This may be the smartest post I've ever read on GC.

ETA: I went back and noticed you're an Alpha Gam. Obviously a smart girl. ;)

I think this is the exception rather than the rule!!! A lot of girls my "glamorize" their recruitment after the fact and say "I always knew they were the one"- when in actuality this may not be the case. Personally I didn't have a clue! The house I ended up joining I never even expected to pref! The house went from one that I never thought about / never even entertained pledging to winning me completely over on pref night- all thanks to ONE sister whom I had never met prior to pref. Even then though, I was still not 100% sure they were "the one" when I ranked them as my number one. I just liked them "best".... I ended up in the PERFECT house for me... but I can not lie and say I felt 100% committed / in love with them while going through recruitment. .

Sorority life and "love of sisters" is not an instantaneous / magic moment. As others have pointed out, Rush is not real. You may not have that "aha moment" during rush.... you may not even have it for several weeks into pledging... like anything sororities and new friendships take time to build. HANG IN THERE... don't beat yourself up. It is not a failure that you didn't get your favorites back, it is a victory that the houses that invited you back wanted you back....

Best of Luck to you!!!

Good morning, Nittanyville! There is a lot of good advice -- I particularly liked MTSUgirl's techniques and DubaiSis' thoughts -- on this thread.

Managing the pace and stress of this recruitment actually has a silver lining. You will encounter situations, particularly in the workplace, where you will definitely not want to be your best self and not want to be in a conference room with XYZ going over the same inane thing again and wonder how in the heck Zippo got a management role. Sometimes all on the same day! : ) The best you can do in all of these stressful situations is manage your reaction (since there isn't much you can do about Zippo.) If you can distance yourself a wee bit and then say, "Okay, I'll play the game, put on my gameface and then see what happens". Sometimes you don't always get to be your genuine self, but if you go with the flow and see where it leads, you may find a surprising outcome. And remember, in the end you still have a choice -- you don't have to join any group.

Gameface wiil be skill that will serve you well for a lifetime. You already know that. I think you are just tired.

Now, I have to go put on my own gameface. It's Zippo time!

Good luck, hang in there (and these ladies offer good advice)!

As a Penn State graduate, I know how the tiers work in sorority life. It's actually stupid they have them but, hey--that's life. I just want to give you a tip. Someone mentioned it earlier that once Homecoming and THON start happening, you miss out if you didn't go Greek. I agree with that statement 100% because I saw it first hand. I actually had a friend that was extended a bid to a top chapter on campus. She didn't like some of the things the girls were doing to their pledges and she dropped. She was so jealous of how I was loving Greek Life as she said, "I wish I would have just gone to your chapter because you seem to really enjoy yourself. I missed out on Greek Life."

I also saw other girls who turned their noses up to Greek Life because they didn't want to be in the perceived "bottom" chapters. As graduation got closer, those same girls appeared bitter because they never went Greek and they let tier talk get to them. They missed out on such a wonderful experience. When I went through, I actually looked at the philanthropies. I loved to find out that my chapter is the highest money earner for Children's Miracle Network of all the Phi Mu chapters nationwide!

I can honestly say that I had friends in all the various chapters at PSU, regardless of where I went. If I had it to do all over again--I would--just so I could experience rush and spending time with my pledge sisters all over again. It really was a great experience--One I will cherish. I am incredibly proud to be a Phi Mu and a woman in the NPC.

I think this is very, very true of schools in this area in general. Even at the hugest Greek system in the state!! It's not something that's a social must like it is in the South or an avenue to better housing like at some other colleges and I think that makes the people who go through it more bonded together as a community - not just to their individual chapter - since we may have explain more to non-Greeks why we made the choice we made. When you're with other people who "get it" there's a sort of emotional shorthand that occurs.

Nittanygirl, let me try and weigh in here:

First of all, I can totally relate to your rush experiences. Rush is confusing, it's hard, and like others have said, it doesn't represent "real" life or what truly goes on within a chapter.

For example, a chapter that isn't so great at rushing may have a wonderful, peppy sisterhood full of love and warmth that just doesn't show through during recruitment for one reason or another. It's such a shame that so many girls don't get to see the potential in certain chapters due to a lackluster rush.

BUT, also, it's totally OK to feel confused! During rush, there's a ton of pressure on PNMs to say and do the "right thing," all while meeting an onslaught of amazing and very different women AND being expected to pick a favorite in just a week. It's part of the process, and there's no reason to beat yourself up for making mistakes. It happens. Brush it off and keep going! You will make it.

I also felt like I wasn't "being myself" during my rush at times, and honestly, "be yourself" is such hard advice to swallow, because rush is so formal and intimidating, or at least was for me. How exactly do you "be yourself" when you can't say X Y Z, when you have to condense your entire story into two-three sentences...it's tough, but it's how we recruit, so don't stress too much about it, in my opinion. :)

Plus, I think it's amazing you got 12/13 houses! But I do want to stress (and echo) what others have said: your experiences during recruitment DO NOT necessarily reflect the chapters' experiences. My chapter had trouble with rushing when I joined, but your pledge class can make a world of difference in the sorority.

If it so happens that you only get called back to your "least favorite" houses, I urge you to remember that those women saw something special in YOU, and regardless of who else cut you (cutting girls is often really hard!), take pride in the fact that sorority women are interested in you joining their chapter. It's a really amazing thing to be a part of.

Best of luck, girl! Hope I can answer any questions/concerns, because I really do empathize with girls going through rush.

I had an interesting conversation with a young lady who from a WRC last night, trying to comfort her and ease her frustration. I asked her if they had felt prepared for recruitment and she said "Yes! I think we did great but it's our campus rep. No matter how cool and nice we are in recruitment, we don't get as many girls. And we are really cool and nice!" And yeah, they are cool and nice, but people don't give them a chance- and it's breaking their hearts :(

So, for *those* chapters- give them a chance. Get to know them. Reps and tiers are BS in huge systems like Penn State.

THIS!!!!!!!

Yes, definitely!

And a little side rant here, but I think one of the big problems with ALL chapters (not just weak recruiting ones) is they believe that once recruitment ends, recruitment ends.

Yes, I meant to say that.

Chapter members need to learn how to be outgoing, promote their chapter, put their best foot forward, help others, and make everyone see just how awesome their sorority truly is 24/7/365.

My chapter had maybe 10 active sisters when my new member class joined. 10. Being visible on campus and having people want to join your chapter can be difficult when you have only that many members. But we had one sister (who eventually became my big) who was such a presence on campus that EVERYONE knew who she was. She wore letters EVERY DAY. No, I'm not exaggerating. She would talk to EVERYONE. She was involved on campus, and she was the first person you would see when walking into the cafe because she was always standing up, walking around, and saying hi to whoever walked by. She made joining the chapter so much less intimidating for me. She even came to my dorm and walked with me to my first recruitment party (we only did COB at the time). I think that if more chapters had girls like her, stereotypes and the idea of "weak chapters" may go straight out the window. When girls love their sorority, its values, and they want to share it with everyone, every day, it can completely change perceptions. I think more members need to think outside the recruitment box.

To the OP: At a school like Penn State, with so many chapters, I can't even picture these "tiers" being that significant. I kind of liken it to my high school - we had so many kids there (10th-12th grade, nearly 4,000 students) that once the initial few weeks of school were over, and everyone had settled into their groups of friends, no one really cared what everyone else was doing. There were cheerleaders, and football players, and goth kids, and band geeks... and I'm sure there were issues here and there, but for the most part, everyone just kind of did their own thing. With that many people, it's hard to keep track of who's "popular."

During recruitment, just be yourself at every chapter. You may find (as others here on Greekchat have discovered before) that the chapter members might know you better than you know yourself. In other words, that "top" chapter that you didn't get invited back to.. chances are, you wouldn't have fit in with them anyway. And that other chapter that you're not thrilled about.. they may be giving you the chance to be Greek that you've always dreamed of, but you just don't know yet that they're exactly what you need. There are many girls here who get their 2nd, 3rd, 4th choice.. and after a few weeks, they realize that they've ended up where they're meant to be. Just give every one of the chapters a fair chance, as that's what they've done for you.

Good luck, and enjoy the rest of recruitment!

Everyone is being very kind to you and giving you good advice. I hope it is helpful.

Personally, I'd like to give you a good swift kick in the bum for being sulky/rude/non responsive in parties because you don't want to be there/don't like the girls/don't want to be invited back. But it seems you are wrestling with that, so good for you! Negativity generates negativity and recruitment is stressful for everyone involved. Try to find some good in each group-- they have seen good in you and are extending hospitality to you and perhaps an offer of lifetime sisterhood. Take care of yourself! I hope you find your home.

This breaks my heart :(
One of my best friends is in what would be considered a "weaker" chapter at her school, and we were talking one day and she said "At first, I was a little iffy about joining because I didn't want other people to judge me, but it really is what you make of it. If you sit around telling yourself that you're in a weak chapter, you're going to feel like you are. But I've met some of my best friends through my sorority, and I wear my letters with pride. I'm proud of my letters and I'm proud to be a member of _____, and people see that. If you're confident about yourself and the sisterhood that you are a part of, nobody will even notice that it's a "lower-tier" house."

I thought that those were great words of advice and I wish more girls would recognize this!

This x 1,000!

She said so few words what I was trying to explain above :)

I can appreciate what you are saying about taking pride in your sorority. I agree with 100% on this but, it's as if you are insinuating that these young women in these "weak" chapters do not already do some of this stuff. I know that some of these "weak" chapters at Penn State-University Park, have girls just like your sister that you talked about. I know this for a fact. You have to also remember that your frame of reference is different from what may be going on at other schools. A branch campus sorority recruitment is vastly different to what goes on at University Park. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Thankfully, there aren't any websites that "rank" the tiers at branch campuses of PSU. Girls really should take pride in their organization but, you don't know what these chapters are doing for PR. You can't really compare the two.

Whether we like it or not, there will always be "tier" talk--which is stupid. Girls just have to remember that what may be TOP on their campus is actually BOTTOM on another campus, even nearby. Sorority reputation changes from campus to campus and region to region. Certain chapters that are top at PSU struggle or have struggled at both my graduate school alma maters. One of the "bottom" chapters at PSU is actually the "top" chapter at the school I am attending now. You can't let tier talk get to you because, at the end of the day, if you look like a hot mess walking around in your letters and you don't take pride in your appearance--people are going to judge you (and unfortunately) and your organization.

You got invited back to 12 chapters! That is great! Go into each chapter with an open heart and an open mind. I am positive that each of the 12 groups that you have on your schedule have wondeful things to offer.

Remember, every single sorority has philanthropy, leadership opportunities, social events and sisterhood. The letters, colors and ritual are truly the only real differences.

Enjoy FFR...have fun and be yourself! Sorority membership is such an awesome life-long experience...I can't wait to see where you end up :)

Exactly to this. Knowing you're doing that particular behavior, knowing that it's not quite right, and still doing it......... like my daughter says "whatever". I'm sorry I just think it's rude and condescending.