Part of the nice thing about being in a relationship is that you can offend each other (to a degree), and they're still gonna be there and work it out with you.

Please. Even friends offend each other from time to time - but the nice thing is that if you're close enough and you trust each other enough not to be complete jerks then you can work it out.

Wake up, sweetie. If he hasn't changed in five years, he's not going to. This relationship can either exist in its current state, or not exist at all. He's not going to change himself for you.

Stop worrying if he'll be offended and leave. If you stand up for yourself, of course he'll be offended. Of course he'll leave. And if he doesn't leave, you need to. Otherwise, you're teaching him that all he has to do is threaten to break it off and you'll submit. Because that's what you're doing. He's like a toddler throwing a tantrum, and you're giving him his way every single time.

It sounds like you don't want the relationship to end. Are you happy being controlled? If not, you need to get out now.

The sad thing is, is that endings almost always suck, especially in relationships. As cliche as this is: think of it as a band aid. You really just have to rip it off.

So.....there is a NPHC information meeting coming up, and its a day that we would normally hangout. I'm going to tell him about it and ask him to come with me. If he says no, oh well, I'm still going!

Why even ask him to go with you?

Because normally we hang out on Tuesdays. I have 2 jobs and so does he.....so were sort of on a schedule.

I know!!! :D I just wanna give him a chance..........a chance to stand by my decision.

That's the problem. You don't get to make a decision according to what you said to us on GC... How will giving him a chance to "change his mind" will not work to your advantage.

How come you have to "beg and plead" with him like a petulant whiny child on what you want to do in your life?

I told him, he's crying, and he broke up with me and called me a groupie.

Oh but it is getting him somewhere! It's been getting him somewhere for five years and you've been putting up with it!

You don't. You just speak calmly, clearly and with conviction. Then you say, "I'm sorry" and effectively walk away.


Is he keeping you in mind while you make decisions?


It's not bad that you're trying to be "considerate"; it's bad that the shoe isn't on the other foot and I don't feel confident he would do the same for you if it was. In fact, by your own words, you've gone on and on about how he is stubborn and only wants things his way in spite of you already having spoken with him about this. At this point in the relationship, "trying to be a good example for him" is probably a waste of time.

.....Kelly :)

Ah! I see you posted an update while I was giving an opinion. Good for you for making the decision!

.....Kelly :)

So....he says i have no integrity......and he says that i just want to be a part of something. My reasons aren't "real" enough to him, and he says that i said i would never go through some of the stuff when it was 1st brought to my attention.....now, just to be a part of something i will.

I keep telling him he just doesn't get it.

Sweetie, I had to reply to your post (normally I just lurk LOL). How can this "man" say you have no integrity just because YOU are doing something that YOU feel will enrich your life? :confused: Many others have said it -- you have a big time control freak on your hands, and when he broke up with you and called you a groupie, he did you a favor. If he can't support you and your dreams, he is a LIABILITY, not an asset. He sounds like he needs a much weaker woman in his life than the one he has. Don't make that change for the worst, because the one that will suffer in the end is you. You didn't refer to this man as your husband, so honestly, who gives a flying fig what he wants when it comes to your life and your decisions? You'll be in your sorority forever -- no relationship is a guarantee!

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours, and I hope you'll keep us abreast of your progress. :)

I feel that it makes me a lot stronger to go ahead, say im doing it, and take it from there. But as you said....it can enrich my life......he feels that a strong person doesn't need to get in a sorority for any of the reasons people do, and it can all be done without.....people are just so interested in being seen.

He was hurt....