[b]First; we all have different ways of seeing things, AND different levels of patience. Secondly, I agree with you. I believe a person should just end it once they see "the change"; but leaving may not be their best option-especially if the cheater HAS demonstrated love for their mate. I know of many situations where a man/woman cheated and it had nothing to do with ANYONE'S feelings. Nor did it have anything to do with the condition of their relationship. It's a sign of the times. I don't advocate cheating; I realize it as an ugly fact of life. The point I've been trying to bring home is that it's not always the man's fault. Also, I wanted to note that leaving may not always be the best option. Some situations call for a customized fix.[b]

Original Ape,

I agree that, yes, we all have different perspectives on how we view things in addition to different levels of patience. I know a whole lot of sistahs that would not have become the 'poster child' of "standing by you man" as I did for three years. Not tooting my own horn, just expressing to you my dedication to my marriage. I think you may have missed my point. I believe sincerely that if you are moved to cheat, you should do both yourself and your partner a favor by separating. However, if the act has occurred, I feel that {especially if you're married} you should make all efforts to reconcile. My reconciliation wasn't possible because my mate didn't accept responsibility for his actions. He felt that I pushed him to cheat. He justified his cheating as a reaction to what I was doing wrong in the relationship. That is why I disagree with your claim that men can be driven to cheat. I don't accept that as an excuse. Additionally, I don't agree that cheating is a sign of the times. I think the divorce rate (50%) is a sign of the times. Men/women have been cheating for years. Marriages nowadays seem to no longer be able to withstand the trauma that cheating inflicts. Not to say that the divorce rate is attributed to cheating; but, I'm certain that it's probably one of the top reason. In closing, we, humans that we are, in this day age are in an "instant gratification" mode. Everything we do is centered around instant gratification from finances to our relationships. If we're not getting what we feel we deserve at home. We'll find it elsewhere. It's a sad state of affairs.

I can't debate ANYTHING you've said. I would ask (though) if you asked him HOW he may felt that you PUSHED him into cheating. Then ask other men have they ever felt that way. You may find that, however crazy it may seem to you, some men may be able to identify with the way your man felt. I am, in no way, suggesting that you are at fault; I am, however, suggesting that he PERCEIVED some behavior of yours to be so provoking as to make him seek other companionship. In any event, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it was a "sad state of affairs". People today DO give up too easily.

Yes, I must agree and I firmly believe in character assessments. It's only through taking a personal inventory on my strengths and weaknesses that I can grow. How nice it would be to take an inventory of all the brothers to see what are the 'flammable' character defects they find in sisters. Not the superficial stuff, but the stuff that we as women do to erode your manhood. I can say for myself that I am just really learning to deal with men with sensitivity and understanding.
PEACE

You gon be alright girl!