...if you have asked said nurse if he or she minds doing the dirty work and they have said they do not and offer to assist. ;)

I called the hospital and specifically my friend who is the Marketing Director at the hospital and she said that we can in fact request the nurses not let anyone that isn't hospital staff enter the delivery and recovery room until we give them the o.k. I'll turn to that if no other option presents itself. Well, the other option is not calling her until after baby is born. Lol! ;)

Live-in's mom has made comments to the effect of being there for all of that type of stuff. She once said "I can't wait to take you wedding dress shopping, you know, since your mom won't be there."

While I appreciate that she loves me and wants me and Live-in to be married and happy together (and I really do appreciate it - she is not short on love or annoying habits), pairing it with a "since your mom won't be there" was like punching me in the gut. That was a few years ago now, and I'm hoping that she's picked up on the fact that mentioning my mom or things we can do together since my mom isn't around is something that makes me shut down completely.

I worry though, that she'll say something like "since your mom won't be there" in regard to labor/babies. I might have to pull out with "the only non-doctor/nurse in the room I want seeing my vulva is Live-in, since he had to see it to get me into this mess anyway."

I know, right. Sentimentalist that I am, I watch "A Baby Story" episodes on TLC? It's amazing how many times you see whole families, relatives all up in the delivery room. More than once I've seen somebody's brother-in-law with a camera phone over the doctor's shoulder and dude is rolling tape like he's Speilberg or Spike Lee or something.

As conceptually beautiful as it is, childbirth is stressful enough. When my daughters were born, the nurse was like "grab her leg and gently push back."

I was like "no, no, no. Believe me, I'm just fine way up here by her ear and collarbone." :)

I only had my now ex husband in the delivery room with the birth of both kids. We called when the babies were born. The family came to the hospital the next morning to see the baby. With kidlet #1 about 6 am the day after I came home I heard rustling around the house. My FIL had shown up to play with the baby. WTF???? We were all still sleeping. With kidlet #2, we knew he was going to be born real sick and need surgery as soon as he was born. I made it clear to everyone that they were not to come visit until the next day. I was having a C-section and then baby was off to surgery-- that was more than enough stress for anyone. As they were rolling me into my room from recovery, my FIL am came strolling into my room. Social services had sent someone to greet us when we arrived in the room to help us through the stress and she saw me become visibly upset as FIL came in before I was even settled. Told now ex to get his father out of the room. The clueless man ended up staying 5 hours until baby came out of surgery and then felt it was his place to begin questioning the surgeon. GRRRRRR. Luckily, he is no longer my FIL.

DaffyKD

To those of you who had parents and in laws show up: My mother (who is getting a bad rap here, but she was a truly wonderful mother and a fabulous grandmother) and father did come to the hospital after two of our children were born. My mother did not come for the third child because she had a cold. But did she cook dinner? I had c sections each time...and no she didn't. I cooked, somehow. And she thought that it wasn't good enough.

On the other hand when my husband called my in laws (his dear parents) after I had my first (I had been in labor for 18 hours and then had an emergency section) they hung up on him. It was late they said. They showed up two weeks later to see our first...and my mil criticized my housekeeping.

And after I hired full time live in help: I was "spoiled" because I had a housekeeper (as did her other dil...but she was "special")...and the women weren't in uniform. I was a "bad" employer. (But my house was clean.)

They didn't bring dinner either.

We didn't call them again after the birth of our next two.

I realize you're in a situation with a potential MIL, but I am so thankful my step-father has never acted that way since my father died. When I was getting married my grandfather was going to take me down the aisle, and since that didn't happen he is deceased as well. If I ever decided to get married I'd just walk myself down the aisle since I don't see that I am someone or thing to be given to a man, or I'd do it up Norwegian style and make it a big ol' Soul Train Line to the church, down the aisle, back up the aisle, out of the church, and then to the reception. I'm serious about a Soul Train Line though, even if I do it with Norwegian fiddlers or have something soul foul and funky playing, there will be a Soul Train Line at some point.

I'm still squicked out on the whole idea of pregnancy, like this parasitic creature siphoning off me, the changes to my body, how disgusting the normal and natural act of childbirth is, that I don't want anyone who isn't being paid by my insurance plan going below or seeing anything below my waist. If I really don't want to see what's going on down there, no one who isn't a medical professional is going to be scoping it out either. My fellas were relieved when i said that, and there has been agreement that no one wants to spoil the magic so to speak. My own mother and I often clash, so I think if it wasn't my partner in the room, or there could be two people, it'd definitely be either/or my eldest sister (biological) or the youngest of my older sisters (step) since they've been through it and get me better than my mother does.

For now I'm just sticking to be the single mother of two very active 2 year old cats but I seriously plan to be a foster parent for LGBTQI kids once I get settled after my second Masters and have purchased a home.

There is no way in hell that I would want either of my husband's parents in the delivery room while giving birth. The only family I'd want there would be my husband and maybe my mother, and I'd want them up by the head of the bed, not standing around gawping while I popped out something the size of a watermelon. (Not that my mother hasn't seen childbirth - she is a doctor - but I wouldn't want her to watch ME giving birth.) And I wouldn't want anyone there who didn't have to be there. I wouldn't want every OB/GYN resident in the hospital standing there gawping either.

Not that it matters. Children are not in my future.

When my sister had my niece, it was just her and my mother in the room. She became single about halfway through her pregnancy, so a partner wasn't an option. It was always the plan for my mom to be there, but since her water broke on our way home from Christmas Eve dinner, we all got a little more involved with the whole experience. :eek: It was good birth control for a 15 year old.

Having seen how my mom acted with my sister (at one point telling her to suck it up and stop screaming), I know that when it's time for me to give birth, my mom is not the one. My mother's also of the school where husbands/fathers shouldn't be in the room, but I think that's an old school thing.

My mother said for me to call her when I go into labor and again when baby is born so she can go visit. She has never been in the delivery room for any of her grandkids and has no interest in being there. She's of the belief that it should be only mom, dad (or coach) and hospital staff.

My mil though is the kind to offer her unsolicited advice on EVERYTHING. She is not pleased with my decision to get an epidural. She firmly believes that any form of drugs are a bad decision on the part of the mother and that REAL women don't take the drugs and deal with the pain. :rolleyes:
Everytime I see her I get a lecture on the dangers of pain meds for childbirth and how epidurals slow down labor etc.

My mom was there for the birth of hypoallergenic and I'm thrilled that she was. She had never seen or experienced it herself because when she had my brother and I, they basically knocked her out and she woke up after the fact. I was barely cognizant of who was there and who wasn't, honestly. My (now) ex was useless. He couldn't remember how to coach me or anything. I didn't really plan for my mom to be there, it just happened that way. I didn't know they'd allow her to stay. For my second, my dad and his wife were at the hospital but I pretty much asked them to leave the room when labor was getting bad. My mom was home watching hypoallergenic that time. Hypoallergenic and my mom share a middle name because she was there for the birth :) If it was a mother in law though, no way.

I am totally in that group. I don't want anyone there but my husband as we start our new family. a) Because my mother gets panicky and would drive me crazy and b) I don't deal with pain or annoyance well and would probably hurt some feelings. If I turn into a fire-breathing dragon, I want as few casualties as possible. ;)

Same, but my mom is a NICU respiratory therapist. She spazzed when I told her I had meconium (sp) in my "water" with my first. She was completely convinced they were going to let my baby aspirate it in.

For both of mine, it was just me and hub. With my first daughter, first grandkid, my FiL was in a hurry to get into the delivery room. He wanted to be the first to hold the first grandchild. Hub went out to tell them everything went fine, they could come in after a while, then turned around to come back into the room. I had just delivered the placenta, I was completely out of it, puking, dizzy, legs still splayed and getting stitched. I heard one of the nurses, who was cleaning my daughter up, say "UM, can I HELP you??" I look over my shoulder, and there was my FiL. He was like "Oh!! I thought it was ok if we came in now!" The one nurse damn near killed him, she said "You need to leave, NOW! OUT! A nurse will tell you when you can come in."

I laugh about it now, but was pretty pissed at the time.

NOOOOOOOO... I had a really long bitching post and it just deleted itself :(

Guess I'll start again.

My future MIL is a very nice lady. Very nice.

She is, however, a bit overbearing. She cannot rest until she has made extremely detailed plans of everything and has multiple back up emergency plans for everything. Hey, it's good to be prepared...but this is extreme.

I remember in college there were a few times where fiance had something he had to take care of/prepare for. She will often do research (UNSOLICITED RESEARCH) on whatever he needs to take care of/prepare for and call him to tell him all the steps he needs to take in order to get to point A to point B. Again, he never asked for her help, she just does it.

Last Thanksgiving, we started the day at my aunts house and finished at his aunts house. She printed us out directions with her own detailed notes that included his aunt & uncles first names (in case he forgot?????) and their phone numbers, in case we got lost.

When we took a trip together in the spring, she checked out 3 books from the library about the city to take with us and gave me a folder of stuff she printed out; our itineraries & hotel confirmation info.

She is also terrified of bad whether. One time during winter break in college it started snowing when I was at his house. She heard we were supposed to get a half a foot of snow, so she made me go home early. I live 4 miles away and it snowed 2 inches.

When I was visiting him back in September, there was a tropical storm heading our way (he lives in Louisiana for now). She called several times to make sure everything was ok. Obviously whether was bad in some parts but we were perfectly safe; no flooding in our area and it really was just rain...it didn't even thunderstorm! I remember the first time he answered the phone and she didn't even say hi, all I heard was "there's a tropical storm warning and flash flood warning!!!" As if we weren't paying attention to the weather and didn't know what to do if things got ugly.

So anyways...fiance will be in town tomorrow (woo hoo!) for a friend's wedding. I offered to pick him up about 2 weeks ago, but we didn't confirm it. I got an IM from FMIL about a half hour ago saying that she hasnt been able to get a hold of fiance (which is no surprise, he is NOT good at remembering to look at his cell phone), and to please call her cause she had questions about this weekend. I kid you not, our phone call included all of the following:

What time is is flight? What airline? Are you going to pick him up? You mentioned you were going to, but I just wanted to confirm. We can pick him up, it's no problem, but I just wanted to be sure. Are you bringing him here or will you be both getting ready at your house? What time is the wedding and reception? Did you book a hotel? He mentioned you guys were planning on it but I didn't know if you had done that yet. What time is his flight back? I know there's a really late flight, is that the one? I just wanted to confirm because he's not answering his phone. Don't worry, I also sent him an email this morning reminding him to check into his flight and to make sure he packs everything he needs like his suit, a tie, shoes, etc. Oh and I reminded him that he needs to make arrangements for how to get to the airport.

YOUR SON IS 23 YEARS OLD. He is a big boy now. He can figure out how to prepare for a trip. I get the whole what time is he coming in thing. I totally understand what time they should expect him to be there. That's normal and fair. But do you really need to know all of the details of the wedding RIGHT NOW. Do you really need to know if we are staying at a hotel RIGHT NOW. Don't you think these things will be mentioned to you when he sees you in the morning. Do you really need to know his departing flight RIGHT NOW. TAKE A BREATH, LADY.

I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting, but I am feeling slightly suffocated by this. Fiance has learned to tune it out after all these years, lol For him, it's gotten to be just a "smile and nod" kind of thing and it doesn't seem to bother him. But it's making me anxious. I'm frankly a little insulted at some of her questions about our plans for the weekend. They're OUR plans. You don't think I realized I needed to book a hotel room in advance?

I just I can't imagine my mom sending me an email reminding me of what I need to pack and telling me I have to arrange airport transportation. Again, I'd be insulted if my mom didn't think I could handle that, lol

I suppose this could be a million times worse, but I really will need to work on my patience...

You might have to find a polite way to nip this in the bud now. I can't imagine what that will begin to look like when you have children. He should probably have a conversation with her that starts something like this:

Son: Mom, I know that you worry about whether we've got all the details handled but you need to trust that you've raised me well enough to manage these things on my own.

And then, if she still calls you with things like that, you need to just repeat: "We have everything under control" and just give her the basics, like what time he is expected.

That said, when my kids are packing for something, like Boy Scouts or my daughter's trip to NYC, I start running down the "did you pack?" list. They both chide me for it because they've both packed a million times. In fact, when hypoallergenic was packing for her NYC trip, she said "I packed for Europe, remember?" LOL. I laugh and tell them "I know, but it's a mom thing and I can't help it, you have your inhaler, right?" That's as far as I go though, and I hope I don't still do that when they're adults. (Ok, maybe I will when she's packing for college in another state).

So the fact that my friend did somewhat the same thing....the did you take?...and was not so politely informed that they knew what they were doing?.....Until the first time this very grown up couple went away (sans mom's checklist) and she forgot the vouchers for sightseeing (not reprintable) and he forgot underwear.....Think of her as a personal assistant. People pay big bucks for one.

One of my girls is now dealing with a future MIL who keeps questioning every detail of the wedding as if she were some hotshot planner or rich socialite...hello? Her oldest daughter got married in some tacky hurry-up ceremony in the living room. I told my daughter to stand strong--she's getting married in a gorgeous old church and it'll be beautiful with her jewel-colors theme that matches the stained glass windows.

That sounds gorgeous!

My mother is similar to your FMIL. In fact, I almost thought you might be my current SIL until I read further into your post. ;)

Yes, you and your fiance need to set boundaries ASAP. However, I do wonder if there might be another issue at hand. My mother is not nearly as bad about this kind of stuff with me as she is with my brother. The difference is mainly that I go ahead and tell her details about stuff up front, and then when/if she asks about it later, I remind her of our prior conversation and she shuts up. He does that whole not telling her/avoiding her calls thing and it just ratchets things up with her.

I'm sure all that stuff as annoying as it is she does comes from love. If you haven't tried my method of upfront communication, I highly recommend it. It's like a vaccination for confrontation, bad feelings, etc. Of course, YMMV.

OMG - my brother left the shirt for his suit at home for his destination wedding because he "had it under control." He figured it out approx 1 hour before the ceremony, when we were approx 30 minutes away from any kind of store. That's just one of many times such things have happened. Sometimes moms just know what kind of details their kids have a hard time remembering.

ETA: Just read your post about your SIL a couple of pages back. Sorry that you have to deal with that insanity, but I love your method of dealing with her! :)

I have had this convo with MommyCG several times over the course of several years. Nothin' doin'. I have a lateness problem so even on days when I was not running late, my mom repeatedly call out to me what time it was. If it got close to the time I was supposed to leave, she would follow me around the house, packing up my stuff and exasperatedly pointing at the clock. For the record, this was not helpful. This continued until I moved out.

Now, she calls on me test and meeting days around the time she thinks I need to get up just to say, "I'm making sure you're out of the bed. Have a good day and don't go back to sleep."

Hell, I think your mother in laws should be featured on Monster In Laws on A&E. I am like holy shit :eek:

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I re-read my post and feel a little silly. Yes, it's annoying, but it's certainly not the worse thing that could be happening. As amIblue mentioned, it is just how she shows she cares.

I did bring it up to my guy. I asked if he thought it would be like this when we gets married and he said no. Why he thinks that, I'm not sure. He offered to talk to her about it, but I told him let's wait on it for now; we'll see how it continues to go.

Dear SIL -
He is my baby brother. He will always be my baby brother. You do not get to decide what I call him. Yes, he now goes by a nickname, but I am grandfathered in and will continue to call him by his Christian name. I will also refer to him as my baby brother even if he is 41 years old. If you don't like it you can lump it. Sincerely, ME

So...my (probable) future dil called last night. She wants to go shopping with me...and the girls, if possible. (!) We are going Sunday. Why? To quote her, "I like your taste. You find nice clothes and you see possibilities in stuff."

She is also joining us for the Day After Thanksgiving...which in our house is national holiday (along with January 1st).

Sigh...........(with joy). She wants to bond.

That's really sweet.

Wonderful, yay, yay, yay!!! What fun! She's a smart girl. Hope you find some smashing deals and have a great time in your shopping forays! I was so very lucky to have a wonderful, wonderful mother-in-law (and grandmama to my girls), whom I absolutely adored. I would have done just about anything for her. I miss her. I wish you a strong and loving relationship with your possible dil, if it comes to be.

Ugh. I had the Thanksgiving From Hell with the in-laws.

A bit of background: To be fair to MIL, she is going through a very rough patch. GMIL (MIL's M) is 95 years old, and despite being healthy all her life (until recently, she was hospitalized only twice, and it was for the birth of her two children), age has caught up with her. She's been in and out of hospital for congestive heart failure, and she recently had an episode that I believe is the beginning of the end. It is possible that we will not see her again before she passes on. :( MIL's brother is useless - he fled to California long ago, leaving all "taking care of Mom" responsibilities" to his sister. GMIL is also my husband's last surviving grandparent. All my grandparents passed on long ago.

The ILs were scheduled to come to us on Saturday 11/26. Knowing everything that was going on, we had offered to host. Well, my husband and I had a huge row that morning, and we called them asking to postpone to Sunday so we could sort things out between us. MIL ***INFORMED*** us that they were coming on Saturday whether we wanted them there that day or not. (There was no reason they couldn't have come on Sunday instead.)

So they turned up and proceeded to spend the next EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS whingeing about everything going on.

I know they needed to vent about GMIL's medical situation, and that's fine, and I listened patiently and advised as I could. (I'm not in the medical profession, but when you're the daughter of two doctors, you pick up a few things.)

But it went downhill from there. When we got to the point where MIL was whining because her bridge scores weren't as good as they could be, I wanted to toss her off the balcony. Your mother has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel and you're worried about your bridge game???

They arrived at 3 and stayed until 11:30. FIL downed most of a handle of Tanqueray. MIL had several drinks of Bailey's (it doesn't take much to get her drunk). And there was wine. So, on top of everything, they were sloshed. I should have cut them off, but that's easier said than done.

AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH.

They need to go to Florida. And stay there.

"I am so sorry that you are going through such turmoil. What do you think that you can do to make your life easier?" "I know that you are in such pain. What one thing can you do for yourself everyday that will make you happy?"

"Will you help me with......? I love the way you....."

Trust me. I works. Well...most of the time. The worst thing is that you become a hero. At least your husband will think you're a hero.

I have suffered through many a bad holiday with the in laws. The good news is we stopped having holidays very early on. Now that my mil lives with the bil and his wife the mil wants us "together" again. I said that we would be DELIGHTED to come...as a party of 15. They don't want that many Jews in their home. Oh well.....

(I use the above quotes when they come to my home."

You guys. Live-in's mom is getting married today. It was supposed to be a courthouse wedding.

Last Monday (before Thanksgiving), she tells me (just me! Not live-in!) that the plan has changed, she wants me to help her pick out a wedding dress, and live-in will be walking her down the aisle at 7pm.

WTF?

It's so much worse than that but I've already spent so much time angry and stressing about it that I can't even bring myself to tell the whole story.

She's in her awesome to batshit insane cycle. Over the summer she was awesome, now she's batshit. Hopefully she goes back to awesome after we "give" her a "break" after Christmas.

My DH is one of 6 boys. The oldest is married, has 2 kids, and runs his own business. DH and his oldest brother are the only 2 who are married. Another one is engaged, but they won't be married for a while. The other 4 brothers, including the one who's engaged and his fiancé, are hopelessly unmotivated. One just started a job, another just got a job...but here's hoping they stick with the jobs for a while. The other two and fiancé just make excuses as to why they can't apply or get jobs. Mind you these last 2 brothers, are both OLDER than my DH. Apparently going to school just isn't an option either.

When we went to my in-laws for thanksgiving dinner, we walked in and DH's brothers were watching Jeff Dunham on TV. He's hilarious, and we were all laughing the entire time! Howver, MIL thinks it's just disgusting, the jokes, and whines and complains the entire time bout it.

One thing that I LOVE about DH, is that he keeps his family's drama separate from me. I mean we talk about it, but he won't let his brothers or his parents try and ask me for anything. I really appreciate it, cause otherwise if they heard what I have to say...I'm not sure they'd like me all that much anymore!

So, the weddings are over. Thank goodness.

Now she's mad at me over Christmas Eve. I didn't realize going to the church of my choosing was going to cause so much drama. It's funny though, she's not going to church.

I hate my SIL so much. I hate how my brother has completely changed who he is and his personality because of her.

I hate how incredibly NEGATIVE my SIL is! She sucks positive energy from you until you are complete exhausted.

First she decided to talk shit about her own sister at lunch yesterday. Then she had the gull to state that her sister isn't even talking to her anymore and she "doesn't understand why" and that the only reason that she saw her nephew was because Melissa wanted to her to meet him. Mind you my SIL is the ONE who cut off communication with her sister because Melissa got pregnant and my SIL has been trying to get pregnant for the last 3 years (more later about that). My SIL is so jealous of her sister that she CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT and that is why she doesn't talk to her. Then, the underlying comment about seeing her nephew was more that "my sister did this too me in spite of me".

She then went off in the car about my youngest brother and again had the gull to make complaints about behavior that he has that she DOES THE EXACT SAME THING!!!!! Pot calling the kettle black much!

I have never felt so defeated in my life with the amount of negativity that comes from her mouth!

As for the whole baby issue I just want to say the following to her....

"if you really want to get pregnant why don't you f*&king listen to what the doctor told you to do. The doctor told you to cut alcohol out of your lives, you didn't do this. The doctor told you to lose weight, you didn't do this. The doctor told you to exercise. You chose not to do this either. The doctor finally told you to eat better, you somewhat did this but with the amount of alcohol you and my brother consume any good eating you do is going to be counteracted by the alcohol. So until you do the things that the f&*king doctor told you to do, stop BITCHING about you're not being pregnant. Stop COMPLAINING every month on facebook that you aren't knocked up yet."

ASUADPi - yeow! If your SIL is so determined to get pregnant, she needs to follow her doctor's advice. And if she won't quit drinking alcohol now, would she do so if she got pregnant? Hello, fetal alcohol syndrome.

--------

Great news ... MY IN-LAWS HAVE MOVED TO FLORIDA! :D

They still have their house in New York, but they're hoping to sell it this coming spring. They also have the use of GMIL's condo in NY, and they're supposed to inherit the condo when GMIL passes on. So they're planning to be snowbirds for a few years and then stay in Florida full time.

If I could, I would add enough :D's to this post to put Tom Earp to shame.

My husband has DECIDED that we will be spending Passover with the in-laws in Florida this year.

GMIL supposedly has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. (According to her daughter, she has had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel for a couple of decades.) So she "can't" fly up for Passover. So we are REQUIRED to fly down to Florida.

Of course, that week is spring break for most primary and secondary schools, so EVERYONE wants to fly out to see Grandma and Grandpa, therefore airline tickets are 3x as expensive as normal.

And, of course, it is comPLETEly unacceptable to celebrate during a different weekend. :rolleyes: MIL and FIL will be in town for two weeks before Passover, but we can't celebrate Passover then because GMIL won't beeeeeeee there. :rolleyes:

AUGH. :mad::mad::mad: