http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

LOL

I thought those were the worst updates ever. Until the girl whose every (and I do mean EVERY) update is about what she needs to trade for or shoot at or whatever in Mafia Wars. At least the children are actual living beings.

I had to avoid making too-saucy comments on a (divorced) college friend's page, because his DAUGHTER is on his friends list. Honestly, I think this situation has far more embarassment potential for the parents.

Confession: Guilty. Well, somewhat guilty.

I don't think I have ever posted anything to do with my children's bodily fluids. And I do try to make sure that updates that do with my children comprise less than half of all updates, and when I do post something I aim to make it witty/funny.

The thing is- for 10 years I was uber career woman, and for the past 2 I have been home with now 2 tiny kiddos. Three years ago I would have posted exactly what you did. But now, whether fortunately (that I am able to stay home with my children) or unfortunately (it has meant a significant reduction in adult contact), my day is spent dealing with babies/toddlers and the issues that go with that. I *hope* that the lack of adult contact/professional career hasn't resulted in loss of so many brain cells that I forget that others don't necessarily want to know every single detail of my day. Trust me- I am very cognizant that they don't.

On the plus side- I have never, and I repeat never, posted the result to some lame-o "What does you foot size say about you" or a "If you were a rodent, what type of rodent would you be?" type quiz. Come to think of it, I don't think I have even taken any of those dumb quizzes.

Does that earn me a tiny bit of redemption for the occasional non-gross bambino status update?

When you stay home alone all day with a 3-month old, your life gets a little skewed...It's hard to keep things in the same perspective they were when you went out and interacted with the rest of the world every day.
Everything about my life right now revolves around my baby, so while that's the case, that's probably what the majority of my status updates will end up being. :o

OMG, thanks for sharing this...my mom and I were just crying reading some of those. She's been on FB for about 2 years and still is completely clueless.

I submitted one, and I'll let you all know if it gets posted..

I've got to say, I was on Facebook first! My daughter has friended me and now so have a couple of her friends. I censor more carefully what I post, especially gripes about the ex-husband since she is on there. I do still gripe about her :)

I have told her not to be surprised if, someday, I make my FB adults only!

I'd like to take this moment to complain about the friend that I have who likes to post super-cryptic messages as her status, but then gets mad when people want to know what they are about. It's like she has secrets that she can't stand keeping secret, so she has to at least let on that she has a secret, but then doesn't want anyone to do the typical follow-up that is done when someone makes a post like that.

I'm super close to hiding her posts. If we're all just supposed to ignore whatever cryptic thing it is that she posted, why do I care if I ever see them in the first place?

http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com


Lots of funny marital TMI.

Including my fave:

Married Girl: wonders why she can't ask her hubby to make a sundae without being hassled for sex. I just want to wallow in my fatness and go to bed. :(

Seriously?

Another fave:

Facebook Girl: says her sister got engaged today! Yay!

Random Friend Commenter: I hope she isn't planning on wearing white!

Wow that's catty.

Facebook friend from high school: officially has a creeper...gross

Facebook Commenter: Creeping is caring. True story

8 year college student is sayin My feLLow AfriCan AMeriCans we sooo have a lotta werk to due..if we r givin our kids Basketballs/footballs b4 a book n they kan excel @ "shooting hoops" than reading or Writing a SenTEnce n reading 4 levels Behind thur xpected Readin LeVeL we WiLL 4 eva be BeHiNd...

Oh, the irony!:rolleyes:

WTF?! S/He must be "the smart one" out of her/his "left behind" brethren. Don't preach to me using text message lingo!

Seriously. Some random girl from college who is my facebook friend recently had a child and every.single.update (and she updates a lot!) starts with "elimination communication"...and then goes on to talk about her kids diapers. She also has 2 photo albums dedicated to the subject. WAY too much information.

I haven't had anything on the 'net make me hollar and cry like today's post.

Oooohh - I haven't even taken pictures of that - much less posted it for all to see!
That's too much!

Seriously? Two whole albums of poo?????

this sounds like fodder for an Eddie Izzard bit, BTW...

LMAO

Thank you! :D

oh, my cousin....
__________ im laughin my ass off at how retarded people really are! Like me of all people need to trap someone...i had dyllin and have done it all ON MY OWN therefore if it turns out i gotta do it again then so be it....im prayin to god that i am less then 5 wks (this was posted on july 18)
-because i dated a guy in may and hes a piece of work!! And ive been with a white guy since june that wants the baby and that wants to be there and make it work!! So if im 5 wks or less then that means its danns and i will praise to the lord let me tell u!!!!!! Cuz i need a good man for me dyllin and the new baby!!!
-although i did have a period n june so i think i may be lucky!! But i tell ya i just dont know wat the heck ima do with another dead beat!!


__________ glad that is over now to wait for dna to prove that the dumbass IS the dang father of my gorgeous son!!!! Freakin idiots these days just kill me...and who wears orange to court hahahahahah (this was posted 3 hours ago)
-isnt it funny tho...lol the only black man in the court room and he is wearing bright orange like the prisoners hahahahahha

(a little background - she has an 8 month old -paternity test- and is due again on March 17)

WOW.

daughter LiViN iN tHE PRESENT NOT tHE fUTURE AND dAMN SHO NOT d PAST..NOT WONdERiN WAT COULDVE bEEN OR WAT SHOULDVE bEEN bUT KNOWiN WAT hAS 2 b AND dATS fOR MEh 2 MOVE ON WiTH MY LYfE..4RM NOW ON iM NOT LiViN 2 PLz ANYbDY BUT MEh..iM LiViN fOR **full name**...NO ANDS' iFS' OR bUTS' ABT iT..NO PAiN..NO STRESS...NO REGRETS..WORDS Of WiSDOM fROM URS TRUELY *name again* *MSz.SiiNGLE CHiCK

Her Mother Wants 2kno if all men r full of shyte or just tha 1s who dont kno wat 2do when they happen 2 run across a GUD WOMAM(such as myself)because they're so use 2 fuckn with HOES....

This actually made my head hurt translating that. Also I want to slap the mother for typing like that.

Sweet Jesus....

I've started hiding people that type like that from my news feed.
So pretty much 90% of my contacts from when I went to high school near Detroit...
So basically.. 95% of my black contacts.

How do you hide 1 person from your news feeds? I have only 1 friend/contact that writes like that and it drives me crazy. I actually said something to her about it. I let her know it makes her sound unintelligent...and she's a college graduate. I said after 19 years of friendship I felt I could say something to her...her response is all her other friends do it. There was no winning, so I dropped it.

lol wow.

Well, when you mouse over their post on the news feed, a HIDE button should show up on the right. You can click that and your life will improve :)

This function has greatly improved my life. I never have to see a "what 80's movie/cheese/rock singer/breed of dog are you?" quiz result AGAIN.

I don't just hide most things like that, I block them as well. That way, I can't be bothered with 16 vampire requests each day.

I've just started using the hide button, and I must say facebook has become more enjoyable for me. God bless that function.


This lovely status comes from this girl I went to high school with. She was the same year as me, but she's going to be 21 this fall (and I'm only 19 - guessing she got held back). It doesn't matter though, because she dropped out and never even recieved a G.E.D .. now she's pregnant with some wanna be gangster's child. I know all about her life because she updates her status every day at least 5 times a day. Her and her "boyfriend"/"hubby" are "in love" one day, then she hates him the next, then they're in love again, then he's a "man whore who has lotsa groupiez" and she's in the pregnancy "all by herself". It's ridiculous.

Jane Doe baby appointment today with my wifeeey! :) hopefully getting an ultrasound to find out what my lil peanut is!! cant text me people, SOMEONE canceled my phone last night! i'll be with Jaimie though, so feel free to call her phone or text :) MWAAA* [ i dont want shit to do with you; you arent right in the head. ]

Here's a different girl who I used to work with. I believe she'll only be a junior in high school. Sometimes, her posts are so bad I don't even have the slightest clue what she's trying to say. *sigh*

Jane Doe*DOnt tAk3 ShiT FrOm No BoDi*
(this was her caption above her quiz, "Are you black"...I'm pretty sure you don't need a quiz to tell you your race, but that's just me.)

Jane Doe HOME FROM DA POOL FUNNY DAY MISSINI MI BOO OH SO MUCH SHOWER DEN CALLIN HIM

This comes from that little box under her profile picture (the one where you can just write whatever you want...usually the pivotal emo quote or something clever):
LIFE; I LOVE MINES IM ME LIKE NO OTHERS DEY ASK WHERE U BEEN WHO U BE WE I SAY MINES URS IF I DIDNT TELL U DEN U DONT MATTER TO MI N DONT NEED TO KNOW I LOVE MI OLD HEADS N ONLI FCK WIT DA REALEST!

ETA: Jane Doe bout to hit da shizzzy wash da chlorine off mi from da pool BMORE LIFE IZ DA BEST!!

I just love how the shower is now da shizzy.

My head hurts.

And I don't understand the purpose of the phrase 'FUCKS WITH' or 'fuqz wit' or fuks wif' of any variation thereof. For instance, when it was cool for all of my friends to make Facebook groups for themselves (wtf), some of their groups were along the lines of 'I FUKZ WIF JANE DOE ALL DAY ERRDAI.'

ughhhhh *defriend* *defriend* *defriend*

http://i31.tinypic.com/2ecd8ut.jpghttp://tinypic.com/r/2ecd8ut/3

More like:

http://deadon.files.wordpress.com/20...it_pancake.jpg

Girl from High School who can't type complete words Found sme1 better...i dnt need never again will u hurt me...peace ot pj.

Every status in caps lock SAID I'M A LITTLE UP UNDER THE WEATHER!!!...LOL

Another girl ends every status with "blah blah... i love you boyfriend <3 <3"

Also! What is with doubling ending letters and &? Example: going out with myy girlss && myy loverr!

One of my brothers (who's actually on suspension now...) and his gf are ALWAYS doing that. And I've told them both (as have many of our friends) NUMEROUS times that they need to drop that bs. If they spent more time doing their homework rather than doing (rather, wanting to do) each other, they'd be in a much better position.

But no. And on top of that, they're all over each other when they're together. Ew.