I'm happily attached now, but when dating there are a few things that will make you lose points or strike out with me...

- You cancel/postpone our first date, unless you're obviously ill.
- You show up in a logo tee, especially one with "Microsoft" on in (this happens way too much in Seattle).
- You answer your cell phone on a date. "It might have been an emergency..."? Yeah, right! It's never an emergency. Let them leave a message, then check your messages when you get up later to go to the restroom.
- It becomes obvious that you've been misleading me on your background and beliefs.
- It sounds like you have a lot of drama and chaos in your life. I don't want to be involved.
- You've declared bankruptcy or talk about money woes.
- You disrespect my religious beliefs, or religions in general.
- You refer to your exes as "psycho" and blame them for your breakups. Just because you don't like her anymore doesn't mean you get to call her bipolar or psycho. Anyways, I've discovered her anger is maybe because of something YOU did.
- You don't pay on our first date. OK, so this is a social more, but it's also because most guys I date earn more $ than me.
- You're very recently divorced or coming out of a serious relationship, or you're "separated."
- You're a smoker.
- You're so conservative and opinionated that we can't have a conversation without you getting irrationally upset with me, flying into a wild tangent, and making ridiculous statements about me when you don't even know me.
- You don't want to get married and have kids someday.
- You used to live with your girlfriend. This may not strike you out, but it will probably make you a little "tainted" in my book.

What about been married before and no kids or married and kids? Something a couple sisters and I discussed recently in regard to dating guys who may have been married before and being "the second wife."

LOL

Ok, how many of us have actually FOUND guys/girls who have NONE of the yellow and red flags we mentioned? I have not. :o

I 've read this whole thread, but I still don't understand why "family background" is a red flag. Will please SOMEBODY explain?

I don't have any control over the things my family does or has done. If I live an honest life, that is how I should be judged. I should not be judged by my family's behavior.:rolleyes:

But you can choose how much contact you have with them. Having a dysfunctional family ALONE, is NOT the problem. If someone has a dysfunctional family, but they're not that close to them, or at least not close enough for the drama to have any effect....that's cool.

I get concerned when people are close enough to family where it causes trouble for people who weren't originally involved. Ok, here's an example. You date a guy, and his sister has a gambling addiction. Guy's sister does NOT want to help herself or go to GA, she just gambles and gambles. Your relationship gets more serious and you guys move in together. Guy's sister spends her rent money to gamble. Guy's sister will get put out of her house/apt if she does not pay rent. So the guy (and probably you) will have to chip in to pay for HER rent. This is an example how your date's family's drama can spill over into YOUR life. Say that this guy himself had a gambling addiction. Would you date him? If you answered "no", then why would you date a guy who has a close relationship with a sister who has a gambling addiction? However, if he wasn't that close to his sister and/or he does not pay for her losses, then I don't see any problem with that, and he shouldn't be rejected.

No, people don't have any control over their families, rather they're close to their family or not, I just think a well to do family should stay with a well to do family and one that's disfunctional should marry into another family that is similar to their own family. I think it just causes all kinds of problems when the families are opposite.

A person like that is not for me. I am very inexperienced and would not feel comfortable in such a situation. And why would someone who has had so much life experience want someone as green as I am?

On our fourth date, which had not been going well, the previous guy I dated answered his cell phone while we waited to be seated at the comedy club. He talked to the person for a few minutes. I asked who it was- could have been a relative or a business call. Turns out it was a girl he had met and had gone on one date with him a couple weeks earlier. I asked if he was interested in her- he said no, that he must have been drunk when he asked her out, and that they did not have fun at all. Me having had trouble learning manners when I was a child, and since he did not make another date with her and it could have been an emergency on her part, I let it rest. But after the show, in the car, he got really huffy about my having a problem with his dating other girls and made it very clear he NEVER said we were dating exclusively. There was a fifth date eventually, but in it he confirmed that he was looking for a woman who was very different from who I am.

A relative of mine did have a girlfriend who was bipolar. They broke up because one day she beat him up due to there not being any more cereal in the pantry- even though the grocery store was in the ground floor of the building and she could easily buy more.

If you have this kind of experience, why would you want a maiden like me?

I am a Pi Phi and I have a carnation on my ankle. I also have 4 other tattoos that no one can see unless I am in my birthday suit.

I have a respectable career, I have an education, I came from a good family.

I think you'd be surprised how many women actually have tattoos. And unless you are jumping into bed with them on the first date, you would probably never know unless they told you.

It doesn't really bother me that he pick up his phone. However, if he pick up while we're eating, get calls too often and carry on an actual conversation...then it's a big turn off. You need to talk to ME, that's why we're on a date.

Why not? It's refreshing for some. Trying not to be explicit but someone with experience in all matters of relationships is far better than another who's as inexperienced as you. I've been on both sides. Inexperience is awkward, so awkward. If a guy really loves you for you, your inexperience won't matter. If you love him for him, you won't hold his past relationships against him.
I really do suggest expanding your field a little. You don't have to compromise your morals to find someone as wonderful as you're holding out for.

My SO is none of the flags I mentioned. In fact he STILL hardly ever answers his cell phone when he's with me. I wouldn't care as much about the cell now, but I sure would on a first date.

In my post, I was referring to guys that slap that label on all their exes because it seems to be a convenient way to label her as the bad one in the relationship. I've heard it from almost all the guys I've dated as a twenty-something, to the point where I've actually questioned them about it.

I not going to pay F%&king her bills, F@#$ that. Personally, I still don't think that the above described situation is a red flag against him.

I'm not so sure about this. It's my working theory that everyone has at least one psycho ex. I have one; my husband has one. DH told me about his psycho ex on our second date... he mentioned that he had dated "Jessica" for a few months. I had the misfortune to meet Jessica when she rushed; let me just say that there's a reason she's not in a sorority.

If he's tossing around words like "psycho" and "bipolar" as insults, without knowing what they really mean, then that's a problem - especially if I know the girl in question and she is not mentally ill.

After reading this thread, I understand why you guys have so much time to be on GC.

(badump-ump)

What would raise a red flag for me is someone who doesn't understand that I have a chronic illness, and doesn't take time to understand the illness and the nature of it.

It's a part of who I am as a person, and if my date doesn't take the time to understand me, then the relationship is no good.

I'm happy to say that my SO of 16 years is very understanding. He's been with me through all the good, bad, and ugly that my having bipolar disorder can bring. Thank goodness the relationship is one of the stable things in my life.

I could go on. But I won't.

Good for you, I'm still looking for someone who can look past that without ignoring it.

Oh, where to start?

1. Disheveled appearance
2. Convincing me to wear a fanny pack instead of carrying a purse
3. Picking teeth
4. Nose hair
5. B.O.
6. Announcing that your nipple was sliced off
7. Chewing with the mouth open


In June, I went on a date with a guy from an internet dating site who did, indeed, commit all these sins. And yet it's my fault that I tried to walk off!

you wore a fanny pack? that would raise a red flag for me

j/k

I already ditched a guy for watching soaps. He would say he was coming over to our house to visit me, but he would really want to come over to watch his soap on HDTV. What a dork!

I'm more alarmed her shared with you that his nipple was sliced off!! That is something straight out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit!

When at a bar, she drops something and bends over to pick it up. Then some random dude walking by sees the top of her head and is all "Hey, I know her".

Red flags for me:

Definitely someone who isn't supported in my current health condition, faith in Christ, bad breath, conceitedness, etc...I am half asleep so I don't feel like typing a full list of yellow and red flags...

Damn Jon, I dont know how many times I have to apologize for that happening or how many time I have to tell you that he really didn't know me!!!

hahahahha!!!

1. Excessive body odor.
2. Repeated uses of the words "awesome", "dude", or the unstoppable discussion of their drug/alcohol use and the results while I am trying to eat dinner.
3. Make up.
4. Using internet slang in conversation, with the exception of "wtf". Because I find it amusing.
5. Tattoos that came from a stay in prison. Otherwise they are acceptable, in moderation.
6. Chain smoking.
7. They make me pay when they were the ones who asked me out. (I think whoever issued the invitation should pay.)
8. They are talking about marriage before dessert.
9. Discussion of ex girlfriends.
10. Discussion of ex boyfriends.

When they type "POS" and sign off real quick - that's a sucky end to a first date.



Just kidding.:p

hahaha, good one

The last time I went out with a guy, I didn't really like the guy, but I decided to go. Well his breath was kung-fu fighting:eek: and he was staring at me the whole time during the movie! I thought what was too weird. He wouldn't look away, so I thought I had food in my teeth. He wanted to hold my hand and he was being waaaayyyy to clingy....this was the first and last time we went out.....I refuse to call it a date:(

I went out to lunch with this guy I met at college at the beginning of my freshmen year. We had talked before, and I thought he was very a cool guy, I really enjoyed talking to him, so I agreed to meet him for lunch one day. Well, I have NO IDEA what happened to him, but several factors turned me off. The boy was SO NERVOUS that he ate 2 bites of his food before throwing it away. It's ok to be nervous, but he showed no signs of loosening up around me. That didn't bother me as much as his obsession with internet cartoons!!!!!:confused: He kept going on and on about them, and then he started QUOTING THEM.....IN CARTOON VOICES!!!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek: People at tables around us were kinda looking over at us with "wtf" looks on their faces. Ugh...soooo embarrassing!!!:o

Someone who starts to name our children and telling how wonderful marriage is going to be and how he can't wait. FREAKING HUGE RED FLAG. Unfortunately, that's a true story right there. Needless to say, little Josiah and Paija were never born because mommy thought daddy was an obsessive loser and refused to go on second date.

You went out with jon1856???


Just kidding jon.:p

This made me laugh so hard.:D

Same here. Christian boys can be extremely scary.

You're a short guy. A 5 foot tall girl is perfect for you. Girls over like 5'5 or so aren't going to want a man that they can't even wear heels around. A girl being 8 inches shorter than you is a pretty good ratio.

I have a problem finding guys who are taller than me. I'm 5'9", and I LOVE to wear high heels! Problem is, guys are not much taller than me when I wear heels:( So a 5'8" guy should be grateful to be with a girl who is 5'.

Seriously. I'm 5'7 and wear heels almost constantly. If a guy is 5'10 or less, it really just feels awkward.

on the first date, a man who is too touchy-feely and already talks about giving me massages.

FOR REAL...."God sent you to me to be my one and only true love." WHATEVER, we'd only been together for like a week at that point and at 8 weeks he proposed. First of all, we were 17. I was NOT getting married at 17 to a guy I'd been with for 8 weeks. Man, I have the worst luck with crushes-turned-stalker, out of all my friends, it always happens to me....

I'm just special this way, but I don't like guys to be much taller than I am (which is 5'3") I'm about 5'7" in my highest heels, so 5'8" would be perfect. Man, you're just the total package all around, where do you live again??? :)