It didnt help that my dad was in the military and a captain, so he was one of the higher ranking officers where I lived. I was always in the "smart" class, and was usually the only person of color. After a while, you just stop trying, you know? I'm always accused of being "stuck up" b/c I dont talk to people first. I'm naturally very shy, and always have my guard up b/c of past experiences.

And let's not discuss food: I dont, nor will I EVER eat any kind of greens (other than lettuce), black eyed peas, hamhocks, pigs feet, ears, tail, whatever, chitlins, or oxtail. My family still questions me about that to this DAY, as if liking those things "makes" me more blacker.

Jill, I am on the lighter side of my family (both sides have Native American blood: Piscataway [paternal] and Cherokee [maternal]) so I got it on both sides. Can we PLEASE get over the color thing? (random aside: my ex is one of five kids. He's the darkest, and was told that he wasn't going to amount to anything. He went on to become the first black student body leader at his college. The lighter brother, who was supposed to do "good things" went on to make 8 babies.)*sigh*

According to my family, I thought I was white b/c I graduated high school on time with almost straight As, went to college (a white school at that), and then went BACK to college after I had my daughter. Out of 41 grandchildren, two of us graduated from 4 year colleges. And we are the black sheep. Go figure. :confused:

Girl, I hear ya. We have NA blood on both sides and our family has every color of the rainbow...

Folx need to get over the color thang. That is the truth!

(((Nikki1920))))

That must be so difficult.

I think I am lucky in that my family is West Indian. They never expected me to do anything but outstandingly in school because that was the whole point of us being in this country. They didnt come here so their children could be mediocre, they expected you to shine and Lord help you if you didn't (talked about forEVA, lol)!

Of my US-born cousins, no male has more than one child. Most of the women and men hold degrees, many of the women hold advanced degrees. Almost all have spent some time in college, if not graduated. Blue collar jobs are fine and accepted, but those in blue collar positions are expected to bust their ass to get their kids to the next level. That's just how it is.

Culturally it was also a good situation for me- none of them could reasonably expect me to be Jamaican- I'm too much a Yankee, born here with American expectations. Black American culture is not our culture so a whole set of stereotypes in food, music and clothing hold little to no meaning for my family. While we all have outside friends or interests the family really is at the core of who we are- I was never around other kids enough to care if they thought I sounded 'white', my cousins were like my sisters and brothers. There wasn't a need for more approval than theirs for me.

We're black not because of how we dress or speak, but because that is the identity that we acknowledge. None of us went to college only to never speak to another black person. None of us working in white collar positions are allowed for 10 seconds in the day to forget that we are BLACK and seen as INFERIOR by the majority in this society. We just haven't internalized those expectations for ourselves.

See, I thought it was just me. When I transitioned from a private elementary school to a public middle school, I was teased so much. People called me white girl because I spoke proper English and lived in the suburbs.

Even my close group of girlfriends teased me about the smallest things. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a fountain of random information. When I would mention something or answer a question in front of my friends, they would always say something like "of course Classy would know something stupid like that." To this day, I find myself not responding to questions when I know the answer because I think I will be judged for being knowledgable. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but that ridicule early on has certainly stayed with me.

I trying to get better, but it will be a long and slow process before I feel totally comfortable in these situations.

That is me too!! When I got to high school here in MD, I was quickly labeled "The know it all". Mind you, this was the ACADEMIC magnet for the county. :rolleyes: After a while, I just didnt even care. Teachers pulled me aside and told me to stop answering questions b/c they already knew that I had the answers. After a while I just stopped talking PERIOD. :( It's amazing how this stuff STAYS with you for so long.

Sniff, this is why I love GC.. lol.

Wow, I had pushed all of this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back of my head. Thank you for starting this thread so that we all could vent.

Thanks everyone for the hugs!!!
((((everyone reading, commenting on this thread))))

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lovelyivy84
[B](((Nikki1920))))


I think I am lucky in that my family is West Indian. They never expected me to do anything but outstandingly in school because that was the whole point of us being in this country. They didnt come here so their children could be mediocre, they expected you to shine and Lord help you if you didn't (talked about forEVA, lol)!



AMEN!!!!! At a moment's notice, if any of my family heard that me or my siblings were not doing well, we got the lecture! Well.....my sisters not me :D. I think those talks as painfully annoying really helped me to stay focused and not settle for mediocrity or give up when I was at a point where I wasn't sure what I wanted to do professionally.

Nikki1920, now you know not black if you don't have you some chittlins and some hogs head cheese...lol :rolleyes: .

Just called me "white girl"
 

I hate when people who are not secure with themselves think they have the authority to decide who is truly black,a s if such a distinction exists. I attended an all white school but still lived in a black neighborhood. Needless to say, when my speech became more refined I began to really stand out. Instead of feeling proud of my proper speech, I became embarassed... until I decided that REAL friends don't care how you pronounce words... and "street credibility" is not going to help me get into medical school... and surrounding myself with people who have similiar backgrounds really helped me get over... besides the fact that I grew up:) and went ahead and brushed my shoulders off. ;)

I hated that so much when I was in school!! I attended all black public schools but the gifted classes and the Advanced Placement classes that I was in were mostly white, so of course I got the "you're trying to be white" and "white girl" remarks. It was bad enough that I got it at school but then to come home and get that from family too.

I remember coming home for a visit last summer and I was talking to an aunt about finishing grad school and possibly going back for a 2nd bachelors so that I could advance at my job and one of my cousins was like, "You need to stop being so white and acting like you so much more than everybody!" I went OFF!! I was like, "So what is being black? Tell me since you make it so clear that I'm not. Is it having a bunch of kids by deadbeat daddies? It is being on welfare? Is it making C's and D's and F's when you KNOW that you are capable of making A's and B's? Is it just being satisfied with being a cashier when you COULD be the manager?" I went on and on and on. I just unleashed all this anger on her because through the years she was the main one making the "white girl" comments. I know that I hurt her feelings but I just had to make her see that being black did not mean that you had to be mediocre.

tickledpink
Senior Member

Registered: Apr 2000
Location: The "Queen City"
Posts: 966
What the heck is "keepin' it real....?"
Sometimes I hate that term. Sometimes it fits the bill, but other times it's an excuse for ignorance.

I've had this happen before. Someone kept "joking" that I talked like a white person & that I ate like a white person. How did I handle it? I put them on the spot. I asked them to explain how it was I was "talking" and "eating". When they tried to immitate me, I cut them off with, "So, you're saying that all black people can't enunciate their words and that all black people eat like savages, like we have no home training? Do you realize that's the same thing racists say?"

Shut 'em right up.

Like someone previously said, there's a time and a place for everything, or.... err thang!


__________________
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Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
GD
Spring '92


Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.



LOL, I did not know that 'err thang' could actually be spelt.
I thinks that is the best response I have ever come across. My personal experience has been that b/c my dad is mixed, I'm 'light skinned' and I wasnt born here (I'm Jamaican) , people say I act like a spoiled white girl- 'oh you think you white because your parents can buy you whatever you want?'. My mom always taught me to 'ignore the ignorant' and that 'a soft tongue turneth away wrath' (thats straight from the Bible) so I usually just ignored them, but i think i'll use your response from now on.

Thanks.

I think Dave Chappelle correctly addresses this issue with his skit.....

When Keepin' It Real, Goes Wrong

He gives real life examples as what is and is not appropriate! :D

I've got to watch that show at some point.. lol.

I think what hurts the most is that people constantly say "You aren't black enough." Not that any of us need anyone else's approval, but its nice when one of your own encourages you to do well in life.

I've been told several times that I am not black b/c I like Metallica. (Listening to it now on Launch.) I explain to those people that the majority of today's rock bands are influenced by Jimi Hendrix (who was black) and blues music (mostly black). So what is the point they were trying to make? Shuts them right up.

I do not need to justify my life to others b/c I chose to get good grades, speak properly, went away to and graduated from college, and am not on welfare.

sorry, had to vent.. lol.

TonyB06
Senior Member

Registered: Sep 2003
Location: N.E. Ohio
Posts: 593

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Strive
Great topic.

Blacks have been known to treat each other with disrespect.

It is a shame.

Maybe one day they will learn to realize success is not dictated by color, but by achievement.
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...to be fair, I think all groups do this sort of cultural strafication. I think this thread is just more acute becuase we're discussing "us."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sorry to jump in on this thread ladies :p
the experiences you ladies have posted have also happened to me except in my case, my "latinoess" (dont think thats a word!) has also been questioned by other latinos within my own fraternity because I "talk white"
I just dont understand why latinos (or at least the ones I know) assume that being latino means i have to talk like im a gang member from south central LA
:mad:
Me and my sister have this one brother who always tells us that we talk white and we just tell him right back..."we dont "talk white", it's called speaking properly!!!"

No need to apologize. Jump right in and share.:D

ambicion6, thanks for sharing. I didnt know that "talking white" occured in other communities. Interesting....

Me neither. :( Dag, we all need to get it together.

Why is it that we (and I'm speaking about black folks ) can't seem to just STFU and support each other? It's ALWAYS something (i.e. what greek org you're in, how you talk, where you live, etc.) that we use to divide and pick each other apart over.

Sorry for the vent, but I get tired of the bull. I know our ancestors are probably shaking they head over the stuff we as a people "sweat".