Don't count my marriage as successful just yet, I have only been married since late July, lol. But so far its been a success, lol!

Congrats to all the newly engaged. The engagement is a very exciting time, but please do not forget to use this time to examine yourselves and your fiances and to lay yourselves before God for His divine knowledge and wisdom. Prepare yourself, you are in for the ride of your life (this 8 monther can tell you that much!)

Very interesting article and I agree with alot of yalls points

Angel and Bajan congratulations!! Are yall gonna be 07 brides with me? :p

DC Zeta,

Wait a minute! You're on CB, aren't you? (I'm lovecalls!) ;)

Sure am! :p

I recognize your s/n you were almost my date twin :)

No we decided on a long engagement. We are probably going to go with August 08. I think that we all need to pray for strength during this process:D

A long engagement is not a bad thing. That will give you time to figure out the expenses for the wedding if you all choose to have a big one, deciding to purchase a home, etc.

And I agree, we have pray for strength. There have been many times I wanted to yell, especially recently at the rep from my venue, who neglected to inform me of certain details until 6 months later. I lost my deposit and thank God no other fees were paid, but there was no way I could continue doing business.

I'm hoping that a long engagement will help us work out a few kinks in the planning process as well as our relationship. I think that the number of us ladies that are engaged to be married is a positive thing. Marriage is definitely not just for white people. I do believe that with some patience and prayer relationships should be able to prosper (God knows i need patience with this man sometimes). Sadly people romantize the idea of marriage and picture it as a skip through the daisies. I love this man with everything I have but I refuse to let myself be taken for granted. I try to do everything that a good woman does but the minute that he lapses and starts to think that my actions are guaranteed I go on strike.

My cousin (a male) is having problems in his marriage. Unfortunately his wife does not appreciate the type of man that he is. She had the nerve to tell him that he doesn't get credit for the things he does for his family because it's stuff he is suppose to be doing anyway. Obviously she's never heard of positive reinforcement. He's not rich, scholarly or physically affectionate, but he's a good, hardworking man who loves his family and shows that love through his actions. What she needs is a man who doesn't care to go to his daughter's basketball games or care that they get shoes or anything of the sort. When she gets that she will realize what it is that she had.

To us ladies getting married to fabulous black men, i charge us with the responsibility of loving our men and appreciating their worth, while maintaining our self-respect and dignity.

PREACH IT!!!


Alot of people are more in love with the wedding as opposed to the marriage itself and I had an associate like that. Sad to say, they were separated within 6 months and later divorced. People need to realize that a marriage is not like a bf/gf relationship, its a totally different ballgame. My fiance and I will be going to counseling. No counseling=no wedding ceremony. I can't continue forward without it.

And about your cousin, thats not the first I have heard of that. I think its really sad that these women out here have good men, but dont know how to treat them. Yet there are so many great women who would love to be in her position. I guess because sometimes the men stay, they think they can run all over them and everything is gravy.


To all of those women who treat their men like crap, please find a man who will whisper sweet nothings in your ear and proceed to eff you over. At that point you shall realize what you used to have, and furthermore, you can't have it back. Sorry to go off on a tangent like that, but that ish sickens me.

I can't imagine not having premarital counseling. Many people say that it is really vital to the success of the marriage. I've heard the first 18 months are a deal breaker. And most people have said that counseling really opened their eyes. It's really easy to be all starry eyed and romantic, but you know there will be times where you want to chokeslam your future hubby. LOL!

I can't see how women stay with some of these losers

LOL. See... I don't really know any women who just henpeck their men to death. I know more who put up with BS.

I definitely agree with premarital counseling. My husband and I were blessed to have a husband and wife who are pastors counsel us.

I struggled for the longest with that fact that I am more outgoing and talkative then my husband. He's a TRUE techie and is very quiet and reserved. Going through premarital counseling showed us that it's nothing wrong with us having two opposite personalities. As a matter of fact we found out that our personalities actually complimented each other.

Some help...
 

There are these "courses" called "marriage enrichment" that couples can take. Most of them are religious-based. Some are secular.

This one is Christian-based:

Marriage Partnership

This one is Secularly-based:

The Gottman Institute

There are plenty of other ones. Just Google-search.

Anyhow, the thing I find disheartening is the lack of "maritial support" in all our respective historically African American organizations and churches.

Now, I am not trying to bash folks who have had issues in their situations, but what I am trying to say is that "where is the support" for those who want "make it" in their relationships? Where do they go other than when the problems get too tough to deal with?

I've been married for almost 3 years. We barely knew each other. And we eloped... His mother still has issues with me... And it has been a steep learning curve. But it has been some of the best years of my life, so far and I cannot imagine life without him. He's a good man. And, wow, I have dated some pretty chitty dudes, so I do know what a good man is like.

And where I live, it's tough to be with a Black man. So few of them, so many women--many not African American runnin' up under them and feeding egos, and life in general that gets to folks.

But, walking in the door, we already come at a deficit. Hardly any support for "SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP"--what is our paradigm? Who do WE have to "model" and "follow"--if not our folks, then who? And on television, not everything is what it seems...

Anywhoo: Congrats to Bajan!!! I am so happy for you... The best thing you can do is not only educate yourself about relationships in general, but to educate each other!!!

dang, i'm scared to get married.

Thanks for the support Monet. I am in no way scared to get married. I embrace the challenge. We've been together 5 years now and been living together for 3 of those 5 years. Though marriage is very different from "shacking up", I believe that you at least get a view of the real person. Do they pay their bills on time? Is that person messy or clean? Can they cook? Those kinds of things are important in a marriage.

More importantly, married or not, people change. I think the key to a successful marriage is to ensure that you change together. People always say that folks change for the worse once they get married, that is not necessarily the case. Sometimes people start to go in different directions, doesn't make them a bad person but they may become incompatable with their spouse. That does make me a little nervous because we've been together since we were 21. The person you are at 21 is not the person you are at 27, but we talk ALOT about our goals, dreams and aspirations and where the other person fits in. So far we are still on the same track and we plan to keep it that way.

You just a youngin!!! ;)
 

Here I'm thinking you're around 30-something... Gwirrl you got all the time in the world!!! Good for you for taking it, because it could be a lot more BS... I know, I've been with enough fools to know...

Now actually planning the big event? Do you have to? Like is it expected. 'Cuz I'm tellin' yah, a destination event or a true dyed in the wool elopement is a good one... But you cannot have a family that has to be all up in it and willing to ack a fool...

My folks were already ackin' a fool after the my poor husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage... Like talkin' 500 people showin' up at the door who DID NOT RSVP...

And websites are fine... But folks still ack a fool and cut up...

Re: You just a youngin!!! ;)
 

We are thinking about having the wedding summer 2008. I've waited 5 years, I can wait 2 more. We have started looking into some things so we know how much money we will need to save. So far we can't agree on a color scheme. Of course I said crimson and creme, he said hell no. Actual his AKA sister says she's not coming to a red and white wedding:) I'm going to miss her being there:D

Girl as for the family acking a fool, I'm not worried, cause I'm paying for the wedding. Anybody ack up, they will be told off with the swiftness. My wedding, My money, my say-so. Can't deal with that? Tough nuggies. They don't like anything, they don't need to come. The only person that needs to be there is my mother and she is a very reasonable person. I'm also not worried about people showing up that didn't RSVP cause we not inviting that many people cause we don't know that many people. But I will take any words of advise you or others here on GC has to offer. I know myself and somebody gonna get told off before this thing is through:)