Valid point, AKA2D '91
You answer first! Anyway, on the real, I admit, it might be hard to forgive. We men are too territorial. But, you dodge the question. Would you tell?

I really and truly can not ever imagine myself doing that, and can only think that if I did cheat it would be because there was already a problem with the relationship and I wanted a way out.

If I cheated I feel like the only reason I'da done it was so I could tell!

Lovely, I hear you, but I am still playing the role, okay. Are you saying that wanting a way out justifies cheating?

I'm not saying wanting a way out will justify cheating- I think that it is terrible to deliberately hurt another person that way instead of just being honest and telling them you don't want to be with them.

I was just trying to think of why the heck one would do something so destructive. I don't think that there is a justification for cheating personally (I'm sorry if people think I am being harsh, this is just my feeling on the subject). If you're not happy with your relationship then leave! You won't make anything better by staying and hurting the other person.

Then: NO, Now: Leave the relationship PRIOR to the act
 

Nope. :o. I'd tell him after he made me :mad: . ;) :p (That was me a couple of years ago).

Now, instead of cheating, I'd just end the relationship.

Very true. I too cannot understand cheating, Lovely, but I am trying not to put myself above Professor. He truly loved his lady. I remember his excitement whne he proposed. Thus, as a fellow man, I know he is not as bad as some people are out to make him.
There is no excuse for cheating. None. I have never cheated, and don't intend to. But I understand how hard it would be to come clean. That's the scariest thing. Can't you ladies relate. How would you react if your man came, weeping, telling you he had just failed you?

Ah ha!!!! *pointing at AKA2D '91*

Just kidding.

It depends on the relationship.

THe easy answer would be to kick the bastid out, lol. But it really depends on our history- what is our bond, do we have kids, etc. If there were children involved I might try to work it out.

I would probably break off the relationship, but I think before I did I would just want to know why. I don't think that people just cheat. There has to be a reason. What was lacking in our relationship for this to happen. If the cheating stemmed from a problem between the two of us then I might want to work it out but I HONESTLY don't know if we would ever get past it.

Hmmm, tough question.

ah ha what?
 

personal growth, development, deliverance and maturity....IT'S A WONDERFUL THANG! :p ;)

LOL @ AKA2D '91. You ladies keep me on my toes...

It seems there is always an overwhelming reason to know "why". Why is that?
Another question: it is said that women are ill-equpied to deal with a mates infidelity. How do you feel about this?

Don't change the subject...we're still flipping the script.
 

you never answered my question....go back, brotha go back!

:D


(I'll see what you have to say in the AM)
:cool:

what will you GAIN by telling?....NOTHING!
 

I agree that a person should never cheat. But if its done its done. If that person is TRULY sorry, they should never do it again.
People are acting like I'm crazy for telling Proffessor not to tell. Why don't you tell Proffessor what he will GAIN by telling?
Somebody said that if his wife finds out on her own, she made take the kids, the house, etc....do you think she wouldn't do that ANYWAY if he told her? that makes no sence. If he wants to PREVENT his kids from the pain of divorce, PREVENT unrest in his happy home, PREVENT his wife from going thru all the pain and emotional devistation (from which she will be SCARRED for life), then he shouldn't tell her. The urge to tell comes from guilt. This guilt will not be alleviated by telling. He should carry the burden of guilt and spare his wife AND kids from the pain of his actions. What she don't know woun't hurt her...why destroy what you have? It doesn't make sence. Knowing you did the right thing does not produce a better outcome than saving your wife and kids from the pain. So please tell me what possible gain he can get from confessing. explain to me how the positives of telling outweight the negatives of keeping it to himself.....they DON'T.

for the sake of your wifes self-esteem and mental well being
for the sake of your kids

DON"T TELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can honestly say that yes, I would tell my husband! I care about his LIFE too much to allow him to be intimate with me after another man has been...well, you know! We always "joke" that if one of us cheated, we should "make up" reasons to either A.) not have sex with each other until we could find the words to confess; or B.) "create" some uncomfortable rash, etc. in the nether regions that would necessitate using birth control/safe sex mechanisms we do not currently use (e.g., condoms). Meaning, if you've just GOT to have sex with me after cheating on me, at LEAST respect my life enough to protect me from your potentially disease-ridden pee-pee!

Regardless of what he might think of me after telling him, my husband's LIFE AND HEALTH are more important to me than saving face and not telling him. HE deserves the truth so that HE, not I, can make the decision to stay with me or leave. When you mess up, YOU DON'T get to control how the other person behaves!!!! You can't tell them to not "blow it out of proportion"; you can't ask them when they want to stop hearing you say/show that you're sorry; you can't tell them how to grieve, when to be mad, when to forgive you, etc.

This is one of the reasons (besides my promise made to him and God on the marriage altar) that I wouldn't cheat, cuz I don't ever want to have to confess. I've been there before, and it ain't pretty.

In this specific situation, I think Professor should pray on it, take a deep breath, and tell her! Man up and be prepared for the consequences, cuz they're going to be there, whether you tell her today, in a year or never. May the Lord bless you and keep you both.

Thank you all for your input -especially those that sent PM! In addition I ask that my GC family not hold this over my head. For the record, this has been a really difficulty thing for me to come to terms with. I have decided not to tell. I plan to just move on and not think about the "accident." I know many of you think this is the wrong choice and I respect your opinions. For me this is the best decision. By telling I stand to loose the best thing that has happened to me and I can't risk it. Those that know the words and the worth of prayer, please remember me.:(

I know you've mad your decision but I can't help saying that what you are doing is the most selfish thing ever. She has the right to possibly be with a man that will respect her every moment of the day whether he is physically around her or not. Or at least she deserves honesty from the man who claims to love her. By not providing her with the same choice you had (which is to be with someone else), that is just plain SELFISH. I pray to God that WHEN this woman finds out (and she will believe me because your guilt at sometime will shine through and SHE WILL figure it out or someone else may tell) that she does not suffer as much embarassment as I'm sure she will. Meaning, she will be thinking about how long your boys might have known or others may have known (even if they didn't, she will think it) and how everyone saw her being the loving wifey to you and all the while you had it good 'cause you could do what you wanted and still keep her. It will be embarassment on top of everything else.

It sounds like you've made up your mind but I say if you love her, give her the chance to decide how her life should be and with whom, be it you or someone else. Doesn't she deserve at least that?!!!!! Doesn't she deserve to be as happy with someone as you were the night of your "accident" :rolleyes: ?

If she does this to you, I guess you would want her to be selfish and say that she won't tell you either because she doesn't want to lose you. And so then does it become okay for you both to keep cheating on one another and not tell because neither one of you want to lose the other one? Why not just make it a habit and never tell each other the truth about anything?

I'm sorry for being so harsh. I am just so sick of people being completely selfish in this day and age in all aspects of their lives. Always talking about what's best for them. Interesting :rolleyes: :mad: ? Where's the integrity and character?

Also, if you decided to tell, you never know if this woman may forgive you, see the good in you and try to work it out anyway. That does happen, you know. Also, if she stays with you after it all, maybe you having to tell her and see the pain in her face will DEFINITELY keep you from ever cheating again for not wanting to see her hurt like that again. Sometimes when a person has to SEE the consequences of their actions, it makes them avoid making those same bad choices again. Because other than that, what is to stop you from doing it again?

Not that you should care, but my issues aren't whether or not you can work it out, or if you're a good person (which you may be) but that first it shouldn't have happened in the first place and second now that it has happend she deserves some choices in this as well.

Please don't get mad at me for all my opinions, but you posted your business so I just replied. I will pray that things work out for you both the way God intends for them to.