Trust issues are the WORST reason to move in together. If you don't trust eachother, BREAK UP - don't monitor eachother's activity. That doesn't build trust, it builds resentment and MORE distrust.

Most cohabitated couples won't last.

Moving in together and planning a 2011 wedding is basically a guarantee that there will be no wedding. If the wedding can wait a few more years, so should living together.

I wonder if there would have been a way to foresee it living together but without the additional stress of mortgage and children? I don't know.

I see your point, but I think the example you give is not a problem with pre-marital counseling but, noting the part of your quite I bolded, with him. He wasn't honest with you or with whoever was doing the counseling (or perhaps with himself). Whether it's pre-marital counseling, living together or marriage, you only get out of it what you and he put into it.

I know that with our pre-marital counseling (required by the church before we could be married), we had to do quite a few personality inventories and the like. We were just discussing last week, after 19 years of marriage, how the "danger areas" identified in our pre-marital counseling really are the areas that have been most challenging for us over the years.

I was going to say if Dee & her hubby had lived together, they would have probably had the same problems unless they kept their finances entirely separate.

Pretty much, look at how your SO's parents handle money...and you'll get a good preview of how he/she will do so. That's one lesson I fortunately learned very early.

Jocelyn, there's no way in hell your friend's going to get married, and if she does, no way it'll last 6 months. "Prodding" does not lead to successful marriages.

My law practice will probably be majority family law. That said, I am thrilled about the trend where people move in together prior to marriage, have babies, and quickly get divorced. I am even more thrilled that most of these people don't learn that this is not smart the first time they do it.

That said, my wife, who at the time, I had been with for 5 years, moved in with me a year prior to our wedding. For us, it worked. For anyone else? The statistics seem to point out that your chances of a successful relationship at that point are decreased.

-- but what is your goal? A long term relationship? Or a roommate who shares your bed?

Kevin is waiting to cash everyone's checks. :(

But on a more socially significant note, this says a lot about family breakdown and the impact on children (if there are any).

You have my sympathy. :D

In isn't that bad. We did have a client commit suicide this week, but it's been an unusually bad week.

Yikes. I just don't have domestic law in me.

OK, if you (not you personally lilsunshine, I'm talking to anyone/everyone) are still at the point in your relationship where you feel you must straighten up the whole apartment before your bf/gf comes over, you are NOT ready to move in with him/her. That would be a sign to me that I wasn't comfortable enough with him yet, or for some reason I didn't think he would accept any flaws. Unless that's the way you usually keep your apartment, it's a facade, and there are obviously problems with the relationship if you feel you must keep the facade up.

Again, I KNOW my boyfriend and certainly know how he keeps his apartment. I know he keeps every knicknack given to him and that he doesn't load his dishes into the dishwasher in a timely manner. And I don't need to live with him full time to know that stuff. I also don't need to live with him to know how he manages his finances, because we TALK about that kind of stuff. I know how much money he makes and how much his bills cost, and I even know how much he puts in his 401k...and we didn't have to move in together to learn that stuff.

My point is that before you move in with someone, you should already know all this stuff about them. If you're not at the point in your relationship where you feel comfortable being yourself around him/her, you're either not ready yet or that person isn't the right person for you.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but isn't that the polite thing to do? If you're not living with your significant other, then when they visit, you're having company over. Maybe it's just me, but I clean up for everyone...my friends, significant other, parents, etc., and I hardly think thats a sign of "obvious problems with the relationship."

There's a difference between having the place looking presentable, and having it so clean you could eat off the floor. I mean, I don't think a cup and saucer in the sink or an unmade bed is something you should feel you need to "hide" from a longtime boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people are neater than others, but if it's at the point where you're saying you don't want him to come over because the house isn't perfect, THAT means you have relationship problems.

^^^
Ahhhh...got it.

That was well-worded and I agree with you.