Re: Re: Discretion
 

I am so sorry that you had to deal with such nasty people on your job. Your father is right though, you should report this ASAP. This is sexual harrassment that you are talking about.

Is there an EEO at your job or some other person who deals with these kinds of situations? At my job, we were REQUIRED to take a sexual harrassment course and pass the exam afterwards. If you do make a report, they CANNOT retaliate against you. It is illegal for them to do so.

From here on out, document as many things as you can on paper (memos, e-mails, etc.). Don't let them think that what they are doing is appropriate or acceptable.

Bamboozled,

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. His behaviour is NOT acceptable and you should report it right away. It sounds like you have a very negative work environment and it should never be like that.

I agree with Fee Fee, and you should see someone in HR rightaway.

I struggled with whether to report it for a couple of days, but decided not to. I just didn't feel making my life more complicated over this a$$hole. It's been rumored around my department that he is leaving our firm at the end of September. I'm hoping it's true. In the meantime, I've been documenting everything. Fortunatley, he isn't my boss and I only have to see him about once a week (he works in a different office). Again, it was just a reality check for me. I went through a whole list of things I coulda, woulda, shoulda said, but alas, I let him off too easily. So, now when I talk to him, I am very direct and to the point. Once he tries to take the conversation in another direction, even just being friendly, I either say good-bye or walk away.

Re: Re: Re: TTT/Corporate space
 

I agree with what you are saying. There is a line to be crossed even when playing the "workplace friends or associates" game. Sex is out of line to me period. That may be the attorney- "you know I could sue you for this conversation" thing in me but whateva. To me those types of convos are something different from simply refusing to socialize in a work way with your co workers.

Re: Re: Re: Re: TTT/Corporate space
 

I work in the legal field, so I completely understand where you're coming from. ;)

How would you handle this?
 

I began my job in April of last year. This past Christmas everyone (3 other staff) came to work on the day before Christmas Eve with gifts for everyone.

1) I didn't know they did that since nobody mentioned it, but

2) Why would I buy gifts for folx I didn't even know?

When they gave me mine, I politely thanked them but really I was ticked off because I felt it was very presumptuous of them. On top of it all, there was no love loss between the executive director and the office manager, and he fired her two months later. Talk about hypocrisy :mad:


What would you all do this year?

At my previous job, I gave my co-workers a holiday card and my adminitrators Godiva chocolate. This year, I will probably give chocolate to my officemates.

If you had gotten to know and like the folx, that is cool. But do you all feel pressured to give gifts--regardless of the relationships?

Yes, wait to see if he leaves the end of Sept. I understand what you are saying about making your life more complicated. Unfortunately, while many companies have "open door," and "no tolerance" policies, in reality when you do report something you become labeled as a trouble maker and they will do subtle things to make your life miserable in hopes that you will quit. It is a difficult and frustrating situation.

To answer the original scenario:

When I was younger (like a week ago lol) I used to be really sensitive to some stuff. Its almost like I had a chip on my shoulder.

If someone said the wrong thing, or asked the wrong question, I got highly offended and felt uncomfortable.

I was super sensitized you might say. Like a bee sting, for most people its barely annoyance, some people swell up, others die right?

But during 8th grade I had an epiphany. I realized that most people didn't mean any harm at all, it was my sensitivity that was causing me harm.

For the most part, people were not being rude or what they would consider invasive, they were just genuinely curious or being friendly.

That made me realize that they didn't have a problem, I did. I had developed a problem that allowed othes to control my mental well-being without them even trying!

And it didn't do me any good. Being super sensitive was not in anyway improving the quality of my life or helping me succeed.

I realized that other people do not have an obligation to walk on egg shells because of my hang-ups. Earned hang-ups or not. It was a counterproductive way to think.

So I got over it. It took a few years for my emotional reaction to match my new intellectual understanding, but I faked it till I made it.

And with letting that go, I let other stuff go to that really wasn't all that important. It made me feel better an decreased my stress.

I just wanted to share.

If I knew that I was going to receive a gift, I would feel obligated to give gifts in return, albeit grudgingly. I would give everyone the same gift and make sure that it was something simple, like chocolates or gift cards. Or just tell them you're Jehova's Witness and you don't celebrate Christmas, lol.

Thanks for sharing, I guess. So basically, you're telling me to get over it, right? Honestly, I'm not surprised by your post. It was very typical. If you read this entire thread you will see that others would have felt the same way I did in this situation and, I believe, justifiably so. So, I guess we're just all too sensitive, right? I've said several times that I didn't think the question was asked maliciously and that I harbor no ill feelings towards my co-workers. Did you read that part? And to be completely honest with you, since you are not African-American (and I specifically mean someone whose ancestors were brought from Africa to America as slaves), your opinion holds no value. You have the luxury of knowing your family history, so how can you attempt to have an opinion on something you can't even begin to comprehend? The more I think about it, the more I'm appalled that you felt obligated to insert your two cents into a very productive thread. Therefore, I will not even entertain anything else you feel the need to add. Good day.

James,
I think I see what you were saying but for this "it's a Black thang--you wouldn't understand."

You took the words out of my mouth!!!

I have a problem with people telling me what I should and should not be sensitive about. You don't have to agree or understand. My feelings are valid.

No, I don't. It's weird. I guess I give gifts because I feel that it's just something you do. Also, I LOVE to give gifts. Shoot, I just think it's thoughtful. If I have money, and I see something a friend may like, I'll pick it up for them. Also, I've never really disliked or had a bad relationship with a co-worker before. I'm pretty easy to get along with.