I know she's young, but does she plan to practice medicine, or be a research scientist in a lab? My sister is a physician, and she is a sorority member who held an exec. board office. She remained highly involved during graduate school, even serving as chapter advisor for 3 years. Being a physician involves a great deal of interaction with every day people from all walks of life. Being in a sorority is a good way to develop social skills and respect/empathy for others.

Then you've made her decision for her.

PS You don't know what anyone here knows. Have a great day.

Good point. I appreciate your advice!

No doubt!! I am posting here asking for advice about sorority involvement because I really don't know much about them.

I think ree was simply suggesting that you shouldn't presume to know what people here 'obviously have [any] idea about'.

You're worried. You're a mom with a daughter that you perceive as being different, and who is college bound, and you're worried. That's what I'm getting from all this posting.

If you search on this forum you'll find a treasure trove of suggestions on how to obtain recommendations. And the most important thing you need to know: don't ask anyone here to write a recommendation. No. No. No.


What you cited as a behavior example is not unusual, and MY OPINION: sounds like she is finished with high school and is just putting in her time.

Again, you can search this forum for information. Hazing is not tolerated in any of the NPC sororities; does that mean it never happens? No. I will tell you that there are significant consequences when hazing is uncovered. Again, a search on this forum will give you some information that will address your concern.

Sororities should NOT be a factor in college selection. Some of what you're posting is contradictory. You say it isn't important, but then it is. Fact: your daughter is going to fail at something. We all do. Rejection is inevitable for everyone. You can't cushion this for her and the sooner she doesn't win or get her way at something, the quicker she's going to mature and become a more compassionate person.

Further, you've referred more than once to her "impatience" for those "on the other end of the spectrum". Tolerance for everyone is something that your daughter will want to possess in abundance, b/c when she gets to college, she's going to discover that she is an "average" student. Trust me on this. The playing field is completely different and a whole lot more challenging. And graduate school (whether law, medicine, or another field) narrows that playing field even more. She may have a high IQ, but that won't amount to a hill of beans if she can't get along with the other 99.6% of the population.

This. I could NOT agree more.

Do you mean this to come across as arrogant and elitist as it sounds? Being of "higher ability" does not in any way equate with the far more important virtues of kindness, empathy, inclusivity, charity and generosity of spirit. Those are qualities that sororities try to foster and it sounds as if they might be helpful to her.

Of course, she will have to contend not only with sisters who rival her for awesomeness, but also sisters who might try her patience for a variety of reasons. Many of my beloved, adorable sisters were completely average--and I learned more from them than from the superstars.

^^^^^^^ THIS THIS THIS^^^^^^^ thanks, Katmandu.

I guess i was against her involvement in a sorority until I read some of your posts; I will need to reconsider as the activities described might be a good fit for her. Now it is just a matter of whether she would want to do dance team and a sorority at the same time or perhaps just do dance team. Another option would be to minor in dance and rush for a sorority. Thanks everyone for taking the time to point out some considerations we should keep in mind!!

No. I am not being elitist. I am being honest in my assessment and realize that she needs growth in this area.

Okay, I'm gonna bite....So I wasn't on dance team, but I was/am very gifted academically, and I obviously joined a sorority.

Rush was tough for me when I was a PNM. I hate making small talk and I am not particularly good at it. Getting gussied up and painting my nails and all that stuff seemed frivolous to me then, and frivolous to me now. Cuts were rough, and that was surprising to me, because I thought that GPA/honors program/campus leadership/etc. would mean a lot to sororities. If you don't make a great first impression, it doesn't matter.

However, it turned out that rush on the active side was actually pretty easy for me. My ability to memorize huge amounts of information about the PNM's coming through made it easy for me to prepare, and I think that I learned what I need to do to be successful in these types of situations later in life. I know that if I am going to a networking lunch, for example, I need to think in advance about who will be there and some opening lines I can use for people I want to talk to, or to just think about some general questions I could throw out. At the same time, other people were happy to pick out my outfits, do my hair, etc.

I feel like I could go through every aspect of my sorority membership and give you the same sort of two-sided analysis: some things were tougher for me, some were easier, and then I learned something. I think your daughter's experience, if she is "different" from most women her age, will be different. But it can be rewarding, even if it is, sometimes, frustrating.

Nice to meet you. I've been dancing on dance teams and national competitions half my life. My IQ scores are placed in the "highly gifted" category. In high school, this made me different. I can get impatient with people who can't keep up with me and sometimes have trouble remembering not everyone thinks and learns the same way.

First thing I learned in college? There was nothing special about me. In college I was (and am) among many, many other gifted people, and people way "smarter". Most students here are winners, competitors, models, debate team captains, homecoming queens, cheerleaders with national titles and student body presidents.

Going Greek (or the equivalent of Greek life since I'm in school in Europe) has made me more social, and has taught me more than I'd ever imagine.

You can't succeed in life with just smarts and hanging out with people who are like you. Social behavior, wit, empathy, resolve and problem solving will get you a lot further.
Believe me, I know, it took me 8 long and hard years to learn that.

Do you understand that she will need to make these decisions, and not you?

The point that is being made is, once she goes to college your daughter is an adult who can make her own decisions. You have to let her do that.

If she wants to be in a sorority and on the dance team and manage her school work, then she will find a way.

The University of Arizona's School of Dance is one of the top departments in the United States. There are actives from Theta and every other NPC GLO on campus who are majoring in dance, achieving excellent GPAs, participating on Pom Line, holding office in their chapters, etc.

Just sayin'...

(and I love the posts from my Panhellenic sisters, confirming that getting along with others is the single most important skill in life to have. Well, okay, maybe they aren't saying that exactly, but that's the take-away message I'm picking up).