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Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
A friend of mine had a MIL like that. She was very sweet outwardly, but you could tell she didn't think this girl was good enough for her baby boy - and if she was a proper wife her darling son wouldn't have all these probs and yadda yadda. She's now an ex-MIL. She wasn't the main cause, but she sure as hell didn't help the situation.

Did they have kids?

Quote:

Originally posted by alphagam-alum
My advice would be not to call her, unless you want to work on the relationship. If you call just to tell her get control of herself that might easily be taken as a desire to rekindle the relationship.

As far as the meddling mother in law--- I can atest, from personal experience, it is hell on a relationship!!! My mom is the one who thinks my husband is not good enough for me. There is constant tension. And while my mother refrains from saying anything bad in front of our kids, she constantly questions everything my husband says.

In my position it is rough, there is my mom on one hand--the woman that single handedly raised me--and then there is my husband whom I chose to marry and have kids with. I get it from both sides. If you are going to be in a marriage with the stress of the mother in law-- you must have a wife that is strong enough to stand up to her mother. As a mother she should support her daughter in the decisions she makes, not add fuel to the fire. There have been many loud, heated battles with my mom regarding my husband.

It is not a good place to be in. You have to do what is best for yourself. A marriage full of arguments and stress from her mother is not a good way to start a marriage. You will have enough stress on your own, you don't need someone adding to that.

Good luck--- and once again, unless you want to her to misread your intentions with a phone call-- don't call!

-wendi

So what kind of stress does that put on you're relationship? And how do you handle it?

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
HELL NO! Don't do it- cause then she will believe SHE DOES have you wrapped around her finger tight.
and shell think you are crawling back to her.

i agree completely!

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
So what kind of stress does that put on you're relationship? And how do you handle it?

There have been some nasty family fights regarding the things one of them will say about the other to me.
i realize my husband isn't perfect, my mom isn't either--but neither am I (dont tell them though! ha)

It gets old being in the middle of their crap. How do we handle it?--- I have tried to cut both of them off when they start their crap about the other. That seems to be the easiest solution, but it doesn't always work. They are starting to figure it out. There have been several times I have broken into loud screaming fits telling them to knock off their crap. Usually after a screaming fit, telling them to take care of their problems with each other, leave me out of it, and get over it. That usually works for several weeks.

It sucks not to have a happy little married family. But I have to maintain a balance between them. I also know when to step in and be the buffer. It sucks--but someone has to stand up to both of them. If not, it is HELL to deal with either one of them.

Hope I have answered your questions-- I feel like I have ramblem on without actually saying anything.

-wendi

Quote:

Originally posted by alphagam-alum
There have been some nasty family fights regarding the things one of them will say about the other to me.
i realize my husband isn't perfect, my mom isn't either--but neither am I (dont tell them though! ha)

It gets old being in the middle of their crap. How do we handle it?--- I have tried to cut both of them off when they start their crap about the other. That seems to be the easiest solution, but it doesn't always work. They are starting to figure it out. There have been several times I have broken into loud screaming fits telling them to knock off their crap. Usually after a screaming fit, telling them to take care of their problems with each other, leave me out of it, and get over it. That usually works for several weeks.

It sucks not to have a happy little married family. But I have to maintain a balance between them. I also know when to step in and be the buffer. It sucks--but someone has to stand up to both of them. If not, it is HELL to deal with either one of them.

Hope I have answered your questions-- I feel like I have ramblem on without actually saying anything.

-wendi

/hijack
Wendi,
It really sounds like they are both acting like spoiled little kids who want to pit you against the other. Maybe you should get them both together and sit down and tell them how much this is really hurting you (you know, all their childish crap), how much stress it causes, and tell them both they need to knock it off. Maybe see a therapist and get ideas of what to do. That just sucks. My parents used to pull that crap when they got divorced until I told them both to knock it off because I was sick of the crap and being in the middle. I'd still get nasty comments here and there, but nowhere near what it was before I said something. Best of luck with that.
/end hijack

Cash~
Look man, I don't know you personally nor do I really know the breadth of the situation which you have been going through, but speaking from my experience it sounds like you both need some time apart to breathe before anyone speaks to anyone. From what you've said, it sounds like you love her but don't deal with her mom's crap, and nor should you have to...but if this is someone that you loved and wanted to marry, you knew about her mom being a P.I.T.A. before you popped the question right? Regardless of whether or not she likes/respects her mom, it's the old thing of "I know my mom/dad/brother/sister (or anyone close to me) is a pain in the ass, but I don't need someone else to tell me that." Trying to get someone to see the dysfunctionality of their own family members is not something that significant others should be getting involved with, IMO. It just creates resentment.

Though she may have said some stuff that you didn't like, AKA_Monet had a point I totally agreed with like the fact that at 25, it might be a bit young to think about getting married, especially to someone who is attached to their mom and being manipulated in such a way. I agree that as kids(whatever age) we need to respect our parents, but we also need to stand up for what we want as well and it sounds like she(your ex) may not have gotten to that point yet. She might get there, and she might not, but no amount of pushing is going to make her go any faster.

Whatever happens, you are going to do what you need to do for you and I wish you the best in that.

Quote:

Originally posted by AOII_LB93
From what you've said, it sounds like you love her but don't deal with her mom's crap, and nor should you have to...but if this is someone that you loved and wanted to marry, you knew about her mom being a P.I.T.A. before you popped the question right?

Actually, no...I didn't know she was like that. Like I said, she was nice to me in front of me for a LONG time. Her mom didnt start acting like this until she found out we were moving in together and that we were engaged.

I agree with AKA Monet.....and it didnt look good on your part with your cussing reply. I was like DANG......when I read your reply. I support AKA Monet, you are not ready and you do have anger issues....... Yes verbal abusiveness is worse than physical. Words always stick especially with women..... and really hurts the self esteem - I wonder have you tried being FRIENDS with the mother, trying to be positive and help your ex girl have more confidence in herself and in the relationship?? Oh come on, if it was so perfect at first, that was just the fantasy/illusion. I think its better to hash it out than to pretend everything is all roses and rose colored.......... but as i said earlier regarding to call or not to call the girl - DONT!!! NO NO NO NO!

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyP
I agree with AKA Monet.....and it didnt look good on your part with your cussing reply. I was like DANG......when I read your reply. I support AKA Monet, you are not ready and you do have anger issues....... Yes verbal abusiveness is worse than physical. Words always stick especially with women..... and really hurts the self esteem - I wonder have you tried being FRIENDS with the mother, trying to be positive and help your ex girl have more confidence in herself and in the relationship?? Oh come on, if it was so perfect at first, that was just the fantasy/illusion. I think its better to hash it out than to pretend everything is all roses and rose colored.......... but as i said earlier regarding to call or not to call the girl - DONT!!! NO NO NO NO!

Jesus, people, I don't have anger issues. If someone does you wrong, that doesnt give you a right to be upset with them?

Listen, 25 is not too young to be wanting/thinking/or getting married. It really depends on the people. I know people who are in their 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's who shouldn't be married. My dad's dad had girlfriends and viagra up the ass until about 6 years ago. And he's 72. His wife is like 43, I think. Thats younger than my dad. So, on one hand age might play a meiknute role but getting married/engaged really depends on the people. Ok?

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney

Listen, 25 is not too young to be wanting/thinking/or getting married. It really depends on the people. I know people who are in their 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's who shouldn't be married.

You are right. There is not an age that makes marriage right or wrong. There are plenty of "older" people who should not be married. And there are plenty of younger people who are great being married. It all depends on the person and their maturity.

-w

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
Calling me on it? WTF are you calling me on? :confused: :rolleyes: And I didn't say I couldn't handle your comments, I just said you're reading too deep in it all. Personally, the first thing that came to my mind was that you smoked too much pot before you responded to my post when you wrote your ghettofied text in the first response. I could barely even understand what you wrote. For a minute there I thought you were Tom Earp's 2nd screen name. I never said you couldn't respond, this is a public forum. Believe me, I can handle the critics here. I just said I didnt feel like wasting the time to respond to that 2nd long ass post of yours. I didnt even finish reading half of it.

Sweetheart, you my not want to read my posts, but you are thinking about what I said... And that is my whole motive. Get mad at me if you have to... I really could care less. But, in the end, you are the one who has to wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see... Right now, are you liking what your are seeing about yourself?

If you do like what you see, then why are you whining about your choice to end it with your fiancee? Because of her mother?

In my opinion, I think that is a piss-poor excuse. And even if you don't care what I think, that is fine with me, but, I guess, if you did not ever really want to get married to this girl, then hey, that is all on you and your life choices... Oh well... C'est la vie... But why cry to us on GC and hope to get support from EVERYONE that you were right to do what you did as you described it??? :confused:

(How much more convoluted can I get!!! DAYUM!!!)