Re: What the flood?
 

Tom Earp

Okay, so I have a male friend who, in my eyes, is OBVIOUSLY gay. My Sands says that she doesn't think so. I told her her gaydar is defintely broken. Either way, he now says that gay men have been approaching him and he is considering basically "going all the way."

During the source of their convo, she tells him that when he does, to have respect for the women he meets and let them know he sleeps with men. Also, that if he knew someone that she was messing with, he'd better tell her.
He said he wouldn't and was dead serious. She was darn near in tears and tried to convey a sense or moral responsibility on this brothah. He was like "there's a code that can't really be broken." She was like, so my life being at risk becasue I am dating a man who sleeps with men is okay? He had no answer. He then proceedes to tell her he know many a married man who slept with men. Also that married men are the most sought after because they are hetero. The fact that he is hesitant with whomever is showing interest, he says, makes the guy even more adamant.

She was pissed because she knows Lynn Chamberlain, who had had AIDS for like over a decade b/c her boyfriend while at Tuskegee, was bisexual and didn't tell her.

New label in the "HIV/AIDS research world?" First it was MSM and now it's MSM/W...I say, just be gay, be out...

I know there are typoes but I just can't spell check right now...sorry.

I was thinking the same thing. It seems trendy. not to say that there aren't some who are gay and secure in their orientation, but I see a lot of like, high school students who are not gay one day and then the next they are...literally.

I also think that the "down low" thing has been going on some time but before HIV, it remained just that. Now if a brothah gets HIV, it's almost guaranteed. 77% of men contract HIV through MSM, while 44% of women contratc via heterosexual...this is not based on race, in which 30% of Black men(MSM) and 32% women (hetero). ALso there are This and IDU are high but I digress.

Deltabrat, what I don't understand about the statistics is - are these down low men more likely to have *unprotected* sex than men who are heterosexual? If not, then I don't see how having sex with a man and then having sex with your wife/girlfriend would cause the disease to be xsmitted at rates higher than heterosexual cheating men.

Are we saying that they have diff protection habits from any other man who may cheat on his wife/girlfriend???

SC

Yes. That is what we are saying. Studies do show that a large number of MSM have unprotected sex with their male friends and then have unprotected sex with their female significant others. I agree, it's all a matter of changing behaviors. If everyone had protected sex, there'd be nothing to worry about.

Not to keep mentioning studies but...I went to an AIDS conference Friday and a Latino brothah had done three in depth case studies of Latino men crossing the border and the way that when one particular man came to Los ANgeles and became part of the "scene" was the first time he identified with being "gay/bi." Under some "code" most of the time he engaged, he had unprotected sex. When he went home to Mexico, he had protected sex (albeit with a man) because it was some type of "cultural code" in which haveing protected sex is necer really questioned. Not the ENTIRE culture but certain cultures there.

It spoke volumes with regard to the social, and cultural contexts within which people engage in risky sexual behavior.

w/ down low brothahs, it's similar. Also, what a lot of men say here, as well as men I interviewed in South Africa (remember I was there this past summer) is that there is some stigma attached if you been rollin' bareback for years and suddenly you strap up. Sistah might be like "uhm...WTF?" So I want to say that EVERYONE is not trying to NOT protect necessarily (excuse the double negative). There are those who fear accusation if they decide to protect. Let's not even mention if two folks are trying to have kids and the ways condoms act as a direct barrier to women's ideological roles as mothers and the emphasis placed on fertility in some cultures.

Okay...I'm done.

Thanks for that insight Deltabrat!

Can anyone tell me what the "code" is that would make a bi/gay man not use a condom?

SC