for my friends wedding, five of us got together and bought her, a bar set. it was a cute 15 piece set and only spent $20 each. she was very pleased with our decision and sent us each a thank you card.

I'm late to this thread...and I'm not sure if you want another choir member here, but..

1) 43 is WAY too many for 1 shower. I agree w/ honeychile - she should've had 3-4 (I had 4, of about 20 women each). Geez, I'd have hated to be a guest at the shower, and had to sit while the bride opened 42 other gifts. Zzzzzz....! How did it go, anyway?

2) As if you needed to hear it again, do NOT go along with the big cash gift. Just say, "Sorry, I already bought a gift." Short & simple. Personally, I never go for big group gifts - that's so unoriginal.

3) as for the gift - the sentimental ones mentioned are great. It's true - the best gifts are the ones that people put thought into. I love the photo collages I received. One friend used wedding pics she took & put them in those picture coasters...LOVE IT!

BTW, some of us brides DO remember who got us what....which is why I always try to get the same thing for every bride. I try to always get the coffee maker. (Quick note: I think I jinxed myself with getting everyone coffeemakers...because now we're living in Seattle!) Anyway, every time that I make coffee, I can honestly say I think of the couple who got us our coffee maker.

It was the most beautiful bridal shower ever. 32 attended including the bride who apologized to me and was incredibly gracious. Everyone had a great time. The gift opening went really quickly.

I figured out what inspired the outburst. Another bridesmaid was upset about some of the planning of the shower. Apparently, she blasted the bride which transformed her into bridezilla and explains her out of character behavior. This BM has been generally snarky and hostile lately, but not to me. I'm ignoring her.

ladypi I agree with valkyrie, GeekyPenguin, etc. Just say no thanks and go ahead with your own plans for a gift.

Thanks ya'll for the great advice. I emailed the sister this morning about the big cash gift. This is what I said,

"Hey! I think it's a great idea you have about collecting the money. Unfortunately, I have already gone in with my parents and we purchased a great gift for [bride] and [groom] that I am excited to give them, so therefore I will not be participating in this collection.

Please let me know if you there is anything I can do or be in charge of for the weekend of the wedding once we all get to [place of wedding] to make [bride]'s big day go smoothly. I am willing to help out in any way possible for her.

Thanks and I can't wait to see everyone,"

I tried not to stir up anything (I am super straight forward too!) and be eloquent and gracious. So what's done is done! I am over it!

Thanks again ya'll!!!!!

Good Job! Way to be a "Lady"Pi. Let us know what she responds with!

I think your response was perfect. You made your point, but it wasn't confrontational or rude. Good job! :)