Um...THANK YOU. That's all I can think to say. Everyone has been telling me that I must stick it out, but I'm really glad you understand what it's like to just not feel like the perfect fit. Reading this was a huge comfort to know that whatever I decide, it may not be the end of the world. :)

But she doesn't understand what it's like to just not feel the perfect fit, because she didn't give that chapter a chance, either. And why did she not give them a chance? Because, as she said, they weren't a "top" sorority. She dropped out for the same superficial reasons that you seem to believe are so important.

And to drop, go through recruitment again, and then get your top choice (i.e. "the best" sorority, according to you) is a RARE occurence. Plus, girlygirl doesn't attend the same school as you. You would be wise to wait a little while, because either way, you're bound for a year.

The grass is never greener on the other side and the sooner you realize that and start making the most of situations, your life will be much happier. "Top" sororities have problems just like "lower" ones do, sometimes they are just better at hiding them during recruitment. Some younger girls in my chapter annoyed the crap out of me, but I ignored that and took the time to get to know them and they have turned out to be my closest friends. Bonds take time and effort from BOTH parties. You get out of a sorority was you put into it and just sticking it out and showing up to meetings isn't going to result in anything spectacular. I guarantee that if you actually put forth effort, you will get something rewarding and you may find out that the "top" sorority you wanted, isn't so great after all.

Why would you even want to try and get a bid from a sorority that didn't offer you a bid in the first place?

Okay, I'm probably going to be flamed for this but just off the top of my head I can recall a KKG pledge who re-rushed and pledged Alpha Phi, a DG pledge who went KKG, an SDT who went KD, a KD who went Sigma Kappa and a DG who went KD (me!) So it's not like it can't be done. However, this wasn't at UVA or Virginia Tech, it was at Maryland 25 years ago.

The reasons for all of those were varied. I can only think of one who wanted a "higher tier" sorority. What I don't know is how many re-rushed and didn't get a bid.

I don't know. I agree with what almost everyone has told you. You may have little chance of ending up with a bid at all. However, if you make an effort and it still doesn't feel right then I don't think there's anything horribly wrong with depledging and re-rushing. That is, IF you're looking for something different not something better. If it's only about tiers, then forget it. You're where you're supposed to be.

Exactly. And people FROM THAT SCHOOL and region (except a girl who "conveniently" showed up just in time to refute all their claims - here's my $23, where is my bridge?) are telling her that re-rushing isn't looked on kindly.

Like I said, I really hope that someone in her sorority (or any sorority for that matter) at UVA sees this thread, and then her "should I quit" will be a moot point.

Not that I thought it was possible (because I already like a lot of what you say), but you just got that much cooler, in my book.

I mean, really, how can you know a whole group of girls within 1 day of being a member in their sorority? Maybe you didn't connect with the girls you met at recruitment, but may connect with other girls if you put in the effort to get to know them. I really believe that you are aiming to be in a "top-tier" sorority because I can see no reason why someone would drop a very good but not top-tier sorority to re-rush and possibly not receive a bid. Read my recruitment story (USFRush09), at first I didn't think I would fit into the 2 sororities I preffed but ended up loving both of them and possibly saw myself in both. My sorority isn't the first choice (usually) for many PNMs, but after I got in, questioned rather I made the right choice (what you're most likely going through right now), and decided that I want to try to get to know the girls that wanted me, I couldn't picture myself anywhere else. I want to let you know that your feelings of questioning whether you made the right decision is very common among PNMs going through formal recruitment. The week is stressful and I think if you re-rushed again that it could only get worse unless you make an effort to reach out to other sorority women and keep in good terms with your current sorority. Your sorority knows who you are, they know many other sorority women, and yes they could say things about you to them.

I can say that if after you've talked to the majority of your sorority, got to know them more than what you know from recruitment, and if you are still not happy then depledge before initiation and go through formal recruitment again. Make sure that you gave it a honest try before depledging. Ask yourself these questions:

• If I go through formal recruitment again and do not receive a bid, will that be okay with me?
• If I go through formal recruitment again and end up in a "lower-tier" or "undesirable" sorority again, will I be happy?
• Should I stay in a sorority that is very good but not top-tier and actually participate in events and get to know my sisters?

There is always a chance that if you re-rush you will get into a top-tier sorority, but if the first time around you only got a very good but not top tier sorority, what makes you think you can get a bid to a top-tier sorority? Sure it's possible, but odds are against you.

what if we just start saying "yes, you should re-rush. i don't know you, but i just know that it will work out in your favor!" to every disgruntled new member who comes here asking for our opinion? they only want to hear that anyway.

Clearly you just want good news, and you don't care what kind of no-name GCer said it or where she goes to school or how common such an event is. Such occurences are the exception (especially at UVA and Tech), and they can only happen when you do something to improve yourself next time.

Thing is, it doesn't make a difference whether you drop out now or wait until right before initiation to drop, because you can't rush again until Spring '11. You might as well try your hardest to find your place in the chapter.

So after lurking on this site for a while, I feel like I have to comment on this. I just went through recruitment at Virginia Tech and honestly, I feel like the vast majority of girls didn't even know about the "tiers." Thank the Baby Jesus most actually go where they have a good fit instead of only concentrating on these tiers. In reality, very few people actually care about them and those are the people who post on juicy campus or whatever it's latest incarnation is.

Would you put “more of your heart” into an apartment or dorm? Because it looks like the concensus is that you’re likely to get an even less favorite house next time you rush. So let’s pretend what you’ve got is a . . . private dorm, sort of like a national hotel chain. Now, you may have a membership in the Ritz Carleton chain, but it just doesn’t happen to have the strongest location there. In other cities though, its top tier. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you lucked out by getting in to an exclusive group because you’re at one of the few places they have less stringent admission requirements, and you gave it up because in your youthful ignorance you were too short- sighted to see the possibilities? Or how about this: Your Life As A Movie: cute, smart, good-to-the-bone country girl comes to the big university, gets dissed by some of the sophisticated girls, joins a humble group, makes straight A’s and sets up a study program that brings her group from 10th to 2nd place in grades, runs for Student Senate and wins, sets up a program to encourage her sisters to get more involved on campus and the group becomes more well known, inspires a contagious enthusiasm that attracts a stellar pledge class during the next recruitment season, and leaves a legacy of a thriving group that moves up into the top tier.
Or, she can go sulk. It’s mostly your choice which person you’d rather be.
Oh, what’s that? You say you’re kind of embarrassed to be identified with them? Well, that’s a vestige of High School lack of maturity with some self-centeredness thrown in. Most people grow out of that. Maybe you should give yourself a chance.