Scandia, the truth of the matter is that you have conflicting values that may make it hard for you to find a long-term partner. On one hand, you want a virgin. On the other hand, you want a guy who doesn't want to have his own children. By the time that most men reach your age or older, if they are virgins, that usually means that they have very conservative value and more often than not would want to raise a big family (don't believe in abortion, birth control, etc.). Men like that would not be intrested in a woman who didn't want to have kids.

Bichonl- well, I did try eHarmony for a month once, and I will be rejoining once I turn 30. I am just leaving this last year of my 20s to do 20-something things better enjoyed while single.

AOPiBrandy- I am not sure what you mean by throwing out a list. There is a difference between requiring, say, blue eyes...and requiring someone who has a similar intelligence level and religious/moral values as you do. While not being a virgin may not be an automatic dealbreaker, many partners, being promiscuous, or having children is harder to deal with.

KLPDaisy- I find fumbling on your wedding night to be very romantic. I'm strange like that. I am a fence sitting moderate. I cannot be the lone fluke that God did not put in a mold like every other human being that has existed.
I had never thought of the angle you presented- but then, I am not extremely conservative.

But Scandia, being a virgin in your late twenties IS an extremely conservative choice in our society. I'm not passing judgment, believe me, but when like 90% of Americans engage in premarital sex you are most likely going to attract very religious, very conservative men -- which is okay if that's what you want! However, if that's not the type of man you're hoping to attract, your experience parameters are going to make your search incredibly difficult.

I don't know how many partners is too many, but even my most conservative and/or religious guy friends have had at least a few partners by the age of 27 or so (mostly in the context of long-term dating or engagement). If they were virgins until they married, they married YOUNG -- 19-21. Those men may share your values, but if they're on the market they're probably divorced. It's not that there are few good men left, as you put it in an earlier post, they just have a different value system from you. I'm not passing judgment on your values system at all, I think you should stick to your guns about the experience thing but just know that your parameters are sort of difficult for men in their mid-late 20s to fulfill.

I have also found this to be the case. I either date him or I'm friends with him. If there's no chemistry/attraction on a date, it's way too awkward for me to try to turn that into a friendship, and I don't like to confuse the two.

Technically, not being a virgin would not be a dealbreaker for me. But the less partners/experience you have, the better you will score for me. Some people prefer someone who is experienced in the sexual realm- but I don't.

i admire your convictions.

that being said, i got the feeling from reading your posts that you might be hoping for a " virginal knight in shining armor, to ride up on his charger, sweep you off your feet, and you live happily ever after." if what i picked up is correct, i am afraid that if will be difficult for you to meet the "man of your dreams." romantic notions rarely materialize in real life. that is a romance novel.

i do think that you can find a man who is a good,responsible person, who will love you and support(be in your corner) you, whom you will love and enjoy being with. with the criteria you listed, it will take time. you may find that you have to compromise-not "settle"-but perhaps relax some of your requirements.

you should feel a spark-you should want the minutes to fly by until the next time you can see him. you want to feel butterflies in your stomach when you speak to him on the phone. you want to daydream about him.

don't put a time/age limit on yourself(i want to be married by the time i am xx). there are too many extenuating circumstances that you cannot control.

i don't know if anyone else experienced this, but in my dating life, when i was looking for a "boyfriend", it never seemed to work out. however, when i became content to be by myself and enjoyed having a quiet evening at home with a "girly" movie or a good book, or going out with girlfriends, guys were falling all over themselves to gain my attention. maybe it was a vibe i unknowingly gave off-whatever, it was strange.

if you don't feel a spark for you friend, don't keep going out with him on dates. i have heard of relationships where the guy and girl were friends, hung out and then over time discovered their feelings had become romantic towards each other. i do not know anyone where this happened.

i really think that once you feel the spark, all the other things will fall into place. just relax, take your time, and if it is meant to be, it will be. go with your feelings-seek the spark.

This is starting to remind me of a quote.

"I didn't lose my virginity until I knew what I was doing." - Madonna

Wow! I think you summed it up perfectly! :)

When I was looking, I could never find anybody. When I wasn't... poof... enter the current boyfriend! Good things happen when you least expect them too!

FSUZeta- beautiful post in every way. :) I don't even read romance novels, so I sure do not want someone to sweep me off my feet. I am certainly not a damsel in distress waiting to be rescued- I lead a very full life in many ways and pursue many adventures (AI being one of them). I just want someone special to share it with.

I will need to start a thread about what is the exact difference between "negotiating", "compromising", and "settling". Not only is it hard to distinguish them at times, but English is not my first language, so that adds to confusion.

Also less partners doesn't equal less experience. This reminds me of a W&G episode..... :)

Something happened this morning that led me to clinch for sure that I have absolutely no romantic feelings for the guy I went on 3 dates with recently.

Even if absolutely nothing comes out of what happened, it has led me to know for sure that I do want and need the sparks and feelings. While they are not the only thing, and perhaps not the most important thing, they HAVE to be present. Otherwise it is just another platonic friendship.

Scandia,
You are gainfully employed, so why not try one of those professional match making services? For a couple hundred dollars, you tell the rep what exactly you want in a guy. They match you up based on what you specify- no kids, no marriage, not a lot of sexual experience, etc. You won't have to do any of the work, unlike Match or Eharmony. (Although I'd still like to see you back on Eharmony 'cause that's where you'll probably have the most success with the computer.)

Have you tried any Catholic social groups? Catholic social groups don't necessarily attract practicing Catholics- often, they are "cultural Catholics" who want to keep a Catholic identity. See what young adult groups the local parishes have. Theology on Tap has brought people together, too. PM me for more info on any of this.

I've met a few Catholic men over the years who aren't *that* sexually experienced and would be willing to compromise on not having kids. At the same time, they will probably want to fool around, if not have premarital sex. I don't know if that's going to be a dealbreaker for you.

Anyway, Happy New Year and many you find true love in 2007!

Catholic men having premarital SEX? OH TEH HORROR!!!:p

I don't know any guys at my Catholic highschool that had premarital sex.

Ok, I'll stop lying now.

BichonL- I am in a large Catholic social group and have gone to various rounds of Theology on Tap. I have met many good friends there of both genders. But no luck in romance so far, believe it or not. I have not met ANYONE special in ANY of the church groups I have belonged to, for some reason. It would be fantastic if I could meet someone like whom you describe- but it has not happened so far.

I was in a dating service back when I first started teaching. I did date one person from it for 3 dates- but it did not work out due to mutual lack of chemistry and things being rough in my life otherwise. It was really expensive and it was not easy to go to the central. Plus they did no matchmaking- all searching was on your own. Yes, it was the infamous one that many people have complained about its being a rip-off.

As I have stated in another thread, perhaps the indirect way did not work.

I have met someone new that I am interested in, and will be having to make a clean break with this previous guy in order to let him know for sure and thus achieve closure.