Sadly, no. A LOLCAT from my bosses might have made the news almost worth it. On another work related note:

The bosses absolutely love it when Project Managers spend 1/2 their day at the strip club, and the other half at the tavern. Bonus points for not making it to your worksite until after you've already spent an hour at Bojangles for a 9 am breakfast.

It's totally ok to leave the bathroom without washing your hands.

If you're walking down a sketchy street late at night by yourself, listening to an ipod and digging in your purse/bag for something, don't worry. You won't get mugged/raped/attacked in any way. Everyone will just see you and figure that you must be a badass, since you're by yourself at night on that street. Kind of like another Chuck Norris. And so they will leave you alone.

Guys, the GREATEST pick up line in the world is telling a woman "You have baby making hips." It taps into her inner maternal self and she'll believe you're thinking long term and family based. Works...

Trying to fix a broken cell phone? Drop it in the toilet.

If your dog has idiopathic epilepsy, and she/he is going through a seizure, always talk to her/him, and make sure you're petting her/him. Oh, and make sure you turn on all the lights, tv, and/or the radio, too. I recommend doing this because the seizure won't last as long if you do, probably a few seconds at the most.

Newbies... post the same question over and over again in multiple forums. That way, EVERYONE will see your thread. None of us can see it if you only post it once! And we're all falling over ourselves to answer your question... seriously.

If you see masked/hooded people with guns standing inside a store and everyone is on the ground, run inside! That guy behind the counter, looking terrified? He's handing out free money!

Blue eyeshadow all over your eyes and up to your eyebrows looks great especially when added with a blue tinted red lipstick.

Hahahahahaha! I had a friend who did that before we went out! She looked at me and said "How do I look?" and I said "Uuuuuhhhh...."

She took off her make-up and tried again. :cool:

Don't forget a TON of blush, you want that happy flushed look! Don't forget to buy your foundation a few shades too dark for a nice tanned look, don't even think about putting it on your neck because foundation should only touch your face.


You have a test tomorrow?
Stay up all night drinking or show up drunk for the test. Remember to ask the professor when you can take the test because you're obviously not prepared and s/he should have kept YOUR schedule in mind.

People *love* it when children are brought to class so give yours a lot of sugar, an energy drink, and some coffee then turn them loose in the classroom. Everyone will find their antics adorable.

For aspirants: Tell all of the sorority/fraternity members at your next RUSH or recruitment event "I post on GreekChat.com all of the time so I'm pretty much in a sorority/fraternity already"

I did that once...sorta. Went to a social planning to stay only til 11 so I could study. Had one drink...that damn jungle juice! Don't ever trust something mixed in a garbage can! When I realized it was 2 and I was DRUNK and needed to study, my sister (bio) took me to get something to eat so I could sober up to study. After a night (er..morning)of studying, I showed up for the test at 8am still tipsy and took the entire period to take the test (which was odd for me since I usually finished first.) I ended up walking out with my professor. He started chatting with me and asked me how I thought I did. I guess since I was still a little drunk, I can blame the alcohol for saying, "Well, I guess okay since I'm still drunk!":eek:

I guess he was shocked when I set the curve! Must have had some dumb people in my class...Quant analysis.

Ouch! Either they also stayed out or you're still smarter then they are when drunk. I've never walked into a test drunk, although a substitute was fired (I'm assuming, he wasn't seen again) after showing up drunk and trying to sleep at the desk.

____

If you hear sirens/see flashing emergency lights, try to beat them through the light, it's not like they're actually in a hurry.

I did it twice. The other time was my intro psychology final first year of college. That professor ended up being a member of my med school class. I told him when we were in med school that I was hung over for his final (I didn't want to tell him the whole truth) and that offended him. Seriously, his class was a JOKE. He ended up screwing our whole class during second year...such a douche. I grew up a LOT after the Quant example. Of course, I went to school in Louisiana where the drinking age was 18, so I got an early start.

Not just mothers... my insides turned!
:eek:

Also, it is important to disregard your roommates polite requests not to eat their food. You are simply teaching them to share.

This is especially important for job interviews. Bright eyeshadow, lots of blush and a dark foundation will help the recruiter/interviewer remember you!

I've taken a few quizzes drunk (last chance quizzes for an online class) and I've done better on those than when I actually prepare and study for the quiz (sober).

My advice:

If you're looking for a roommate, try the internet. Craig's List is a great place to start. Take it from me, you'll get a great roommate who is responsible and not at all crazy.

Eating meat raw is great for you. It has less germs. I mean think about it, heat multiplies germs right?

WE ARE!
 

LOL.....

Want to lighten your hair for the summer? Try Sun-In! It's subtle, classy and you'll look TOTALLY NATURAL!

Apply for college a week before term starts. That's how they know you REALLY want it.

Soak your old shoes in vinegar and baking powder.

Trust me.

Add bleach for white shoes.

When meeting her parents for the first time, feel her mom up...if you really want to leave an impression, feel her dad up too.

you do not need recommendations at auburn, alabama, georgia or texas.