I agree with you!!:D I'll just keep my comments to myself, it's quite obvious that I was taught differently about the roles of men and women.

I find it funny that people want to add God and remove God as they feel it necessary:rolleyes:. I never said roles according to the bible, you assumed and you know what you do when you a$$ u :onot me. The roles I am referring to are natural and of course that generally agrees with the bible since it is the essence of nature.

Why do you find it hard to give up control? Your problem is not with marriage, men or religion it is with some words that you have given control of your life. My wife give me control but with the gift she gave me I returned the gift of control to her. I am the head of my house but only because my wife allows it, she still does everything she wants and never ask for permission. Hell I ask to go out, she leaves and calls back to say I will be in later, bossy a$$ AKA's. :D

Your assumpition is based on perception and yours my dear is flawed. Roles are a part of life when you got your job you got a role, when your were born into your family you got a role, what makes you think that stops when you get married. I hope that when your mate finds you he uses the right words for your sake.

As for you hurting a mans ego, maybe you confused a boy for a man. You can hurt a mans feelings and physical body but his ego should be Diamond encrusted.

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.

Marquise, this is a good question. I will just say that my husband and I (who IS a Nupe) have been friends for many years. When we were done with our "single" ways and ready to be serious we did the damn thing and got married. I have always known that he was my sole mate but I was not always willing to accept the idea. I had to grow as a woman and he as a man for us to make a serious commitment. You have to take your time and be sure because marriage is serious. We both realized that and that was that. On another note, we have a lot of friends that are married and that is pretty much who we surround ourselves with because those are the people whom we have things in common.

We have fun together and apart. We know our roles and we respect each other's individuality because it is important to remember who you are.

Aside from popular belief, marriage can be fun. It is work but it is also well worth it when you have someone who you KNOW for a fact has your back. I love being married...plus my hubby is "fine as hell" so you know that can't hurt either. :D

LOL! :D

Natural to you. Not me :)

Because I don't have to:) And neither should he.

My idea of marriage is not the same as yours (obviously) To me, it's not about control but being equal to each other. No one controls me but me. No problem.

Flawed by whose standard?:rolleyes: I agree roles are a part of life, some born into, some given, some by choice. My life, truly about choices. At the root of it all, I chose not to be married right now.


Maybe I did and maybe I didn't, I still hurt their feelings.
Why are you guys getting so puffed up? 357Nupe, you're married so what difference does it make for you?

Well, at least we agree on something! :)

Flawed by whose standard?:rolleyes: I agree roles are a part of life, some born into, some given, some by choice. My life, truly about choices. At the root of it all, I chose not to be married right now.

I can respect your choice.



Maybe I did and maybe I didn't, I still hurt their feelings.
Why are you guys getting so puffed up? 357Nupe, you're married so what difference does it make for you?[/quote]

Maybe your choices are just finding you the wrong man(boy) but from what I have read in this thread when the right MAN finds you, all your control, and 50/50 stuff will not matter you two will compliment each other to the point that the struggle for power will end and the one mindedness of love will set in and you will find yourself in the role you and your husband agree is best for the your family. (Damn I think I just said something deep but I could be wrong, nope my wife said that was a good one)
No one is getting puffed up, I thought we were having a disscusion:confused:, which involves a back and forth exchange of ideas. But if someone is getting puffed up, maybe this will prove to some women that men are not just looking for sex, but we also have a depth of emotions that women might want to tap into.

Also it makes a difference to me because what we are talking about is how relationships are affecting black people and weather married or single that is something that I will always chime in on.

the same power struggle exist in ALL relationships regardless of orientation...

whoo lord, i went home last night and called my DADDY about this thread.
i explained the several differing views on here, and this is what he had to say...

the biblical stand point is this. the definition in the bible of a wife being submissive includes him heading the household and making THE BEST CHRISTIAN DECISIONS, and also dying for his wife. now, going by that definition, a lot of christian women wouldnt mind that set up. my dad said that he never does anything without my mom's input. ever. BUT there come times when he backs down because he knows how she feels, and vice versa. this all depends on one key element: A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN.

Daddy also agreed with what i said earlier in this thread: part of heading a household (or as PrettyBoy compared it to a company) is prepping a substitute or successor. Dad may run the house, but mom can step up as well, ive seen her do it many times if he was away for work. in this case, he feels comfortable letting her do her thing without interfering in certain areas.

ALSO...he said that YES a lot of men take advantage of this role. men who dont even go to church feel that they should head a household in a biblical sense. in this case (not that they are bad husbands) he said he would be reluctant to be anything less than equals with him. Submission is probably where a lot of us women have the problem...the word sounds domineering. in the right situation, it truly is a walk together with a "speaker of the house" if you will.

BlueReign: i hope you find that prince! you deserve a break mama!

PrettyBoy: i respect your honesty on this thread...it has given me a lot to think about as far as my relationship goes, so whatever works for you, keep it up!

NinjaPoodle: giiiirl, i feel you on so many levels. it is definately refreshing to see women who can hold their own. if you feel certain parts dont affect you, then do you! my daddy said just to make sure you are equally yolked...i hope you find that man who is so on point, you can sit back and enjoy the ride!!

Dionysus: i think you found the solution. there wont be a power struggle if us women all get girlfriends!:p

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

You lint licker!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEJJUGJZxpU

Anyhow, I think a lot of people are single because they want relationships to be a walk in the park when in fact they are not. They don't want any struggle, hardships, or trials and tribulations, which I feel makes relationships stronger. People don't want to get their feelings hurt, and they probably feel better off just being single. Therefore, when something goes wrong, they are not obligated to stay. Every time I start to get to know someone, something just ain't right. There are things I can accommodate to, but I will never settle and stray away from my standards. Frankly, I'm tired of dating. However, I must go on and find my soulmate. As soon as you think you have the perfect man, you find out the a$$hole is a crackhead. WTF am I supposed to do? Watch him snort his life away? Oh sh!t, I think I just took this to a personal level. :(

Dayum. :D

I think the point that everyone needs to remember is that you must first LOVE YOURSELF!!! Be your own best friend, provider, etc. When you are ready to be in a relationship, then all of these things will help you when you are with someone else. Both parties have to learn from one another and respect one another. It's a mutual thing. Everyone will not fit a mold of how to work your relationship and the key is finding what works for the both of you.

Like I have stated over and over, I did not wake up with the idea of being "led" by my husband. He had to prove that I could trust him and he did that with ACTIONS and not WORDS.
To each is own and the goal is for everyone to find their soul mate.

I agree!

Say what!:p

Not saying that all AKA's are bossy just all the AKA's I know are bossy.:D

Exactly!!

:mad: Today I was sitting next to one of my co-workers at work and he was telling about this girl who he had been seeing. They had been seeing each other for about 3 months. When he 1st met her he came to work telling me about her and showing me pictures. Very pretty girl. About a month went by and he comes back to work telling me he got the draws. Every week he would tell me he slept with her again and again. I had no probelm with that. Well, today is what got me mad. He told me that he broke up with her, and he had planned it for about 3 weeks. He started to distance himself from her to the point where she actually broke it off with him. That's what he wanted because he didn't want to be the one with the guilt.:rolleyes: Well to make a long story short, I asked him why did he want to break it off with her? He told me because she started wanting to spend too much time with him. He said she wanted too much attention and that it was too much work.

See this is what I'm talking about. This goes all the way back to my fraternity brother's original post. It's going to keep getting worse and worse. None of these jokers are going to stop hoin' around. My co-worker told me they decided to be friends. Then he said he's going to keep screwin' her but as friends. How can someone screw a friend?:confused: This FWB (friends with benefits) crap is a never ending new thing. Where did it come from? Who started this mess? Here's what I think. The government should open up a player concentration camp and gather up all the cheaters, hoes, and players and throw them in there, that way they can screw each other and leave the committed people alone. Either that, or throw them in a big dumpster and have the Waste Management truck pick them up and dump them in a landfill with all the other trash.:mad:

So I spoke to a friend of mine (a Kappa) who is close to being clergy. I told him about this thread and your comments. Since all I wanted to know was WHY, I asked him what he thought from a Christian point of view, since this is where you were coming from. He said the exact same things you did all the way down the CEO examples!! :D Now I understand your point however I still don’t agree with it and never will. Like I originally said, I have issues with organized religion and them telling people how and what to think. While I do believe in God, I am not a Christian and thus have a problem with the whole hierarchy thing. That’s just me. I see woman and man standing together in front of God as one unit and not God, Jesus, Man then Woman. Also, I have recently decided to search for a man instead of “letting him find me”. That’s how my previous relationships started. The ones that didn’t work.;)

lol!http://www.siyclone.com/forum//style...spitcoffee.gif

Nope, I'm going to find him. All of my other relationships were the result of him finding me. I need to find what I consider acceptable. But everything else, yes sort of, because there will not be a struggle for power. I don't subscribe to that. :)


It's hard to tap into it when guys put on a front.

You are right, I respect that.

Thanks, me too.:)

LOL! For some reason, this made me laugh. :cool:

Your wife is right. ;) Very well said.

Wow. This is what happens when people don't tell one another where they stand in the beginning of relationships and are honest about it. I don't believe that all women are "blind" to the fact they can't spot a hoe. It comes with the woman setting standards first and then both being open about the relationship. If all she wants is a FWB and he does too, then hand claps for then, but if they aren't on the same page then of course things like this will happen. I know from experience. With my first relationship, all kinds of bells and whistles went off, but I didn't listen. Yes, he was a dog but I was the stupid one for contining to lie down with him and get the fleas.

this is what it all boils down to!!!!

like i said to NinjaPoodle, DON'T BE UNEQUALLY YOKED! let that man know ahead of time, let your woman know before it gets serious. give that other person a chance to decide what they want!

Totally agree.

It's interesting that the people responding to this thread have been majority christian. Is there anyone who (besides me) is not Christian that has an opinion? It just seems very one sided..or not hetrosexual? Some other viewpoint would be interesting.

I agree with you but, I have experienced times (well before I met my wife) when I thought their was clear understanding that the relationship was not going to get serious and have still had to answer the where is this relationship going question. To which I responded, the same place we agreed it was going when we started it, no where. There are some big differences between what men and women (women and men, sorry Ninjapoodle didn't mean to put the man first:D) mean when the agreement is this is just a physical thing.

alas, men everywhere will always have that problem...once im told, i usually take you at your word until i hear otherwise. women think they can change men :) and we can't. we also think you will change your minds later. you usually dont.

@NinjaPoodle, i feel u on your last point. we were both raised Christian, but have kinda stopped going to church, so i think our view as a couple still incorporated Christian values.

if you are not a Christian, they dont have to worry you one bit, and they shouldnt. there might be plenty of non-Christians who still believe in that old-fashioned family dynamic and if that is something that they agree on then its perfectly fine. i, for one, Christian or not, would never let a non-Christian man try to pull that role on me. what does he have to back it up?

I'm not a Christian, and I sort-of threw my two cents in.

Overall this thread has been very interesting...

if some of these women would keep the nookie to themselves, or at least be picky about who gets it, we could give these jokers time to "expose" themselves for who they are! lets face it tho, some of y'all are Oscar-calibur actors lol! and where some men are too lazy to put in work, maybe the problem is we need to learn how to put in a little less...?

I'm not Christian. I don't have a problem with the philosophy of a man leading, but I do feel he needs to earn that. I would have to trust him to allow him to do so.

I am a christian, however I believe a lot of things that some other christians may not agree with me about. For example, I think that same sex marriages should be allowed. See, if christians believed that they should not judge people they wouldn't go out making people's lives miserable. Just my opinion. Either hate it or agree with it, but I own it.

BTW: Some women need to hold on to their standards. There is not ONE woman who can tell me that she didn't hear the bells and whistles going off when she suspected her man was not going to do right. We all have ignored that gut feeling.

As far as the original post goes, I don't think it's limited to just men...I know a few women who have the mindset of "getting what they can get" from men. It's a dangerous game to play though...karma is nothing to play with!! (I've seen it in action...lol)

As far as the biblical discussion goes...I'm not sure if people really understand the "submitting" issue. I don't know if it is a lack of teaching...or a lack of truly understanding what the concept means. I think both parties should really be honest with each other in the beginning and discuss the tough issues before walking down the aisle. (Preferable in pre-marital counseling..lol)