed with a good attitude! There are many other girls rushing at her school who are in the very same shoes as she is!! Girls that she would love to have as a sorority sister!!

There is NOTHING wrong with any of the six houses. She is just crushed that each round she has picked a favorite, and she hasn't been asked back. I am sure that part of her is thinking that the three she put to top today are sure to drop her, and she will be going back to her back ups, once again. She is also upset that some of her friends were asked back to her favorites, and they were their back ups. Please cut her some slack.

Before I make anyone angry with me, let be clarify my previous comment by saying that the "physical attractiveness" of a chapter in NO WAY determines the strength of the sisterhood or the happiness of the membership. I am 100% certain that all of the Illinois chapters are strong and solid and that they have amazing sisterhoods. Just saying what I think pnm's are perceiving as they go through the recruitment process.

Clara Mom, my daughter felt the same way. She loved one house and got invited back over and over until perf! Then they dropped her. She was very sad (crying) but she did get two invites to perf. I gave her the whole "pull yourself together" speech. I also reminded her that part of the reason she started the whole process was to be part of the greek system. I also stressed that in a sorority of over 100 girls how many will you "be pals" with? You will find your group within the group. My daughter is in the midst of the new member period and still feels "out of it" and overwhelmed (loving it all!) but as with all good things it will take time to formulate friendships.

Relax. It's almost over! :)

Yes, but we're talking about SIX chapters, here. That's a full one-third of the women in the Greek system*. You can't tell me that any PNM can honestly rule out that many women as unfit for her to associate with.

*Okay, it's only NPC chapters, but you get the idea.

Yep. 6 out of what, 17? That is a huge pecentage. Especially considering these are large chapters. Sure to find sympatico women/potential sisters in that mixture.

I wouldn't. If her daughter doesn't like any of her choices, then she should withdraw. There are girls who love the houses she is rejecting. The members of those houses deserve to have girls who love them and want to be there. Let someone else have the bid, if you don't like the house. It's not fair to the members or other PNM.

If she doesn't like any of her choices, she should withdraw, even if it means that she probably can't open rush.

KDCat, the problem with your argument is her daughter more than likely doesn't actually know what she wants. She got herself set on too few chapters too early and is not dealing with the rejection well. These chapters are too big and have too much diversity for her to really not like them. At this point she has met something like 9 girls out of around 175 in each of the chapters. At the chapters she loved, she has met a few great girls and is making a lifelong decision based on those 2 or 3 girls. And more than likely those 2 or 3 girls who she's making this lifelong decision around, she's had probably 1 5-minute conversation with. That's not the house - that's one rockin' rusher.

In this case, she can't even be deciding based on the lowest tier houses because there aren't 6 "worst houses" at Illinois. I hope she sticks with it. We all know that it sucks to experience the rejection of recruitment but the fact is at a school this size, there is just about no way BUT to have that kind of rejection.

I think there are probably a lot of people following this thread thinking "I hope she's not feeling that way about MY chapter. We have so much to offer!"

Getting ready to head to my chapter to help with pref! I am so so incredibly proud of them--they looked stunning yesterday and seemed to be giving it their all. :)

As for the daughter, rec girl and niece in this thread, I hope they have a great day!

Clara Mom, I'm sorry your daughter is really feeling rejected and hurt but I have to say that I'm happy to hear that she hasnt withdrawn. Anytime I hear about a PNM who is as upset as she seems to be, they usually just give up. I'm glad she gave those 6 a shot and hopefully she seems something special in her preference chapters today!

I've had no update from one of my rec girls. My other rec girl's mom (one of my best friends, who was in a different house at U of I from mine) gave me only a vague update on her daughter, and informed me that of her daughter's top 5, she is not going back to 3 of them (including my house and her own house) - just that they weren't a fit. Her daughter did go through 3rd stage, has a ton to offer any house, is very self-confident, has kept a very open mind through the whole process, and will be going to pref today (I'm just not sure where), so it is entirely possible that she is 100% pleased with how things are going. Mom just didn't say where she is going for pref or how she's feeling about it, so I'm not prying at this point. Everyone's nerves are a little on edge (sometimes us moms are the most edgy of all).

Good luck to all!

I totally agree that she hasn't met enough of any one chapter to really know that she won't fit in that chapter, much less know that she won't fit in at all six.

But if it were my chapter, I would prefer that she didn't take a bid if she disliked us that much.

It's just one person's opinion, not an argument. YMMV.

My rec girl is preffing at...

Delta Gamma
Kappa Alpha Theta
Kappa Delta

Her three favorites! I am so excited for her!

Aannnnd just minutes before the first party, it started to drizzle. Poor PNMs!!!

At least it's almost over. Clara mom, wish your daughter could know what we know, that inside each house are sisters who will stand by you and those who won't, those who will be there throughout your life, and those who will surprise you with their generosity just because you are their sister. There will also sadly be those who disappoint or fall short of your expectations. The sisters who wow you at recruitment may not be seen from again after life goes back to normal. The ones you never saw at recruitment might amaze you with their kindness and leadership. It's not just about realizing you can find sisters in every house. It's about knowing each house has its good and bad and you can't just hang on to what you saw in the movie trailer.

CubbieBlue,

Good luck to her! I'm sure she'll have a great time today and will love her new house!

Can I edit this a bit and use it for a card that I'm writing for the new members? Assuming these are your original thoughts, so will attribute it to Barnard1897 unless you PM me otherwise :)

Yes, my own thoughts! Will PM you.

Good Morning Everyone, My niece is very happy about being invited back to her 3 parties today. She still is incredibly nervous though...and incredibly hopeful! She would be thrilled with all of the houses she's going to today, and is not certain which one is her favorite because she would be happy to be in any of them.
Thanks so much to everyone...and yes she said it started rainy :)!

A U of I thread, I can't believe I just stalked this now!!!!! I have been on pins and needles the last few weeks as my sister is going through recruitment as we speak! I wish the best of luck to all the young women, and can't wait to hear where everyone ends up tomorrow!

Good luck to everyone! It's going to be a great day.

Miracle of miracles! My daughter was asked back to the 3 houses she listed first! She was so much happier today than yesterday. I honestly am happily surprised, since she was such a Debbie Downer yesterday, I was afraid no one was going to invite her back!

So glad you got a happy call today! Hopefully it will be an even happier phone call tomorrow!!