You said what I was trying to say a little better than I did. :)

Not every parental recommendation is always a good one, and often reflects the reality our parents grew up in. I'll use myself as an example, taking out the dating and relationship aspect. For the past few years, my father has been on me to buy a house. Despite what I've told him--that I live in the nation's priciest housing market and that I'm unmarried and childless and it doesn't make sense to buy anything right now when I don't know what my life will be like in 5 years--he keeps on pushing it. He means well, he really does, and he started a family in a time when that was what you did. So, while he's been a great father, his advice on that front is not so good for me. :D

Well, I wasn't giving advice, I was just posting my thoughts about what has worked for me. I agree with what's in bold. I guess it just depends on what has worked for you. This has always worked for me. My parents (before my dad passed) have never been controlling, they've always given me great advice (that I still follow) but still would let me make my own decisions. A lot of the decisions I make are based on the way they raised me, and so far, I haven't had any regrets.

Yep. Outside of relationships, my mom told me something similar to what your dad was telling you. When I was in my last year of vet school, she wanted me to do a traditional residency, so I could become a specialist faster. She doesn't know anything about vet medicine, so I made the decision to do a non-traditional residency, although it's going to take two years longer. However, I took the advice from a vet who knows what would be better for me. I just think it's important to listen to people who have been where I want to go.

If that's the case, then why so few first person pronouns?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2078469) I was reading some of the comments about parents being involved. I disagree, because your parents are your covering until you get married. It's just that they have better insight than you have (if you have parents who care about you). I mean, this might not always be to your liking, but it is always for your own good. This is true no matter what you think of them (provided that you have good parents). Your parents love you, they know you, and they want the best for you. Honestly, when it comes to choosing a mate, it's not brain surgery to figure out why their counsel in this area is invaluable. First of all, they are not in love with your significant other, so they can see him objectively. Second, they know and love you, so they are sensitive to what your needs are -what will work for you, and what will hinder you. So, when your parents speak on the matter of a mate, you need to listen to them instead of being dumb and relying on your own decisions.

Sorry, but the whole think reads like an observation on how it always is (with good parents) and should be, and that last sentence is clearly advice.

Like I said, if it works for you, great! But don't tell other people, even people with great parents, what they should or shouldn't be doing regarding their parents' advice. There are just way too many variables at play, and just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for others.

That's true, MC. This makes sense.:)

I agree w/ most of what PB said in the post you're referencing, but stopped short of co-signing his definitive wall between intimacy (however an individual defines it) and friendship that he seemed to draw.

Completely setting aside the OP's oddness on the issue, I think most relationships start somewhere closer to "boy-sees-girl, boy-likes-girl, they date and in the process the strength of their friendship leads to the cementing of a relationship." Put another way, I don't think I've ever dated anybody who was "strictly" a friend first. My romantic, or potential romantic interest in anyone that comes to mind, was the trigger to my active pursuit/engagement. The resultling rewardinga and satisfying friendship was/is something a wise person sees along the way.

CG, I understood what you were saying about "good parents" and the covering thing, but I think even your own subsequent posts on the matter (the professional advice vs. your parents' advice on the best route through vet school) confirmed that you know there is a point at which even "good parents" advice has to be set aside in favor of better advice from elsewhere.

But, in the main, I feel what you're saying. :)

So how many of these vulgar messages will POOPGuy be permitted to post before it gets banned?

I have given up on that question many months ago when harmless but annoying posters get banned, but constant offenders are able to continue to post.

Agreed. With this guy, it seems like his first few posts (expressing his offensive opinion about black women) were just about testing the water. When he got away with that, he continued on to degrade women across the spectrum, reserving his nastiest comments for black women.

I just don't know what to think about the lack of ban...

Hmmm... but he is showing up as banned. And has been for at least a couple hours. ??
No worries - he'll just create another account and bless us with a reincarnated presence later.

lol - I'm seeing him as banned now as well.

Perhaps POOPGuy1!

I agree with you, and this is an awesome, post. It’s just that I also agree with PB, because I don’t believe dating exist for mating (and intimacy doesn’t define that in all cases), as he said earlier, it exist for getting information. Kind of like a “go see.” It’s just that friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively if it comes to that. I don’t think it’s wrong if people choose to date, skipping friendship, because I’ve seen couples have a successful marriage after knowing each other for just a few months, but for most, it doesn’t always work that way. I mean, if you do date, I just think it’s important to use the time wisely to gather facts.

I see what your saying and I know friendship with an attractive woman can be difficult for a lot of men because no matter what a great guy he is, or how spiritual he is, the outside package will still be an important issue. It’s just that a significant part of a man’s makeup centers around the fact that he is moved but what he sees. So, I totally agree with you about “guy sees girl, guy likes girl,” and so on.:p I understand that men are moved by what they see, but I also believe a guy falls in love with a woman based on how he feels when he is with her, so friendship is very potent. It’s just that for me, I think it’s important to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. It’s like being of “like” kind. It just means that you’re compatible in many ways. You have a similar spiritual walk, you enjoy a lot of similar things. It’s just that it’s important to have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. I mean, there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, it’s just that like-minded people fare better together. After all, why do you have the friends you have? Because you share like interests and views, and when/if it comes to marriage, it’s one of the longest and most important friendships you will ever have. I agree with PB, because through a friendship, I can look at his decision making. I can also decide if he is unselfish, sensitive to the needs of others, and wise about the choices he makes, I can see what kind of friends he has, I can see what kind of relationship he has with his family, etc. and this all takes time, and time will always reveal whether or not a guy is compatible with me. Relationships, whether it’s romantic or not, are not about what any one party can get. It’s about what both parties have to give. I look for that same belief in a mate.

Tony, I see your point, and you are so right, it’s just that for me, the secret to getting the mate that I truly look for is hidden in his relationship with Christ. For me, my decisions for a mate are made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. I know it doesn’t work that way for others, but it works that way for me.

I agree with you about good parents, it’s just that when it came to my friends/romantic relationships my parents advice has always worked in my favor. My mom doesn’t know anything about vet medicine, so I look to advice from someone who does. My mom and dad had a successful marriage, and I’ve always wanted a healthy marriage like that, which is why I looked to their advice. And through the advice that they have given me, I’m able to make wise decisions myself. Like I was saying earlier, it's smart to get advice from someone who is or has been where I'm trying to go.

For the most part, I agree with you, I mean, I agree with most if not, all of your posts.:)

YAY Woohoo! :p

Hey guys, it's good you agree on things and all but it's still weird when you talk to each other and about each other as if you're not together.