But if everyone who wanted to join XYZ COULD join it, would they still have a higher social status? Would there even be levels of social status at all?

Munchkin03, I am happy to see that you are on the Deferred Rush Express with me. :D

Wow...after reading about all these A-list girls getting cut by every single house, I'm starting to think it's a wonder I made it through myself! :eek:

A-List cuts
 

Just a suggestion, but do you think a girl's family's social status might have anything to do with her being invited back? Are A-list girls cut because another girl is a debutante or because her family is a regular feature on the society page?

I am not sure how it works in other states, but I do know that at ECU debs were given some preferential treatment during rush. Due to being in Raleigh for the state "coming out" events our debs missed ther first couple parties of rush. All the sororities wanted them and none would cut them unless they did not have the grades. When they came for third party they were allowed to choose who they wanted to pref.

My sorority was not considered "lower tier" but was kind of in the middle. We got a lot of girls who were not unhappy to be in our group, but perhaps it was not their first or second choice. We have two houses that get most of the debs .
One friend of mine, a deb, could not go to her first choice because of her grades. Although AOPi was not her top choice, she took the bid and ended up being one of our strongest members...very involved.

I will agree that if a girl's heart is not in it, though then she should not pledge a house in which she is totally unhappy.

I have definitely seen girls at the "top" houses that have lousy personalities etc, and it makes you wonder how wonderful girls get passed up. Its also ridiculous how girls are seen as more or less attractive depending on what house they are in. We had some beautiful girls, but were not known for it. We were the "cool, laid back house"

i don't know if deferred rush is the answer. i rushed as a sophomore bc we weren't allowed to rush as freshmen. honestly, i think that most women went through rush already knowing where they were going to be. at a school with more glos, perhaps this would be different. there was no "open-mindedness" going through rush at my school. basically, it was you were between 2 different houses (either a or b; or c, d) all along or you were hoping to get into a or b, but if you didn't you dropped out.

edited to add:
on a campus with 1000 PNMs and 10 houses....it sounds like there need to be more groups...and i do know that no group would go near lsu due to the amount of resources that need to be put in up front, but maybe if 3 or 4 groups went on at once, that would even things out a bit.

Reading all the posts on this thread makes me so glad that i rushed my chapter rather than at another school....i didn't know that PNMs activities are so scrutinized at some campuses...sororities at my school are given a list of generalized activities and GPAs but tend to go on conversation and connections made during parties since there are so many girls rushing that have the same activities really

with regards to the answer to the question "How did you know that you wanted to join ______?" i hate the "I just had a feeling" statement as well! even though i really DID have a feeling about AXO, i wouldn't want to advise a PNM to go on her gut instinct alone. i would definitely have a prepared answer of "The sisters were caring, they had a high GPA, i knew they were involved on campus, etc."

To get off on another tangent entirely . . . I don't think that deferred rush is necessarily the best choice, although it is definitely a good option. I think that at schools where the majority of students think of themselves as "not the sorority type" and where the extra year or semester can give the sororities time to persuade them, deferred rush can work very well. At schools were rush is more tied up in superficial things (on both the PNMs' and sororities' sides), and many girls come into the school knowing they're going to rush, deferred rush will probably just up the number of girls who have their heart set on A or B or nothing at all (even though there are ten more sororities on campus). Different types of rush work better at different schools.

I know that where I grew up the Deb season is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Is it traditionally in the fall in North Carolina?

Ding ding ding! Right you are!

As a graduate of a deferred rush school -- I can completely back that statement up (although, some people actually come in with hopes for 3 groups, not just two)

I think that's a bad side effect, because TONS of people drop out after second round, when they're cut from the places "they're meant to be" -- but at the same time, I think that deferred rush allows people to become students first.

I am a believer in " You will end up where you were meant to be" because I put my first choice down for the wrong reasons and I didn't get it, but now I thank God everyday I didn't get my first choice because they are not what they seem during rush (if that makes sense) and my chapter is my second family. The girl I was rushing with got my first choice and ended up dropping out right after initiation, me I'm a proud Alumnae. I can see where everyone is coming from when they say maybe it isn't always true that girls don't always end up where they were meant to.

Okay, I'll be honest.

I didn't end up where I was meant to be.

I rushed a non-NPC sorority and signed my bid before I had any idea what Formal rush and NPC sororities were.

Does my sorority offer me everything I wish it could? No. Looking back, would I have done things differently? Of course.

BUT... everyone who has said here, your life in your sorority is what you make it, is absolutely right. I fell in love with my sisters, and my chapter. I can't imagine having gone through college without them. I'd like to beleive I was an asset to my chapter... I held several offices, including President. All because I decided that if this was the sorority I was going to be in, then I was going to enjoy it... and I did. I loved it. If you take the attitude that you can't be happy in ABC sorority... you won't be. But if you look at the bright side of life, and make the most of what you're given... you will lead a much more pleasant life.

Ok, I'll bite. What I have to say isn't directly related to the question, but it's something that the other stories posted in this thread made me think about--the Fate thing. I had some unusual circumstances surrounding my experience. I think it has made me a more dedicated member, because I know that I could have easily missed out.

I went through recruitment last fall. The very first party of the very first round that I went to was Delta Zeta. I came out of there KNOWING that was where I belonged. I went to all the other parties and enjoyed some of them, but I still believed DZ was where I belonged.

I was cut by all 5 sororities before the first round of invitationals. Word got around about a "Panhellenic computer glitch," which I thought was a nice way of saying, "Sorry you got cut, but too bad." Turns out, there really WAS a Panhellenic computer glitch, and at least 20 girls (in a rush of 100) were "cut" by all the chapters. About the same amount of girls left rush after not getting invites back to the chapters they liked the most. So I think maybe 2 chapters were at total at the end of FR.

I was also hurt that I wasn't offered a snap bid by one of the chapters that I liked (especially DZ). I did find out later that DZ didn't snap bid me, because they assumed that I had been offered a bid by another chapter.

I was invited to a COB for DZ right after FR. When I talked to the VP of Membership, she asked me what had happened during rush, and I told her that I hadn't gotten any invites. She was speechless for a minute, which is extremely unusual for her! :D So, anyway, I was offered a bid and the rest is history.

DZ was a smaller organization, but that appealed to me, because I'm a quiet person, and I'm only likely to speak up and speak out when I think I'll be heard. When I look back at my second and third choices, I realize that I would never have fit in at those chapters. There's nothing wrong with them, but they just aren't "me." Even though the circumstances were weird, I believe that I truly ended up where I belonged, even though DZ was my first choice from Day 1. So I think Fate did come into play at least a little in my case, since after I was cut, I thought I'd never be a Delta Zeta...and look at me now! :D

I think instead of "you'll end up in the house you were meant to be in," it's better to say "you'll end up with the result that was meant to be at this time, even if you don't realize it yet." Maybe that person is meant to be an independent. Maybe that person is meant to be cut this year, because she'll rush again and have a better experience next year. Maybe she's meant to COB an org that she had to cut the first round.

I'm a big believer in God (or fate, if you're not religious) having a plan for us that we don't necessarily know about yet. If I hadn't edged into Delta Chi Epsilon by invitation of my big-sis-to-be, I think I would have been cut in formal recruitment. Instead, my chapter affiliated with ADPi three years after I graduated, and I was able to become an alumna initiate. Even though the chapter closed, I have been able to get involved with the alumnae association. So things happen for a reason; we and the PNMs just don't necessarily know it yet.

I think the "You'll end up where you were meant to be" is more of the GC-equivalent of a "virtual/online" pat on the back. Let's just try to eliminate it, and tell the PNMs "Good luck, we're here if you have any questions, call the Greek Life office at your school, and remember, this is about making friends. Enjoy this experience!"

My theory in life is that you have good days, and you have bad days. All the events of those days shape who you are as a human being, and ultimately, there are no regrets. I do believe that all things happen for a reason, and sometimes it is not until days, weeks, months or even years later that you discover "why." So whether you get your 1st choice, 7th choice, or you choose not to be in a sorority, your life will go on and you will be a happy person.

If you could not see yourself at XYZ sorority, then don't twist your guts in a knot over the decision. If it's not something you want to do... don't do it! You have free will to do as you please! Don't sign that bid card! Honestly, though, as we all say, if you really want to get into "a sorority," you must keep your options open. It is a mutual selection process, and there will be rejection on both sides. The other chapters don't know who is cutting you; they only know they you have cut them or they have cut you. It's not a conspiracy, I promise.

To our PNM's: ENJOY YOUR TIME IN COLLEGE!!!!! If you don't like the sorority you pledged, that's ok. It's not the end of the world. There are dozens of ways to get involved on campus and make new friends. You have to do what is right for you. Sorority recruitment can be difficult because there's some rejection involved. It's a great life lesson that you will experience throughout your time on this earth. Above all, you're here on GC to learn more about sorority life because it is something you are interested in. Good for you. Go check it out. There's nothing to lose by trying something new.

I am curious...
coming from an sec school I completely understand the situation that a lot of girls are in when they go through recruitment. When I went through I preffed at 3 houses one of which I absolutely loved and 2 of which I liked but they were not my tops. When I opened my bid I got my #2 choice, something that happens all of the time to many many girls. I debated forever about whether or not I would be happy at a house that wasn't my first choice and whether or not it would be fair to my future sisters. Luckily for me I opened my heart and jumped right in and was happier than I ever thought, and YES! it is possible to end up where you belong. NOw looking back I can't ever imagine what it would be like to be any where else. As for the strong vs. weak... I really believe that a lot of girls are unhappy where they ended up because they are going off of hearsay from older guys/girls about a certain house and are not keeping an open mind... you know... "XYZ is supposed to really suck god I hope I don't get invited back there" or just talk after the parties "XXX's refreshments/skit/girls/outfits/house/etc/ was awesome!... Oh you didnt get asked back there... OHHHH.... well they were great." you would be dissapointed too If everyone was talking about their great experiences (and maybe a little jealous) I think this clouds the minds of many pnm's and then when they go back to houses that they WERE invited back to they sulk/pout/and generally just shut down. The best way to get cut is when the girl who is rushing you thinks you are dissapointed that you were asked back and not honored. Especially at sec schools where there are 10 houses and some girls don't get invited back to any after the first day.

I'm a big believer in fate, so I really do think everyone ends up where they're meant to be. And for some girls, even the pretty, popular homecoming queens, that may mean they weren't meant to be in a sorority.

When I think back about college, its as if different pieces of a puzzle just fell together. I was not at all interested in joining a sorority in high school and was actually looking for campuses where there was no greek system. But at the last minute I decided to go to Oregon. I didn't do fall rush because I was still pretty anti-greek, but a friend of mine begged me to go through spring rush with her. I had no intention of joining a house but I ended up falling in love with two chapters.

When I joined Sigma Kappa, the other girls in my rush group wanted to know why I joined "that" house. It wasn't a bad chapter, but they were a little smaller and they just weren't as popular. But it was definitely where I was the most comfortable. I had opportunities in Sigma Kappa that I don't think I would have had in the bigger chapters. I gained a lot of leadership experience and I also gained confidence. I also got my first post-college job because of one of my sorority sisters. So yeah, I think it was meant to be.

My Turn
 

I'm a huge believer in fate and everything, but from my personal experience fate and I haven't been on the same page. I went through formal my freshman year as the worst PNM! No joke! I was cocky, rude, and stuck up! No wonder why 6 out of the 7 sororities dropped me! However, I ended up dropping out of formal because I didn't want to be in the "nerdy sorority." Yes, the only local sorority at Kent State was either considered non-existent or nerdy.

I went through informal for 5 out of the 7 sororities. Some of which, I understood why I didn't a bid (we weren't really "feeling" each other), but I had my heart set on ABC- especially when they did their pref ceremony during informal and I about bawled! I felt so welcome and at home! Turns out I didn't get a bid and I was crushed.

I knew the local sorority still wanted me so I went through their informal looking for letters (note: still a cocky freshman) and got a bid. I poured my heart into the sorority only to quit a year later and see the chapter fold.

Now, I know I don't have the time or money to be in a sorority and yet I want to so badly! I know which sororities on my campus I would like to be in, if everything else in my life fell into place, and I started to consider bringing in another national that I admire. Currently, I feel stuck between my priorities and my personal wants. So unless fate wants me to do AI, I am just another wanna-be putting in my 2 cents every once in awhile on GreekChat.

I too am a believer that you will end up where you should be. I went through recruitment as a sophomore, so I knew all the stories and all the reputations of the 11 houses on my campus. I went in with my heart set on ABC, and wanted nothing to do with ADPi (it seems crazy for me to say that now). ADPi was the last house I went to on the first day, and it made me feel good that the girls were still so excited to meet me after a VERY logn day and 10 other parties full of 60+ PNMs. I was broken hearted when I got cut from ABC, but I still had ADPi, and as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, I felt very at home there. I had one member who made sure to talk to me every day, and she really made me see that I should give it a try. I knew that if I didn't, I would always wonder. By that time I had decided that being GREEK was more important to me than anything. I pledged, and it took no time at all for me to realize that it really was where I belonged. I love ADPi and I have my sorority to thank for so much- including the best friends I could ever have.

There is alot that we don't think about when we go through recruitment. I do think that girls will end up where they are meant to be, even if that may not be their first choice.

I tell people that I may not have ended up where I thought I would, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be. :)

I believe that you'll end up where you are meant to be. I was absolutely crushed when I was cut from my mom's sorority, and considered dropping out of recruitment because I had been cut from my 2nd and 3rd choices as well. When I pledged, I was a bit uncertain, but I would not change a single thing about pledging Alpha Xi. I really understand the quote "it's not what you've become, it's what you've always been," especially after going through recruitment from "the other side" and looking at all the rituals and symphony and ideals of AZD. I have matured, but the ideals that my parents gave me for my life are all reflected in my sorority.

I'm a believer in ending up where you were meant to be. This might be a bit long:

Freshman year I wanted to be Greek, but didn't know which sorority I wanted to be in. I decided to rush, but I dropped after first round, figuring that all those sororities were all " just a bunch of stuck up white girls" who wanted nothing to do with a Black girl.

I chose to focus on other things for most of that year. I did become a sister of the Kappa Phi Club for Christian women soon after school started. It was great. Fun and fellowship with other young Christian women.

Sophomore year I still wanted to be Greek. I kept my grades up and pursued an org I liked- XYZ. They were awesome, although I secretly wondered whether I'd fit in there.

In the winter of that year, things happened and I decided not to pursue XYZ anymore. I always wondered whether some of XYZ's practices went against my religious beliefs. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't pursue them any further b/c it was later confirmed that things were going on over @ XYZ that I wouldn't have agreed with if I'd decided to pursue them further.

Fast forward to Spring of this year. I still really wanted to be Greek, but now I really wasn't sure what sorority I wanted. It was in the middle of COB time where all the other sororities have their informal rush. I saw Sigma's ad in the Greek Beats section of the paper. I was hesitant, but after some encouragement by a few of my Kappa Phi sisters I went to my 1st event......for the rest of the story see Greekchat's Spring 2004 rush thread :)

I'm glad I made the choice I did. I really believe this is what was meant for me. :)

At Bama, it's all about being in certain houses that are ABLE to win Homecoming Queen...it cycles through every 12 years or so that a girl from a certain chapter in this group will win Homecoming Queen.

I got cut from "ABC" the first round, and ended up in Kappa... I couldn't be happier! Though it took my Rho Gamma lots of convincing mid-week just to get me to stay in recruitment, lol.

while some may believe in
 

the fickle finger of fate, and others may not, the gist of this post is to advise us NOT to tell pnms what we believe in (or don't). do we honestly believe that by answering a devastated pnm poster, who was not invited back to a single party, with a "well, it was meant to be", that that is going to make her feel better? a more compassionate post would be "oh, i am so sorry." short & sweet.
it is all that needs to be said, and will not leave a pnm feeling worse than she already does. Lisa

ps: thanks to whomever revived this thread. as recruitment fast approaches, we need these reminders.

I'm quoting this because James hit the nail on the head back then...let's remember that this thread was started in January 2002...

just had to say something...
 

I know some people think it's bad to tell PNM's that they'll end up where they were meant to be, but I think it's what they need to hear. I got cut from every single house last semester, and while I was at first disappointed, I realized that I wasn't ready at the time to be in a sorority. I had some more soul-searching (and studying!) to do. I'm rushing again, and if I get cut again from every group, I'll come to my senses and realize that maybe Greek life isn't the life for me.

I'm not insulting Greeks at all, but getting into sorority isn't the be-all end-all for enjoying my college experience--(just something that I hope will be rewarding for me). I would love to get a bid, but if I don't, I won't be bitter about it and I'll even stay friendly and cordial to all the sisters I met. There's no reason to hold grudges against them. I just wasn't meant to be in a sorority with them, that's all.

Even if a PNM gets a bid from a sorority she hated, she'll eventually realize it and either drop out or work her hardest to make that GLO her home. So it all does work out in the end even if you didn't see it in the beginning.

I might be missing the point here, but that's what I've learned from being a rush reject. I got cut for a reason, and that's OK.

When a door closes, a window opens.

That's the bottom line of this long-winded post.

Things have a way of working themselves out. Greek Life isn't for everyone, but life goes on. Enjoy recruitment week, and just promise yourself that you're going to take this year at college to really embrace the school-- do well in your studies and get involved on campus. If that means Greek Life, great. But there are at least 100 other wonderful clubs and organizations where you would also be a great fit. And the best part is-- you can be part of multiple groups, if you choose-- Greek Life, student gov't, Chocolate Club, Sushi Club, Intramural Softball, Pre-Med Society, Golden Key Scholars-- this is your college experience! So get out there and experience it!

I had a totally different experience than most-
I could have gone to the top sorority at my school (when you think of homecoming queen, most popular, etc). I had an "in" if you will... but I straight up told them I didn't want to be there. I wasn't comfortable, and they were not my home.
The only sorority other than Alpha Gam that I considered was KD. They were the largest chapter on our campus and considered the best overall chapter. Good grades, very involved, sweet and fun to be around. Thankfully they cut me before pref. I liked them, but in the end I chose one of the two smallest houses to go to. I loved Alpha Gam and the women I met there.
I knew I could have gone ABC and be in a sorority considered one of the best and hardest to get in to, but I didn't want that.
I wanted Alpha Gam.
Even years later I have friends that asked why I cut ABC and I told them because my heart would never have been there and I would have quit after joining.
My heart and my home were with AGD all along.

Was it one of the "top"houses? Nope.
Did I care?
Nope!
In the end I know that I am an intelligent, decent human with a lot to offer a sisterhood. I don't care if people thought I joined a smaller, or not as good, house. I had opportunities most people never get and I still remain very close to my chapter and my sisters- something I know most of the women in other sororities don't do.

In my mind I wasn't joining just THETA IOTA I was joining an international sisterhood. College is too short a period in life to fret over being in the "right" house.
I can't believe that there are even adult women with children that would fret over that knowing that college is so quick and over so fast, at least let the women going through rush be happy.

its not so much being in the right house
 

but being in the house that is right for you!! obviously, you based your decision on what was right for you and that is wonderful. one of my very best friends at fsu was an alpha gam, and alpha gam was the right choice for her too. beth could have joined zeta, but her heart was with agd. i could have joined agd, but my heart was with zta. did it diminish our brand new friendship?no. different folks have different criteria. that's life.

i don't think that most pnms are going thru recruitment looking at the "big picture." they are concentrating on the chapters on their campus.

and as for mothers wanting their children in certain houses, i would LOVE for my high school daughter to pledge zta when she goes off to college. but i am smart enough to realize that she will have to make her own decision based on her own criteria. and if i choose to post her recruitment experience, and your sorority has a chapter on that campus, i hope that you all will not be insulted if my daughter does not choose to join that chapter, just as i will not be insulted if she doesn't choose zta.

Originally posted by James
"You'll end up where you were meant to be . . ."

When I read that it sounds either amazingly fatalistic or terifically condscending.

If the relationship was meant to work out it would have or will . . despite what we do . . .

Well gee, if you got cut from every house except the one that no one wants to join, you must be meant to be with them!

Destiny or a perfect match!

I hope no one actually tells people this to reassure them. It would be pretty evil.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I'm quoting this because James hit the nail on the head back then...let's remember that this thread was started in January 2002...

I just reread this and I have to disagree, with both James and Carnation.
If a person gets cut from all the houses but one- i am not saying that it means they are meant to be "with that one" but rather lets say what is THE TRUTH-
all the other houses didn't want you to be a sister badly enough to ensure it and thus the one house that DID want you around enough to make sure you were invited and/or returned might be worth looking into.

Just another perspective.

How could you disagree with me? :eek:

it doesn't always mean
 

that houses don't want you when pnm's are cut. it can mean that they had to cut a percentage of pnm's and you were someone who didn't have a rec. or who was not easily remembered. it can also be the result of a terrible mistake,i.e. my senior year i was a recruitment counselor. the daughter of a tri delta national officer ,who also had a sister in the tri delt chapter at fsu was going thru recruitment. she preffed tri delt and 2 others, but everyone knew she was going tri delt. well guess what? her name mistakenly was left off their(tri deltas) first bid list, and she was on the first bid list of her 2nd choice. boy! what a mess!! luckily, both groups did the above board thing and she was allowed to pledge tri delta. so you see, mistakes can happen!!

You summed this one up very well. This is exactly what happens at my school and one of the reasons why I do not think deferred recruitment would work there. The stereotypes of each chapters become too well known, even though they are not true at all from what i have seen. I have heard bad enough things in front of the houses before parties- and these are things that the PNMs manage to find out BEFORE school even begins. :eek:

I guess if it this holds true, then I'm right-I'm not good enough to be greek and I'm not meant to be. Therefore, I'm not in a sorority.

Not everyone is meant to be Greek... Get over your little pity-party and start living life. :rolleyes: Find something else to occupy your time instead of posting lame posts.

So what if I say you're right? Happy now? That's what you've been waiting for someone to say. Thanks, glad I could help...I hope you feel important now. :rolleyes:

Here in the middle of second semester recruitment, I want to bring this thread up again! Any more views?

I rushed last year during Spring Formal. I got CUT. At first I was upset, but now that I think about it I really wouldn't have fit in at all with any of the NPC's on my campus. I saw a flyer for a multicultural that's being established, and I went to the info meeting. Long story short, I spent a whole semester being a interest and doing all the fundraisers, meetings...and I'm glad I did. Alpha Phi Omega's starting up here too, and I'm also interested in it as well.

I'm where I need to be because I wanted to be involved in Greek Life, but wasn't really satisfied with the little my school has to offer. So I decided to look for something else.

I dunno... I think that it's sad to say that girls are going to be disappointed because where they were "meant to be" is in a sorority that's about to fold. I was thrilled when I got a bid into Delta Gamma (I'm talking, jumping up and down hugging my friends) and made the absolute most of it. I got active on campus, used it as a stepping stone to get to know other people in greek life, and ended up on several different "important" committees and as a member of exec. And yet, our chapter closed. And at the end of it, as sad as I was, I could look back and be thrilled that I still know that I pledged the chapter where I was "meant to be." Oh, and I personally think I'm one of those cute, active, personable girls that make great PNM's and later sorority members. Sure, noone wants to get into a sorority just to have it fold on them, and I'm not saying that, but I also wasn't comfortable with the "big" sororities on campus, even though I ended up having a lot of friends with girls in them. We had a rho chi once that told girls to go where they could imagine late nights in pajamas talking. I feel like that's the best advice ever. Even though I have friends in other sororities, those are the friends that I go to meetings with and out to 5 points with. The fond memories that I have with DG are the "boys suck" cakes after a bad break-up and the delirious nights when we put kool-aid in the shower heads. And there are some of you who are sitting there thinking how stupid that is... and that's my point. I'm not 100% sure that I could have had that somewhere else. And nothing, not even a chapter closing, can take that away.

At some schools, well at least at LSU, so many girls go through rush and end up without a home simply because they just fell through the cracks of the system. All of the chapters at LSU have rules stating that if they've cut you, they can never reconsider you for membership, guaranteeing that they'll never have a place on sorority row. Is this where these girls were meant to be?

I'm one of those girls. Many people told me that I'd end up where I was meant to be, so to me, it sounds like I was not destined to join a sorority. Just my $.02. I wish everyone would stop saying that...