Unfortunately, there are people that do "date in color" ;) so to speak. Just in my personal experience, I can't tell you how many people I've ran across that "don't date black women because _______" or "I only date white girls because _________" . Yes, ignorance at its best I know but sadly there are people with that mentality. :(

I understand and I acknowledged it in my post. However, you also have to know that this where many people ARE coming from.

As far as people who "date in color", that just speaks to the nature of people to do what's in their comfort zone. As any ______ man/woman, ______ from a _______background, growing up ________in the _______, an ~~ideal~~ mate is someone who has a similar background in most/all aspects. One has less to explain, less to compensate for, etc, etc. This rationale goes beyond race. And it makes sense, especially when you date someone who hasn't so-called "struggled like I/you have". Can you imagine having to explain every-dayum-thing? But then, if I were to stick to the pool of men who come from backgrounds like myself, I might be bored, may miss out on the challenge of getting out of my comfort zone or anything. Or maybe the man I end up with WILL be just like Mr. T (my dad). Who knows? I don't. But I don't think that I should exclude finding out what is and what isn't in the meanwhile...And on top of that, unless you date someone who is your clone, there will always be issues of relativity---different education, different associations, different familial backgrounds, different struggles, etc.

And I guess that's the point I was trying to make before, that *that* way of thinking can limit the scope of prospects in a relationship. I guess my point is is that there is more out there than what you think you know of. That this isn't the end of it. There is no better way to find out than try...

*And this is why people need to travel/study abroad...Think OUTSIDE OF THE BOX, for crying out loud!*

THIS shoulda been addressed on the show--not some surface bull!

enigma_AKA

I agree. This is much deeper than surface issues about sex or physical stuff. Sometimes I just need to hear, "baby I understand what they did today, and you are a strong black man who is a threat--just like I am a strong black woman who is a threat. I know a friend who has a white LS in a BGLO. She is married to a black man who is a doctor. She continually states, "He is the first Black man to do this...the first black man to do that", and I am thinking does she even know the significance of it all?

She knows more than you give her credit for.

This is strictly my opinion, but I don't agree with interracial dating. Mainly because our minds have been incarcerated so long by white society and some (not all blacks) believe that to be with a caucasian some how says that they have arrived. I know that some have already said this but I also don't believe that a white man cause relate or identify with me as a black woman.

For this same reason I've never seriously dated an American man. Before I get crucified let me just explain why. I have no negative statements to make against Americans (whether black, white, orange or polkadot) but I found that I can't fully related to what Americans go through and don't fully understand me. I want a man who eats the same food as I do and who speaks the same way as I do. It is the same with race. With race comes cultural differences and those differences can be quite significant.

Though I don't agree with interracial dating I'm not one of those people who gets all nasty, because at the end of the day I'm not the one dealing with a white man/woman. To each his/her own.

Okey, poll question...
 

I just watched a very heart wrenching Tyra Banks Show where a "Black" girl--who was obviously "Black" said she HATED Black women for the similar stereotypical reasons as to why racist Klan members hate Black folks and some Black men stop dating Black women.

So, my question is, how is it different for a Black woman to say she hates Black women and only wants to have white female friends because they are "better", than for a Black man to say that he will only date white women? Is it different?

Okey, I'll start: my opinion, my husband and I had a huge disagreement on it. I don't think it is different, whereas he does because he says that Black men who say that they will only be with white women say it because they have been "hurt" so many times in the past by Black women and blah, blah, blah--we've all heard that story...

I say there is no difference, both are self-hating and self-defeating behaviors and it is silly.

Ironically, Tyra was about to go across that stage an beat the chit outta chick until she realized she was payin' her to say some crazy chit like dat dere...

Re: Okey, poll question...
 

It is in no way different!!! This goes back to what I believe is mental slavery. I am all for an equal opportunity dater, one who doesn't cause what race you are (even though I don't do that myself). But to say that I don't date people of my own race is self-hate. Sorry to let a sister know but no matter how much she hates black, she is black and there is not enough plastic surgery or weave in the world to change that. And if a man is so weak minded that he will only date white women, let the white woman have him.

Who says dating interracially means dating someone who is white? My cousin is Chinese and is in a LD relationship with her black boyfriend. I have dated Latin and middle eastern men as well as white.

probably never an asian dude, though, LOL.

You know what's weird, it's like the number one objection people have to interracial dating is that they feel like they wouldn't relate to someone a different race....in my case that it isn't so much an objection, because I've only dated within my race, but a big concern that I wouldn't relate to someone of the SAME race. I can't relate to the typical black guy, and especially the stereotypical black guy. This is the first time ever saying this, but I believe a big reason why my longest relationship lasted only a month (the other two were only two or three weeks), is because of this reason. They were nice, attractive, and intellegent guys, but I had nothing in common with them. I believe that all three of these guys liked me way more that I liked them. I only went out with them because I felt like I was SUPPOSED to like these guys...and I needed a date for upcoming events at that time, like homecoming.

I'm just trying to get what you meant by your post, Dionysus...I didn't want to get the wrong impression by what you wrote, because at first, it seems...wierd.

First, you said:

My question is-what do you define as a stereotypical/typical Black guy? There are many types of people: Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, educated/non-educated, jock/prep/conscious/fratty, bungalow-dwelling/apartment dwelling/mansion dwelling/shack dweliing, etc, etc...which type?

Then you said:
My question: Is that a race matter? Is having something in common with someone defined as race these days? Maybe it was just them, not specific of race or whatever. Maybe it was you.

My question (and statement): Well, hayle, there you go! Wouldn't these men in particular be wack candidates regardless of race? You didn't like them as much as they liked you--well, that's half of the problem. And then, asking someone as a date for an event doesn't mean you have to like them--it just means you need a date. Or was it because they were Black that you didn't like them in the first place? :confused:

Just trying to be clear.

enigma_AKA

Dionysus,
Do you mind telling us the differences between the two of you that led to you having nothing in common? What were you like? What was he like?

can't help who you're attracted to.

In my culture (Somali), dating anyone non-Somali is almost considered dating outside the race..even to a fellow African (of another culture).

I can't really write off someone because we are not from the same country, so dating outside my race is more likely..as long as we see certain things eye to eye.

It's like that for Chinese too. I know some people who have dated Japanese, only to have their grandparents (who lived through WWII torture) be completely against their relationship.

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
I'm just trying to get what you meant by your post, Dionysus...I didn't want to get the wrong impression by what you wrote, because at first, it seems...wierd.

First, you said:

My question is-what do you define as a stereotypical/typical Black guy? There are many types of people: Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, educated/non-educated, jock/prep/conscious/fratty, bungalow-dwelling/apartment dwelling/mansion dwelling/shack dweliing, etc, etc...which type?

Stereotypical Black Guy=Fits all or most of the negative black guy stereotypes. I don't like walking stereotypes, and this isn't only with black men. I'm also turned off by white guys who fit most of the negative white guy stereotypes.

As for typical, it is a lot harder to define. But, I know one when I see one. Like you said there are many types of people within one race. How can I put this? I would say that the "typical" black guy is someone who is not well intergrated into mainstream culture. I will give some examples later on.

Then you said:

My question: Is that a race matter? Is having something in common with someone defined as race these days? Maybe it was just them, not specific of race or whatever. Maybe it was you.

No, I don't always think it is a race matter. That was kind of the point of my post. Again, a lot of people say that they would not date interracially because they won't have anything in common. I don't think that's always true. You can date someone within the same race and not have much in common, and you can date someone from another race and have many things in common. I know the former from experience.


My question (and statement): Well, hayle, there you go! Wouldn't these men in particular be wack candidates regardless of race? You didn't like them as much as they liked you--well, that's half of the problem. And then, asking someone as a date for an event doesn't mean you have to like them--it just means you need a date. Or was it because they were Black that you didn't like them in the first place? :confused:

Yes, you are right, I would've not bonded with any of those guys regardless of their race.

Growing up in a predominantly white area, and attending predominantly white schools from k to grad school, I do consider myself as someone who is well intergrated into mainstream culture, at least superficially. Those guys were not, IMO.

Our tastes in clothing, MUSIC, movies, and food were completely different. Our hobbies were also quite different.

I would describe all of them as politically liberal, but socially conservative, as many blacks are. I'm middle of the road politically, but I'm quite socially liberal.

For some reason, I don't mind these differences in platonic relationships or friendships, or I would have less black friends. And here on GC, I enjoy reading many posts on the NPHC forums. I've learned a lot of new things. Before GC, I've never heard of people like Zora Neale Hurston. On a less serious note, I didn't have a clue what "bootlegging" meant. I think I only heard of the word five times in my life.

However, when it comes to intimate relationships, those kinds of differences are a concern. But, then again, these differences are pretty superficial. I'm sure if I look deeper I can find something in common. So maybe it is me.

No, this does not mean that I will stop dating black guys. I'm just saying that I once had assumption because I dated someone within the same race, that we would automatically have a lot in common. I found out the hard way that I was wrong.

Re: back to Oprah...
 

Sorry I just read this. I didn't even watch it. I ended up deleting it after about 5 minutes into it. I think the whole debt diet thing frustrated me because these women were extreme and I couldn't relate. I wish she'd picked a more realistic couple to assist.

Come on Dionysus, where are you finding these AA guys that you are dating? If you're finding them at a *somebody's college* then they are probably well integrated into the mainstream. Come on now, where are you finding these guys?

Also, I guess that I would say that if there was any mismatch, it was probably the perspective on what is to be valued. Example - there is no inherent value in being well-integrated into the *mainstream* for the sake of being so. Basically, the term "mainstream" is just another term for the majority culture of a place. So if we say live in the US, the mainstream will be defined by the power players or the most populous and dominant group, which tends to be non-AAs. So it seems feasible that a guy may not be totally intertwined into the non-AA group if he is not AA. I digress... My point is that we must always consider and critique our own point of reference. There is no inherent value in the majority culture or the non-majority culture, it's all a matter of choice. You choose the majority culture on many things and maybe this guy did not. That does not mean that he was not exposed or well-integrated, only that he may have *chosen* what he liked best, as you have. Many of us have been exposed but we choose what we like, it's just a matter of choice and it seems that yours were different. Of course, that's not a matter of race, there are many guys that may choose mainstream and be AA. It's all where you hang out.

The fact that one chooses the non-majority culture over the majority culture does not necessarily imply a lack of exposure. To assume so must imply that when one is exposed to the majority culture, one will automatically choose it b/c there is the idea that it is better or there is some inherent value. Consider that there may be value in the non-majority culture as well and you may see more value in these guys you deem "stereotypical."

Also, regarding feeling that many AA guys are walking stereotypes, how many have you really interacted with? B/c it does not sound like you've had a reasonable sample. I say that b/c you lived in an all non-AA community while growing up, and went to non-AA populated schools in K-12 ..... Perhaps your sample set is not large enough to make generalizations. Consider.

Also, we must all be careful not to buy into the stereotyping that is displayed in mainstream. You mentioned that you had only heard of "bootlegging" like 5 times in your life. All of that is to what?? Is "bootlegging" some term that you associate with AAs? That's a stereotype. Expand, you will see that in many circles, we do not even use that term. That's a *stereotype*.

You have not heard of Zora Neale Hurston before this board? Why not? You are college-educated and AA. She wrote, if not the first, one of the first modern day AA romance novels. Even if you grow up in a predominately non-AA community and go to those schools, we must all take time to delve into things if they are important to us. Is AA literature important to you? It's not mainstream. Is it important to you?

SC

First guy I went to church with.
Second guy was my mother's best friend's cousin, I'm serious, lol.
Last guy did attend college, but not the same one. I doubt that matters though.

I made a clear distinction between the typical black guy and the stereotypical black guy...using my definitions. I never said that many AA guys were walking stereotypes. :eek:

As for you saying that I "chose" to integrate with mainstream culture...I guess it's true to a degree, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's what I knew, and what I liked. Within the last few years, I have been delevoping interest in AA culture also. I'm beginning to like the best of both worlds. But even now, I don't think I can relate to a guy who's only been exposed to AA culture. I hope you don't think that I see all black guys that way. I would love to find another black guy who I can relate to, so I wouldn't have to go through the drama that many IR's bring. I know they are out there some where. I knew three or four and I was attracted to them, but the feeling did not seem to be mutual. It just seem like I'm out of luck.

According to the Steve Harvey show's entertainment report, Karrine Steffans (Superhead) will be on Oprah today.

^^^^Yep. I wonder what she wants now!? Haven't we had enough of Supahoe?! :confused: :( :o :mad:

enigma_AKA

her 15 minutes was up like 30 years ago.

her book is coming back out in paperback, lol.

A friend told me that last night was a repeat but I seldom watch Oprah. I did enjoy the 30 minutes I saw last night. Karrine is really pretty minus her Keshia Cole hair.

Really, though? For real? Paperback? Now, middle schoolers can check out the book, if they wanted to, from your local library. :rolleyes:. I'ma start a campaign: 'Supahoe got to GO'! lol---just kidding, kinda. :p

enigma_AKA

I thought she would begin all new shows (Spring) on yesterday, per her advertisements. :confused:

I thought Karrine was dressed spring like so it lead me to think it was a new ep. When did Pink's "Stupid Girls" song come out? (not directed specifically to you but to anyone who listens to Pink/knows)

ETA: Found an article http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/...s/3782812.html
Yesterday was a new show. :)

I like PINK. Never heard the song but getting ready to go read the lyrics.:o

Pink's song is new, it just came out recently. I like her too. The video is good as well.

And WTH was up with Karrine's hair?

I just watched the music video courtesy of Launch. Didn't even have to search for it. It was right there under POP. GREAT video and message.

I think she was well spoken but I was just so distracted by her hair!! My goodness!:eek:

Her hurr made Remy "Cognac Jack" Ma look respectable.

Now do you reeeeeallyyy mean that Steeltrap? LOL
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Warning! Warning! Hot Mess Picture of Remy Ma up ahead!
Warning! Warning!
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http://i2.tinypic.com/sbkfut.jpg

WTH? Was she auditioning to play Scar in The Lion King?

New season starts airing April 17th

She looks like the unkempt afro love child of George Clinton (Parliament) and Diana Ross. Bless her heart. Somebody get that baby some Blue Magic and a hot comb.

I loved Pink on Oprah's show yesterday....

Anywayk I watched Oprah today, (the day after the post-video hoe segment)....

High School Students could not even remember/know who the first President of the United States was? :eek:

All I can say is WOW!!! But my fellow Bajan, Rihanna, looks fabulous.

Tuesday:
Larry Fishbourne and Angela Bassett will be on to support Akeelah and The Bee...

I will be watching both. I *LOVE* spelling bee movies (i.e. Spellbound, Bee Season, etc.)! Brings back good ol' childhood memories of being in them! :D