I'm getting married in a little under 2 months(!!) and I'm also a bridesmaid for my Big's wedding in the fall.

My four bridesmaids (my biological/Kappa sister, my Big, one of my Littles, and another close friend/Kappa sister) are all young professionals and grad students with very little money to burn. We also all live in different parts of the country. So, I'm doing everything I can to make it as affordable as possible. We ordered dresses on Etsy for $125 apiece, and I'm giving them their jewelry and paying for their updos. They can pick their shoes and do their own makeup if they wish. Since the wedding is at a family property I have arranged for them (and their dates) to stay in guest rooms and we will take care of transportation to and from the airport.

The shower is being thrown by my family in another state and it's optional for them to attend. Because of the cost for all of us to do a destination bachelorette we are all coming out a few days early for the wedding weekend and doing a low-key girls night a few days before the wedding because that's what worked best for everyone.

Would I have liked to have a big bachelorette weekend somewhere? Sure! But I would have felt awful feeling like I was putting all of them out for cash they don't have, and what we have planned now will be tons of fun. Honestly, I wish I could have covered more of their expenses but I can't swing it.

For the wedding I'm a bridesmaid in the situation is similar: geographically spread out young professionals and college students with not much to spend. We'll all be traveling for both the wedding and a bachelorette weekend a few months prior, but the bride and MOH have been very sensitive to issues of cost. One of the bridesmaids straight up told everyone she doesn't have the cash to cover the bride's expenses for the bachelorette so the rest of the 'maids are working on covering her portion. It was awkward, but at least it's an open conversation among reasonable adults. No one is demanding that people spend beyond their means.

Those are my most recent experiences. ASTalumna, I can't fathom why a bride would demand that her closest friends spend themselves into a hole... I would be mortified to put the friends I care about most in a situation like that. Is she aware that this is a stretch for you? If not, would you feel comfortable talking to her or the MOH about it?

Littleowl, you are awesome!! The bride of the wedding I was in had the attitude, "well, you agreed to be a bridesmaid, you pay for everything, you knew this when you said yes". Nevermind that she and her fiance were the only people in our group to have finished school completely, with everyone else paying for grad school. You are thoughtful and wonderful brides, ladies!

I agree. I've been on a few different wedding message board like weddingwire and theknot. It always surprises me when people bit... I mean complain, about their maids not following every little command. Perhaps it's because I'm not type A?

I always wonder why more grooms don't re-think their choices when they see their fiancees treating friends/family like trash. Marry a Bridezilla at your (and your children's) peril.

I got married 2 years ago, and my bridesmaids were all from different states, and the wedding wasn't even in my home town! I sent a swatch of the color of the tulle swag we were using, and asked them to find a dress that they liked, knee to tea length, and silver shoes. I took care of their jewelry. I was able to get a block of rooms at a very reasonable hotel, and we all agreed that a simple girls night dinner was better than an extravaganza. As we chatted, we discovered that none of the bridesmaids spent more than $400 total, and I was thrilled to hear it!

I've been a bridesmaid several times, and trust me, I didn't have to travel to any of them and STILL spent well over $500 each time! An inconsiderate bride doesn't make for lasting friendships.

Where I come from, wedding showers are hosted by people who are close to the bride who offer to do so. That's not what you signed up for and you need to make that clear. To manage the bride's (and MOH's) expectations about your shower participation, respond just like any other "guest" -- that you regret that you can't join them for the shower and that it sounds like tons of fun, but that you are looking forward to seeing them at the wedding itself. Then have the horrible BM dress shipped to you in Texas so you can get the alterations done. If they get bitchy, that's a sign to back out of the whole wedding. Instead, go the other weddings you had mentioned you had to pass on because of finances.

Over the years I've been a flower girl, jr BM, BM (several times), and a MOH. But my all-time favorite wedding role has been as the on-site wedding coordinator. I got to teach the ushers how to usher (seriously), help position the BMs and groomsmen during the rehearsal in the church, and then cue each attendant on when to enter during the actual ceremony. It was the perfect role for someone who likes to control things behind the scenes, and I didn't have to buy a fluffy pastel dress! Not surprisingly, that bride (who happens to be an OPA sister) and I are still super close even though we've moved to opposite ends of the country. We're closer to each other than we are to our blood sisters.