Why can't people just be straight up with someone else and tell them the truth?

Scandia you are a social anomaly.

-Rudey

I would only say do the mary jane and sock thing if you are making it really punky. My LSAT instructor wore multistripe knee-high socks with the Doc Martin mary janes. I would never wear that b/c it's just not my style but since that does seem to be yours that's one way to wear it and make it funky, not old maid or childish. But if you want to branch out, like everyone has told you....DSW is awesome! You can get fanastic name brands at reasonable prices. And for something a little bit more stylish, amazingly I recommend Express for some very nice suiting pieces. I got a wonderful suit from there yesterday and it cost hardly anything, in terms of what a suit can cost anyway! I would have never thought I could wear their stuff b/c it's usually cut very small and the pants aren't always flattering on anyone with curves. But I highly suggest giving them a look b/c it's actually very classy and a hot suit can impress a man! :D I know my bf was highly impressed! :)

I'm just going to say that this is based off things you've posted, so I may be way off, but it doesn't sound like you've had a lot of experience with relationships, and work relationships require finesse to handle even if they are good, or even more to handle if they go ugly, really ugly. When you date someone at work, even if it is the most perfect relationship ever you are going to have to deal with your coworkers making comments and everyone being all up in your business. I don't know if you're as open at work about yourself as you are online, but you may work with people who will use it against you. Why not just attempt a friendship with this guy as it seems you have common interests and if it becomes more than friends with common interests look at the situation then.

On to your work attire:
I find it odd that you work in a public library as a youth librarian and they made an issue of socks and Mary Janes. Most public libraries and library staff I've seen really rock whimsical stuff hardcore because of the kid factor. It isn't the way I'd dress, but it always felt like that was one of the only acceptable places to wear vests and sweaters with cats on them or earrings and socks with a shape or design. If you were a plain old reference librarian it wouldn't even be that odd, but a youth librarian it is the norm for a lot of places. One of my bosses is totally awesome, but wears socks with Teva rafting sandals and it makes me super sad :( Maybe you need to write Library Journal to the column on work place issues and they have people write in with their analysis. Just don't wear farm animal toe socks with Birkenstocks (I've seen this before :( )

I disagree. You should dress your age-- those kitten vests and funky socks look ridiculous unless you're a 7-year old child or a 70-year old grandma. Or you're a crazy eclectic punk rocker who can pull it off. I have yet to see a librarian I'd classify in the latter category.

Invest in some age-appropriate clothing and shoes. Look like the 20-something you are, and not a frumpy caricature of your profession.

That's probably because you've got a dirty mind. :p :D

I really appreciate all the advice you have given me about shoes. I love Ann Taylor Loft and shop there too much. I do not wear the "bunny shirts" and other similar things that early childhood teachers are notorious for. I do wear fashionable professional clothes- but that day was a really scorching summer day where what I wore may have been better for the mall.

Anyhow, regarding the original topic, I am afraid that someone else may have snagged the guy already. Another co-worker, that is. He waved to her this morning when she came into the staff meeting. They did not seem to flirt or look at each other or stand next to each other. However, they exited the workplace together today- they came down the same elevator and seemed to be headed towards the same parking lot. It may not be what it seems, but I have a very strong intuition. And I am upset to be honest. I will gladly still pursue a friendship, since we do share similar interests. And I will try my best to see it simply as an isolated event and not in the cosmic sense. I do not have much experience with relationships, but I am a healthy person with many friends who gets along with my co-workers.

Rudey- that's old news. Find something new.

Wow, you are being very presumptuous, I wonder if you're doing it subconsciously as an excuse to convince yourself out of your feelings for him. You have absolutely ZERO indication that anything is going on with them. Men and women can be friends. They can leave work together, they can hang out, etc. without there being romantic relationship involved. I hang out with guys that I work with all the time. It's part of being social and networking.

If you do not have much experience with relationships, you really shouldn't rely on your "intuition" because you don't have anything to base that intuition on.

You don't have to justify things all the time, like adding the qualifier that "I am a healthy person with many friends who gets along with my co-workers." Such a lack of self confidence can really undermine any points you are trying to make or personal relationships you are trying to build. Have self confidence and don't try to frame things like that. As the saying goes, you have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you.

KDDani- I am working very hard this year on loving myself, so that someday I can love another in a healthy way. I know that men and women can be just friends. I have had platonic male friends- including a pretty close one in college that came to visit me long distance and that I attended the wedding of. I will be seeing another male friend this weekend at a convention.

I'm just not good with the relationship stuff. I do not know how much I should let out, but it has nature and nurture components. And I don't have much confidence, hence at times I feel I do have to justify my feelings and preferences.

Regarding intuition, once I saw the boyfriend of one of my good friends talking to some girl in the bus at UF. Now I talked to billions of guys and girls on the bus every day. They did not seem to be flirting. They were not touching or hugging each other. Conversation was small talk. Yet my gut responded automatically- I got this feeling in my stomach that something was not right between him and my friend. That night, my friend called me to tell me she broke up with him. It has reacted in similar ways regarding breakups of other friends recently. They did not have to say that they were breaking up/divorcing for me to know- and sometimes the hints they dropped were not direct or related at all.

You are right in that this is a slightly different situation, since it involves making a couple rather than breaking one.

And regarding convincing myself out of feelings, at this point it is still feasible and rather easy if he were taken indeed. I tend to lose interest very quickly once I find out someone is taken. However, it will hurt more- since he was taken by someone else he may have met at the same time he met me.

Scandia

You never know til you try. Just still maybe ask him out for drinks or coffee or something. Even if you don't date, you could make a new friend! I don't want to question your initution but this guy and other girl might just be friends. Or he might have been going on a date with her and its nothing serious. And look at it this way, if this doesn't work out for you, it's get you some practice for next time! :)

Well, today the girl he was walking with yesterday worked my desk as the assistant. So I asked discretely:

They both work for the same supervisor and are the only two people under her. So she is doing peer training like I was doing today with the new kiddie librarian.

So y'all were right at least about this part. That does not impede that there may be something else, or that there may be a third person.

If you see me at my job, I appear as the most confident and bold person there. I save my insecurities for internet message boards.

NOT a good idea.

Stay away from co-workers. In the event it doesn't work, you will be subjected to:
a) uncomfortable daily reminders of it
b) if it was that horrible, forced to look for another job

I'd date outside the workplace.


PS: "Appearing" confident and bold on the outside does not make one confident. It just means you're good at hiding your feelings.

I don't know that I think it's possible to come off as confident and bold if you're quite insecure. I could be wrong, but it just doesn't seem likely to me.

Well, I am not quite as bold as the guy who hit on me feeding me those cheesy pick-up lines while at the same time not hiding the fact that he had no car/job/degree/license/career goals and that I would have to pick him up for our date. He did not even get my number- and I blocked his emails/IMs shortly afterwards.

I am not so sure if I like this co-worker that way yet. So this advice is likelier for future reference.

I had to cut my vacation early due ironically to a foot injury that is preventing me from walking comfortably. But if it is healed by this Saturday, I WILL be going to DSW to buy nice shoes. Dunno if to get them in black or brown or what color.