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Re: The Bigger Picture
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Think about it and more importantly "Pray" about it. Please don't allow yourself to get in your own way! |
Professor,
You said in one of your most recent posts that, (and I quote) "Love does not instantly end when faced with trials." If you believe this to be try, why don't you admit your "indiscretion" to your soon-to-be wife? Why not face this trial WITH her and give HER the opportunity to decide on HER future with you? This may make your love go stronger. IMO, I think that you are insecure about losing her. Maybe you feel that your relationship is not strong enough to withstand this trial. If you REALLY feel that your love is strong enough to spend the rest of your life with her, you should respect her enough to inform her and let her decide where things should go. Love is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership, not a dictatorship. |
I can't believe I just spent a whole hour and then some reading this whole thread.http://www.plauder-smilies.de/eek2.gif
Personally think it better to be honest. I never been in love, but I don't think I could cheat on someone I really loved.:eek: Then lie and decieve them. It would kill me to stand in their face everyday knowing I betrayed them. |
I have to say I really don't agree.
My husband hired a local girl to help in the store and this is the kind of girl that doesn't care if a man is attatched or not. I even warned him about hiring this particular girl and he did it anyways. As soon as he hired her our relationship went straight south. I knew what was going on but had no proof even a mutual friend of ours was trying to tell me what was going on, and of course as a life long partner this is something you just don't want to beleive. And to top it all off he even forced me to be friends with this girl, no way in hell that was going to happen!! When your wife is pregnant and your husband chooses to stay out till 6 in the morning what is a woman suppose to think???!!! That he is being faithful, that he is working?? Ummmm, don't think so. My husband plain out lied to me for over a year and was still in denial when letters, emails, testimonials and pictures were thrown in his face!! So don't try to tell me that men can not control themselves, men put themselves in the situation even when they know what will come of it. |
I truly believe (as a man), everything has to have its purpose. Your relationship has to have a sound purpose and meaning to you or you will be curious because we men are logical creatures. Now this is where the problem comes in. Men are logical creatures and women are emotional (no disrespect). Because of this, we are on two different fields when it comes to temptation and I've come to understand that the reason a woman baits and gets a man is because she plays on that aspect of him that he denies or doesn't even realize exists. So there's no boundary in that emotional area and it causes a man to fall. However, that does not justify a man's actions for cheating it just makes an attempt to explain it. As a man I just simply learn that when I'm in a relationship I need to put up boundaries around me and not make any "new" female friends. Also, not to place myself in situations where I feel that I may become tempted to do something out of the ordinary.
Now to answer the original post... Professor has a valid point. Damn near any woman can get a man with the right set of tools. Especially if she catches him at the right moment. That is why I choose to avoid those moments and stay away from those with those tools when I'm committed or working on a relationship. |
My point is he knew what was going to come out of just hiring her as they have had a relationship before. The previous relationship happened when I was on a trip and while I was gone a friend of mine told me what was going on and of course I didn't beleive him.
So he deliberately put himself in the situation. I guess I should have and ended the relationship then. |
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My response wasn't directed towards you... However, I did read your testimony. I truly apologize for what happened to you and yours. He put himself in that situation and he compromised his boundaries. Some people don't realize that because you have someone it doesn't mean that you can start allowing others to come into your life because they already "know" about your situation. Hell, nowadays... Married men get the most ass. It's a sad reality. My heart goes out to you though. You'll get someone better if you haven't already. |
I think men have cheated for so long that a lot of women are jumping on the band wagon. They cheat too. Men as a whole are viewed as dogs and cheaters, which isn't true. I've never cheated on anyone I've been with. I could have, but I didn't. I've been accused of cheating, but those women that accused me were insecure with themselves anyway. To me it's just not cool, to cheat on someone that really cares about you.
Old thread but interesting. |
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If men have cheated for so long, then who have they been cheating with? Other men? Or women? I say/ask this because for all the number of men who have been cheating, aren't there the same number of women who are cheating with those men? Therefore, how can women [just start] 'jumping on the bandwagon', as you say? Unless, there are more men on the 'DL'?. :o This has been kind of a pet peeve issue with me. To say that ''men have always cheated", then they have to be going out with someone to cheat with. This would imply that for every man cheating there is a woman cheating too, so it's not really a 'new' thing for a woman to cheat. |
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Well, then someone should tell all those people who are in relationships, but are not married, just dating, that they are not 'cheating' when they step out on their mate. So, what is it called when people are dating? And, don't fool yourself....women play the field too when they are married, single, or dating. ;) |
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I'll add this too, yes women have always cheated but not like men. More women cheat on their husbands now than ever before. That's what I meant by jumping on the band wagon. |
Huh? So PB and 06, are you all saying that it is only considered cheating if the man is married? So, if the man is not married, but is in a serious dating relationship then it is not cheating? And, how is a woman's cheating different than a man's? If a man is out there cheating with a woman is she not just as guilty of the act as the man?
I get the impression that you all are implying that a man's cheating is somehow different than if a woman cheats. I think somewhere in your argument there is a double standard. |
This thread is off the chain. Honestly and technically, I've cheated on everybody I've been with. I have also told them all too with the exception of one. However, he still ended up finding out. Karma is a B. They all still wanted to be with me too. I was like wow. I ended up breaking off the relationships cuz there is no need in being some place you aren't happy/content. Basically, honesty is the best policy. I've grown and learned that I'd rather be single than to put anyone through anything of that sort. If I'm dating someone, I cut it off immediately if I'm not feeling it. In the words of X-Scape, "Everybody cheats. But you gotta know how. You gotta know when. You gotta know why...." Actually, I don't believe everyone cheats. Just place yourself in the other person's shoes, pray about it, and follow your morals. That way, you'll always come out with the right choice/answer. Yall letting dude have it, lol.
BTW, sigmadiva, you are too funny. |
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What do yall think about the situation Desery described on the last page? That sounds like drama.
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Just because I don't understand his logic on this particular topic, this does *not* mean I think he is being negative. ;) |
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When I see topics like this,,,I wonder was man really made to love just one person.
Anywhoo Professor I think you should tell, no matter when and how you do it it's gonna be rough. But at least you were honest with your (wife?) And let the chips fall where they may. I also think if you guys decide to split up...try not get into another committed relationship. If you have kids just try to be a great dad. Committed relationships might not be your strong suit, just be a confirmed bachelor and do you.JMO To the poster that said All women stick together...obviously not. He needed a woman to cheat with. I sure hope that skeeza was worth your relationship |
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If we (the general we) are going to *assume* that in the history of men cheating (married or not) that the "other woman" is involved, then I assure you the other woman is cheating also, if no one else, then at least herself. In order for a person to cheat in a relationship, then there must be a third party - male or female. Quote:
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Why men cheat
The no.1 reason men as well as women cheat is they feel their partner is lacking in a certain area in the relationship.
I believe there are 5 points in a relationship in which the people will have to be connected: Emotional, Mental, Physical, Spiritual, and Sexual. As long as these five points coincide between the two individuals, a man will see no reason to go elsewhere. All needs are met. It is when something is not connecting between the two or they are not on the same "level" will infidelity happen. Emotionally- A man wants a woman that will encourage him not tear him down. He wants her to let him know that he is needed. In turn he should be comfortable to confide in his woman with his emotions and it not be seen as a "weakness" but strength that he has that much trust in her. Mentally- The man and woman should be on the same wavelength when it comes to conversation. THe should be able to connect on mulitiple range of topics and share the same interest... also think of this as "Communication" Physically- There must be some type of attraction....that way if everything else lines up ... something that "Sparkles a little more" will not make the brotha stray. Spiritually- Every man wants a woman that can be his "rib" especially if it deals with religion, they should have at least the same basic views so that being unequally yoked spiritually will not become a problem. Sexually- In marriage a husband and his wife become one. The husband should be willing to do whatever it takes to keep his wife satisfied as well as vice versa.. If everything you need to satisfy you is done behind closed doors then a man will not go out else where to be satisfied.. |
^^^. The above is true, however, the reason someone cheats is not an excuse to cheat. Just because someone feels that an area is lacking, it gives the person no excuse to go and cheat. (especially in a marriage). When people are dating, it's important for both parties to express expectations. For example, if the two agree to date eachother, but have an open relationship, then they both need to be mature enough to handle it. Don't say it's okay to have friends of the opposite sex, but then nag about it.
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Cheating Men...
In regards to this topic, I think that, all too often, honor and integrity driven brothers, make an intensely concerted effort to remain just that, honorable. But, then there's the number of cheesy brothers out there that spent their bachelor party events, engaged in some actions that should not have come to fruition, so, the ability or the inability/proclivity of a man to cheat lies deeply embedded in the man's character. If he was garbage before the marriage, there is a chance that he may not change his ways, and remain garbage after he's married.
But too, the same inferrence can be connected to some of the sisters out there. Recently, I was on a visit to Atlanta, and although I know that Atlanta ain't the best city to try to be focused in, the women were rolling up trippin'. It's hard man. Anyway, I came across some women who just didn't give a damn. Some were married, and most weren't. I was with some of my Bruhs, and oh boy, my newly married Sands' would show the women his ring and then he'd say, "oh, I'm married" and some women were like, "so, I didn't ask you that". I was like, okay. The world can be a debauched place, but, its all about the character of both the man and the woman, and ultimately, the role that Christ plays in their lives. The 7th |
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Did you get my PM? |
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I agree. Not only is it more in the open, but women are flat out doing it as much as men if not more, because of more financial independence. This is what I meant by jumping on the band wagon. |
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Yeah I got it. Let's keep it even. March and July. |
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;) |
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Pretty Boy...
PB,
What up mang? Fear not young Padawan, for you are destined to fall in love, simply because that's part of GOD's plan for all of us. You just need to pray that she's not half-retarded or krazy:D. This country's divorce rate is only indicative of this country's leadership and this country's moral decay. It's all a cyclical flow of madness Bruh, but, that's convo for a later show. In regards to love, I don't know much, but I do know this. Your job is to be the man that you were designed to be, and as you work to become that beacon, your light will become so illuminescently bright and strong, that the woman that GOD has destined for you, will find her way to you because of it Bruh. the 7th Son |
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I believe women have known their "Power" over men since Adam and Eve. But like my pastor says, you know what is about to go down when the candles are burning, the wine is in the glass, and Jodeci is playing...so don't even get in the situation. But the Bible states that GOD never allows us to be tempted without having a way out.
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LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLL
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I won't get into all of that, but like I said a few seconds ago, you'll know. Just know that everything that comes your way is NOT of God. |
BtB...
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That's so very true, BtB. I have learned that when it comes to expecting what GOD has already promised us, we must be intentional and pray for "specific" things. Ask not, want not. If a Bruh only prays for a dime piece, he'll get that dime piece, the only thing is, is that when she arrives, she may be a half-retarded ass Monkey in the brain. the7th |
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I learned the hard way with that one! |
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