Re: Re: Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

My mom was my age, 23. My dad was a few years older.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

Well, thats kind of young to be getting married. I don't think you could seriously be considering it until you hit the age of 25/26. I feel like you just havent had enough experience in life until you hit the mid/late 20s age range. Do you think they got married too young?

Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

I've had one boyfriend cheat on me. I definitely did not stay with him. I dumped him immediately. I just couldn't trust someone ever again after they've cheated on me. I'd always have that question in the back of my head on whether or not they're cheating with me if I chose to stay with him. Admittedly, I cheated on my HS sweetheart. I felt so bad that I broke up with him the next day. Just as I would never date a cheater, I wouldn't want someone to still date me after I've cheated.

I don't think cheating is genetic. I do think it's a learned behavior. You've watched your dad do it and you've heard about your grandfather doing this. Your dad's case happened when you were still young (yes, 15 is young) so it might be embedded in your brain that it's ok because your dad did it. The good thing is that you can change.
I think everyone has had some urge to cheat at a point in their relationship. While on a cruise last year, I met a really hot guy. I was dancing with him and he tried to kiss me. I just told myself "a 30 second kiss is not worth it to ruin a wonderful 2-year relationship". Instead, I turned away and explained to the guy I was taken. :) I think that if you think of things logically while in the heat of the moment (which is hard to do but is possible), you can save yourself the heartache of cheating. Give yourself a minute to think about the relationship you're about to ruin and ask yourself if it's worth it.

Re: Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

I agree 100% with this post!

Re: Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

ZTAngel-

Thanks for your comments, it was well needed. However, I'd like to talk to you about my theory of why I think its genetic/instinctive. For thousands of years my ancestors lived in Northern Europe. Life span was very short, yet people of the Germanic tribes liked to maintain 1 wife at a time. The life span of a germanic tribe member was short compared ot todays life span. That said, men often had more than one wife. Either wives died from childbirth, disease, sickness or whatever. After going on for century after century after century, being with more than one woman becomes more less instinctive. After a species does something repeatedly for centuries, it becomes instinctive like. The problem came in when we, as humans, started living a lot longer. After we started living longer than 25/35 yrs......having more than one wife/lover became taboo. You can't change thousands of years of survival behaivor over night. Our society changes rapidly, thats what made it seem wrong for people to be with more than one woman. We as humans has been relatively the same for over 10,000 years. Do you kind of see where I'm coming from on thinking its more less instinctive rather than a learned behaivor?


Serious Discussion-

Actually, this is not entirely accurate. The life expectancy was shorter overall, that is true. But that figure is heavily skewed by infant and child mortality. You'd be hard pressed in those times to find a family who hadn't had at least one stillbirth, or death of a child. If you could survive to adulthood, your chances of living to old age were greatly increased. So by the time your ancestors were able to marry, chances are they would live as long as the typical person today would.

I haven't given much thought to whether cheating behavior is instinctive, but using your reasoning, it wouldn't be.

Cheating is learned not instinctive..........that's just stupid, no offense.

And as an added bonus, there is never a good excuse to cheat. If you dont liek someone or are tired of them, dump them. If someone cheated on you, be the bigger and more mature of the two and leave them. Dont cheat on them in return to "get them back." You make yourself look just as if not more foolish.

So you're saying that the short life expectantcy was due to the infant mortality rate? I have no problem with that. But what you're not undertstanding is that even if they made it past infancy they still wouldn't live that long past 25/30 thousands of year sago. If they made it out of infancy/early childhood, they usually died from some other unatural cause. If they made it to adulthood, they usually died from some sort of warfare. Give me an example and time period as to why you think they would live to be 70-80 yrs of age thousands of years ago. My early ancestors arent from Egypt or Rome, they were from northern Europe. They had a hard life. You ought to check out the writings by Tacitus. He was a Germanic but Roman. He wrote about viewing the peoples of Germania. Read up on some of his writings and maybe you'll see my reasoning and agree with it.


BTW- Lets try not to get off the topic I wanted to discuss.

Mary, you're missing what I'm trying to get at. I'm trying to break it down and find the cause of why someone wants to do it. What makes a person do it? Some people do it to get back at their BF/GF, I understand that. But my questions is, what is the primal urge for people to cheat even when they have no valid reason to do it? I think it goes back to us trying to survive as humans.


And what do you think actually makes something instinctive? Its something that a species has learned to do over a long period of time and then it becomes natural. They automatically do it inorder to survive. I know this may seem a little deep/crazy.....but its true. Its just over the centuries society has changed and we as humans have remained the same genetically/physically for much longer.

OK my turn
 

cash$,

i was seeing this guy for about three months. saw each other whenever we could, talked every day, texted each other often, he said he liked me, i truly liked him. things were going really well.
i thought ... then he just spent his entire birthday (9 a.m. to 3 a.m.) with his ex-girlfriend. yes, they are friends but come on, a whole day together. what is that about? i've given him the boot but was that a wise move?

suffering blues to the 4th power.
:(

actually, craig isn't completely pulling this out of thin air..there are studies that hypothesize that cheating is in fact a function of evolution/natural selection:

http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/yz/...oung081203.htm

Cash---Heh, thank ya :) It's funny, right when I'm about to buy a new computer for his car he wants to sell it..oye..lol :p But alas, he's looking to get another student loan to pay off this year and next. His car will be gone a little after Christmas after he puts another coat of paint on it and then we'll be back out "shopping". Whee... ;)

-Kayla

I would have to agree. I've been in a relationship where I was cheated on, and his parent's have been married for a VERY LONG time...so where did he learn it from? It's somewhat instictive...men want to "spread their seed" so to speak. I dunno. God bless my parents for their (almost) 25 years of marriage...I can only hope to find a guy like my daddy that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated...and not cheat. KARMA BABY!

This is actually some really good advice. There's something to be said about waiting to be engaged until at least your senior year in college. I probably did the most maturing in terms of what I wanted out of my life and my relationships between my junior and senior years. 2 years when you're in college really isn't the best indicator of whether or not someone is "the one"--especially when there is so much you haven't seen or done. Does anyone really regret waiting?

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AchtungBaby80's Dating Advice...
 

No. And let me explain why. My mom and dad married in 1977. They were both from the same small town. At the time, you got married when you grew up. That was it. You did not go out and party and have fun and see how many people you could get to know, because you pretty much knew everyone. You're thinking in the context of today's society and from the perspective of someone who hasn't spent most of their life in the country. The reason my parents divorced wasn't because they didn't know each other well enough, or they didn't date enough people beforehand. My dad is just one of those guys who's probably better off as a bachelor.