You know you are a ghetto Christian when......

you attend a church event and there is the club picture background on the back wall (you know the ones, airbrushed pictures and people go and have their pictures taken, jail pose and all....)

you are tipping out to the bar at the wedding reception next door

you actually get mad because the mimosas have non-alcoholic champagne in them

the music department director tries to slip a little funk in the dinner music

(sidebar: my church had an appreciation celebration for our pastor last night at a local ballroom and there was a wedding reception in the room next door to ours and there also was a charity ball in another ballroom as well)

Re: Today at church
 

One can only assume that some folk took up a private collection plate for this sista to buy a lifetime supply of Underalls (for those who remember this product).

Re: Re: Today at church
 

I don't think that she ever came back...I haven't seen her, so who knows...

This might be somewhat long, but i'm gonna have to do this whole ghetto prayer request,

I went to my Mothers church yesterday per her request and they have this period where you stand up, make your prayer requests known and afterwards the who church prays for these requests. Sounds simple but noooooooooooooooooooooo this lady had to get brand new.............


This lady starts to cry and what not, so everyone thinking it's deep..........

The Church: Jesus, bless huh lode, yes gawd........

This Woman: (sighs) Lord I thank you!

The Church: Thank you lord, thank ya!

This woman: I need prayer for my son

Minister: What's your sons name?

Woman: Ron Jr. He's a goot goot boy, got a goot goot job, respects his mama, his daddy. Goes to chuch(not church, chuch) ev'ry sundy.... but he's missin somethin in his life........(this time she is about to start sobbing) Ron Jr. needs a woman........he's so lonely.........Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhohohohohoooooooooooo, Boooooooooohooooooooodyhoooooohooooooooo!

The every person in the church had this WTF? expression on their faces because like me they thought it was something deep and important. This complete fool gets up and is pimping her son. And according to my mammy, the son has a girlfriend, but this woman doesn't like the girl..........now tell me how ghetto is that.....well least I got my entertainment yesterday........:rolleyes: :D :o

CTFU CTFU CTFU @ that saint of God. . . pimpin in the pews for her son to have a woman. Sounds like she needs to pray for God to fix her heart to like the girlfriend that the son does have.

pimpin in the pews.

You NEVER Fail to have me falling out in tears over line just like this.......

So I guess next Sunday I can pimp Lil Tez for a pre arranged life mate from the 5 pew on left side of Pimps R Us Missionary Baptist Church of God in Christ.....

We had to put a short barrier in front of the first row at our church because the pastor was getting too familiar with what everyone on the mother's board had on underneath their uniforms. Mind you some of the mothers egged him on by crossing and uncrossing their legs every time he said a scripture, or suddenly catching a hot flash in the middle of service.

TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE SHOUTING TOO MUCH AT CHURCH

>

> 10. When the spirit hits you, you pass out on the floor and nobody

> helps you get up.

9. They change the church service times and tell

> everybody but you.

8. Your pastor goes around town looking for a new

> church for you.

7. You shout during the Announcements.

> 6. The ushers warn people who sit next to you.

> 5. There's a pool on what color underwear you have on this Sunday.

> 4. When you come into the church, the ushers issue you protective pads

> and a helmet so you won't hurt yourself again this Sunday.

> 3. You come to church with pom poms.

> 2. Forgetting where you are, you start shouting at your son's

> graduation.

> 1. There's an announcement that states, "If Sister Thornton knocks off

> Sister Odell's hat this Sunday, it's on!!"

CTFUCTFUCTFU(charging at 3hunnit......CLEAR!)

Oh my. :eek:

OL SKOOL CHRISTIAN SERVICE
 

1. They lady who reads the program butchers preety much any word with more than 5 letters in it.

2. People come to church with a CLUB stamp still on their hand.:D and eyes BLOOD SHOT RED from dranking the previous night.:eek:

3. THE SAME WOMAN catches the HOLY GHOST, at the SAME TIME, in SAME SEAT (row), during the SAME SONG, and is carried out by the SAME USHER (ususally a large woman with a mustache and byceps similiar to those of VING RHAMES).

4. There is a feminine male choir director. (I Hope this doesn't start anything. You know how "SIN SAH TIV":rolleyes: some people are.)

5. And of course while all this is going on, THE OL MAN is still at the house watching football.




"UM RICK JAMES _____!"

Oh BARF at the visual! :eek: At my last church, everyone on the mother board was over 70! :eek:

Re: Today at church
 

I know this is an old post but.....

If your pants are SO TIGHT that your celluite & dimples are showing, they do not belong in the house of the Lord nor at a club.... but on sombody else because they obviously DO NOT FIT. :o :eek:

You know you are a ghetto christian if....
 

....your church still uses these fans:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...lfjader170.jpg



....or those fans from the local black funeral home!!

lol ommmmggg my church use those every black history month.... and why the lady who say our church creed goofed up and forgot the words and just skipped to the end a couple sundays ago.