Touche! ;)

Okay, so maybe the thread title was not exactly what the OP wanted to convey, it wasn't intended that way. Worse crimes have been committed. Let's look at the positive. It did spark an important discussion and here's the thing- some PNM is going to see that title and wanting to know something about the mysterious world of recruitment seek information on how she can improve her chances.Hopefully all PNMs can get this: if you ask a friend to write you a recommendation for sorority recruitment, drop a thank you note. If you ask a stranger to write you a recommendation, make an extra effort to drop a thank you note promptly. It probably won't affect your chances one way or t'other but a cheerful thank you note is appreciated. Always.

One thing that got a little lost in the discussion was remembering that alumnae don't write recs just to help out PNMs. We do it in large part to help our own organizations. When a PNM or her mom or her friend ask you to write a rec, you get a great opportunity to share your sorority experience with that potential member. If you do a good job and leave a lasting positive impression that sorority women are friendly, positive, and selfless people who want women to join not just their specific GLO but all NPCs, you create that ripple effect of good will that spreads from that one PNM to her mom and her sister and her friends. It's a blessing. If the thank you note is a little tardy or maybe never even shows up, let it go. Somehow you did a good deed that will pay off...you'll just have to take it on faith. :)

^^^ Perfect!!! :)

As much as I hate doing it, I send thank you notes a lot. It doesn’t have to be anything over-the-top.. just a nice way of letting someone know that you appreciate something they’ve done for you.

Knowing little to nothing about recs, I still wouldn’t request that someone write one for me without sending a thank you. It seems weird to me to not include even a post-it note that said those two, short words. Just like I thanked every one of the teachers who wrote me letters of recommendation for college, I would thank any sorority member who wrote me a rec, as well.

Btw – I always send a thank you note/letter/email following a job interview. I only think it’s polite, and even if it doesn’t help my chances, it definitely can’t hurt. However, I actually had a job interviewer comment on the fact that I sent a thank you note. She said it was refreshing to know that the practice wasn’t completely lost on younger generations. I didn’t get THAT job, but for what it’s worth, I did get a phone call back from her 2 months later where she offered me another position, which I gladly accepted. Whether or not that thank you note made her think of me first, I don’t know. But again, I’m sure it didn’t work against me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel (Post 2060655) I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

Thank you! It was only a few posts/posters in before people started assuming that this is a “southern thing.” How anyone could deduce that from a few comments about the original post, I don’t know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2060710) I was going to say - maybe the girls don't send thank you notes because they don't know if the women wrote the rec and have no way to find out? I mean isn't that kind of like sending a thank-you note before someone even sends you a present, just assuming they will do so? I would feel quite silly if I wrote a TY note to someone thanking them for the birthday present and never got anything.

You don’t have to specifically say, “Thank you for writing a rec…” You could keep things vague. Using Blondie93’s example ‘thank you,’ I have included one small change:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93 (Post 2060733) "Thank you for taking the time to review this information. I recognize that your summer is busy, and appreciate that you would offer to help. l look forward to attending ABC university and can't wait to participate in recruitment."

..or something like that.

^^^ Yes. I like your change much better than the way I had it. Thanks.

I'm in the midwest, and my office recently hired a new staffer. Two of the three finalists sent thank-you emails to everyone they met at their callbacks; one did not. The successful candidate was one that did. Yes, it's partly that it shows ongoing interest in the job. But the bigger issue is that jobs in my field include lots of client communication and building relationships with outside entities. It is very important to us to see evidence that a candidate thinks about and follows rules of etiquette.
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HotWetPussy4u live

Ok, so I just re-read my original post, and I see now how it could come across to some that I the purpose of my post was to complain that I hadn't received a thank you note for the rec that I'm writing. That really wasn't my intent. I live in an area with a very active alumnae panhellenic association that provides PNMs with a lot of information about how to prepare for sorority recruitment (sample resumes, examples of how to contact alumnae and ask for recommendations (including specific instructions to send thank you notes for those recommendations), what is appropriate to wear for recruitment (not university specific, but more like not too short, too low-cut, etc.). She had obviously followed all instructions to a tee, with the exception of any sort of acknowledgement or personal note/post-it, etc. to the alumnae (I assume that everyone received a packet identical to mine) writing her recs. It was with this frame of reference that I wrote the post, and I was thinking about how she had obviously spent hours and hours preparing her info packet but overlooked the thank you (or maybe she didn't know to send one, whatever). What I intended was a post reminding PNMs that it is polite to send a thank you for such a courtesy, and to do so. Maybe it will help them get a rec that is slightly better because the writer will think better of them, maybe not. I didn't mean to imply that I was holding anything against her, wouldn't write the rec, that if I send a glowing recommendation she would gain an instant bid, or that any particular part of the country has a monopoly on manners. I certainly have overlooked my fair share of thank-you notes over the years.

Regarding the specifics, I think that it is a good practice for the PNM to send the thank-you a week or two after she sends her packets to the alumnae because it will serve as a reminder that the rec needs to be written (if it hasn't been already) or will bring it to light if a packet has been misdirected in the mail. She shouldn't worry about feeling silly about sending it (a previous post said that she would feel silly sending it if the letter had not been written, like sending a thank you for a gift that hadn't yet been given) because the alumna has said that she would write the letter. Saying, "Thank you for sending a recommendation" works for either a past or future action. That's just how I would do it, though.

Sorry to have created a firestorm. It wasn't my intent!

Exactly. TY cards are a nice gesture, but by no means should be expected, especially if the person wasnt raised to do such, or have the social etiquette edcation to know such. We're talking 17 year olds who do a majority of communication by text/email/word of mouth. They may very well think saying "thanks" at the end of their email or saying thanks over the phone is enough.

Also, if their parents arent privy to the process, or that theyre even applying to be in a sorority, would mom/dad even know to remind the PNM to send a TY card?

Seriously. You didnt "take a hour out" of your day - it's part of your job/responsibility - as an employee to your company, as an alumni to your organization. If you don't want to do it, find a way to relieve yourself from the responsibility.

YES this is way more of an an offense than no TY card. Telling me you need something on a Thursday and its Wednesday night? UGH. HOWEVER, if you agree to do it on short notice, part of me thinks you forfeit the right to grumble about it. Yes, let the PNM know that it's really unprofessional to do such, but again, theyre 17. Professional isn't on their list of attributes yet.

Some time ago there was a thread about "being groomed to join a sorority from birth." The girls I get thank you notes from frequently fall into that category. They are the same girls that have been through Cotillion, etiquette classes, etc. It's not that the thank you note helps them get into a sorority, but I think that they (and their mothers) just seem to know the best way to collect recs and how to have a successful recruitment.

For girls who are new to Greek life, the idea of sending a thank you note might never cross their mind since many of them don't know what's involved. I am usually willing to cut those girls a little slack.

However, there is one girl for whom I wrote a rec and she actually pledged my sorority. I have known this girl since she was four and I was so excited for her. I actually contacted her after she pledged but I have never gotten a thanks or any kind of acknowledgment. Although her mother was not in a sorority, I did feel like she should have know better. So, yes, sometimes it bothers me.