Whoooo Lawd!! That is FUNNY!!! It made me think of another one: "God don't like ugly, and he ain't to 'ticular 'bout pretty!"

My mother does not curse and she said in said of saying going to hell, she says "You all are going to HADES". lol, And so I we say "Hades".......

TEE HEE HEE...Eclipse, I got some people in MACON, G-A! Elite Ivy, my great grandma & grandma use to say a lot of the stuff you mentioned...However, two of my momma's favorite sayings that come right to mind are:

Umma turn you every which way, but loose!!!

and

(some time after the whuppn) she'd say: "You mad??? Then, scratch yo behind & get glad!!!"

I've used the second one on occasion...LOL!!!

Oh...I thought of one my auntie always says to me.."where you goin' with that bop-tail dress/skirt on???!!!"...one of my teachers use to say "you up the creek, w/o a paddle, in a hurry"...snicker snicker!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I just heard this one the other day...

This is used if someone cooks something and you don't like it or don't eat it...
You can eat poke and grit:
Translation...you can poke your mouth out and grit your teeth...

The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...
If a child "clowns, etc.", then 9 times out of 10, the parent "clowns, etc" too! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

so and so is crazy as a hatchet... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?

never let your right hand know what the left hand is doing...

TEE HEE HEE...Eclipse, I got some people in MACON, G-A! Elite Ivy, my great grandma & grandma use to say a lot of the stuff you mentioned...However, two of my momma's favorite sayings that come right to mind are:

Umma turn you every which way, but loose!!!

and

(some time after the whuppn) she'd say: "You mad??? Then, scratch yo behind & get glad!!!"

I've used the second one on occasion...LOL!!!

never look a gift horse in the mouth

don't bite the hand that feeds you...

if you keep your hand balled in a fist...nothing can COME IN and nothing can GO OUT...

ROTFL!!! Now, that's a thief!

I love this!! My Grandma was a trip. Here are some and hope I don't repeat.

1.Can a blind hog see his own a**?
2.Ain't got a pot to pi$$ in nor a window to throw it out of
3. Girl get your rusty behind in here (my mama's favorite). I almost thought my behind was really rusty--lol
4. I am too through (too tired)
5. You so dumb you don't know how to pour pi** out a boot and the direction say turn me down
6. I be there directly
7. You gonna catch your death
8. You gonna get overheaded in all this heat. (overheated)
9. Get your cotton pickin' behind in this house (I never realized the meaning of this until recently).
10. Confounded fool(old people cussing)
11. You can get worms by messing with old men or old women

Much Love

My Nana would also say (if she saw you with a short skirt or short shorts)...

"What you doin with that 'duck skirt' on?"
(I know you are like HUH???)

and then she'd follow up..."...chile bend over and you can see all her 'quack'"

That reminds me of when we used to pass McDonalds swearing we weer hungry asking my mama..."What we gonna eat?" She'd reply "Air pie and wind puddin" LOL http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

Men are like cows.Give a good bucket of milk then kick it over http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Okay, summa yall's folx up in heeya is fromda ol' souf!!!

Heeya summa mines frum my families... (Misspellings intended)

• "Must be, 'cuz must ain't don't soun rite!" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif
  
  "I's need ja' ta hep me..."
  
  "Ya, can lead a hauwse ta wata, but ya cain't mak 'em drink..."
  
  "A hauwse don't mis his wata, 'til his well runs dry..."
  
  "You lyin' lika boot!"
  
  "Let sleepin' dawgs lie..."
  
  "If the dog bites you the first time, it's the dogs fault. But if the dog bites you the 2nd time, then it's your fault... You keep coming around that dog!"
  
  "Don't let me tell ya where to go and how to get there..."
  
  "O, what webs we weave when we first try, try to deceive..."
  
  "Boys and books don't match..."
  
  "Yes, I'm serious, serious as a heart attack!"
  
  "Can't stand the heat, stay outta the kitchen!"
  
  "Too many cooks in the kitchen!"
  
  "Cain't squeeze blood out of a turnip..."
  
  "You can catch more flies with honey than you do with salt..."
  
  "What's wrong wit chew? Ain't chew got no commen sense? Chew ain't got no KINNA commen sense!"
  
  "I ain' neva heard nuthin' like dat!!!" (For the triple negatives)
  
  "Hire yo Paint! Let's get where we ain't..." (From the Lone Ranger shows, Tonto would say it...)
  
  "Hello everybody, Hello..." (From some song)
  
  "Gimme got caught in a soda water bottle..." http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif (don't ask...)
  
  "What chew tink dis heeya place is? Da "Do Drop Inn"???"
  
  "Leave well enuf alone..."
  
  "Pretty is as pretty does"
  
  "He got 'Cain't cha don't cha hair"-- cain't cha comb it, don't cha try..." http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

And last but not least, how every grandma replies when she is barely listing or doesn't care...

Sho 'nuff

[This message has been edited by AKA_Monet (edited March 21, 2001).]

Most of the things my grandmother and great grandmother says/said were already mentioned but one that I used to hear very frequently is "Gimme what got u here." Implying two things, either (1)you'd better ask for things politely, or, (2)you'd better do something to make me think you deserve to get what it is you want.

OOOOhh, just thought of a couple more:

"Dog bite yo liva (liver)!!!"
"Kiss my uncle's draws!"
"What in the helicopter is going on it here?"

I like this one!! Here are some regulars with my family:

*That person is hotter than "fish grease" or "cleaner than the Board of Health."
Translation: The person looks really nice.

*What's ailing you?
Translation: What's wrong with you?

*Make haste!
Translation: Hurry up!

*Do you want some tee?
Translation: Do you want something to EAT?

*I'm not going to use any more of your juice.
Translation: I am about to get off this
telephone.

Is it just me or does anyone else have that grandparent/great-grandparent who is looking right at you and calls you by every name BUT yours. Then they get mad when you don't answer.