are you my daughter?

: )

There are a number of threads on here about women who went through recruitment a second time and did well. Often their first choice the second year was different than their first year’s. You grow up a lot in a year, and your perspective changes. It’s cool if you find your Prince Charming, er, House Charming, but it’s not necessary in order to have a good Greek experience. When I went through I was clueless about recruitment and sororities. I thought they were all elite. I was on a competitive campus, I didn’t know to get any recs, I was an OOS transfer and didn’t know anyone, and was technically a Junior going through formal freshman recruitment. I had a snowball’s chance, yes?

I ended up with two houses for pref. There were only a handful of girls in each I would have chosen to sit next to in the cafeteria in HS, but there WERE those 10 or so, so I accepted a bid. It’s at least as many as I would have been close friends with in a 972-person dorm where everyone pretty much lived in their own world. There were 30,000 students on my campus. No one cared where I lived or what groups I was a member of. The house – the thing you live in – was drop dead charming, and I felt like I really contributed something to the growth of the chapter. I found good friends; and the structure pushed me to be a better student, more involved in the community, and made me learn how to manage a project successfully, a skill I have needed time after time.

After I became an alum I realized that the one I chose had a stellar national reputation with elite chapters all over the place, many of which I probably wouldn’t have gotten into, and I had accidentally acquired membership in an organization that I was way proud to be a member of. When I joined my alum chapter it felt like going through recruitment and getting a bid from the most outstanding chapter on campus!

Every chapter here has a strong national presence, and the four or five weakest at Bama are among the strongest nationally. Even if you end up choosing the second time around the one you dropped the first time, you will find the ‘lifetime’ thing means finding sisters all over the country that make you proud to be a member. Good luck and best wishes.

can somebody tell me what would happen if they did not allow high school juniors or seniors to attend sorority functions and gave everyone more of an equal shot at getting to know the chapters. of course that (attending as a high school student) can work against you, too, if there is someone at a house who you did not "connect" with who would not give you an invite back! just making an observation about what has been quoted on these threads!

There are many campuses which do not have high school students attend functions. What happens there? Basically, there are still those who will have an "in" (they know girls from their hometown and/or high school, have recs, are legacies) and those who don't. There is only so much you can do to give everyone "more of an equal shot".

Freakin' THANK YOU, KSUViolet for saying it! I don't feel the least bit sorry for the OP. Bama has one of the hardest freaking rushes. There were girls who weren't asked back to preference ANYWHERE. You had your chance. You blew it. Please don't assume that you will magically be asked to join the sisterhood of your choice (your #1) if you go through spring recruitment. The simple fact that ANY sorority at Bama asked you back to preference and you chose to turn them down (by not "seeing" yourself there) means you are acting like a spoiled child. If I feel sorry for anyone, it's the chapter you chose to ignore by not attending their preference.

She added recently that she did at least go to the party, and then decided to drop out.

I have told PNM's that unless they feel very uncomfortable with the chapter, they should accept the bid and give the chapter a chance. But if they truly do not feel comfortable at that house, it's ok to drop out.

Though dropping out in order to depend on a COB in the spring from a favorite chapter really is a horrible idea. That's a huge, huge gamble that likely will not pay off.

ETA: Thinking back on my own experience as a PNM on a campus with five chapters and I know that had I been left with only one choice, there are two chapters I would still not have joined, because I did not fit in at all. (Though I certainly would've gone to the parties. I have manners. :) ). But that leaves 3 counting my own in which I could've been happy in reality, though I single preferenced at the time. I think that sometimes PNM's just don't see it.

I still don't feel bad for her. I commented in another thread this week that I wish girls would see the prize in front of their eyes. Bama is a tough school to go through recruitment. The fact that ANY chapter wanted her, on such a competitive campus, says something. Let's say she doesn't get to go through spring recruitment because everyone does so well that they don't really need it...then what? She will then be a sophomore attempting to get a bid.

She didn't even go into recruitment whole-heartedly. She went in half-assed because she even said she didn't get recs. for all of the houses. She should feel grateful she was asked back to that preference. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. You put in minimal effort and you get poor results, in return. Oh, well.

I'm not saying I feel sorry for her, I'm just saying that if the PNM goes through recruitment until the end and is left with one choice that they have a solid reason for not wanting to join, then sure, drop out. If they feel at all comfortable, then they will probably be happy in the chapter once they start the new member period, but if they truly feel uncomfortable there's no point in wasting their money and everyone's time.

darn - i had a long post typed out and i lost it.

als463 - i think you are being a little harsh. or worse.

if a girl goes thru the whole process and ends up only with a match to one sorority that was never on her list of preferences, then i don't think you should be so judgemantal and calling her a spoiled brat.

the process is supposed to be mutual selection. if you only end up with a choice that you really didn't choose, then it really wasn't mutual, was it?

I think what she was getting at is that you have to be willing to give the chapter a chance.

As I've said, if a PNM feels very uncomfortable at a house, then fine. If she had a good time at all, she should try it out. That's my opinion, anyway.

I'm sorry. I guess I didn't realize you were in a sorority. That's the problem. It is "mutual selection" and some girls don't seem to get it. Bama has a very active Greek life. All of the sororities have SOMETHING to offer. When girls go through recruitment at such a competitive school and then complain that they didn't feel "right in that house" or with "those girls" what the person is really saying is that she does not see herself in a lower-tier house. The opportunity to be Greek is something you should consider a privilege and not a right.

The only way you should feel "uncomfortable" joining a sorority at Bama is not because you don't "feel a connection" but, because they are all a bunch of seal-clubbing, charity-hating freak shows. Bama does not have ANY of that. Once again, I don't feel bad for the OP or any other girl who goes to a very competitive Greek school and turns down the opportunity to be Greek.

I disagree that's the only reason to feel uncomfortable. Here's an example from a friend of mine: As a freshman she dropped out of recruitment because she felt her pref choice was too heavy on drinking and partying (they had brought it up three times over the course of the week). Now were there girls in the house that didn't drink? I'm absolutely sure there were. But the ones she happened to meet acted like anyone who didn't get shitty all the time was no good, and she wasn't up for it. (She repeated their comments to me, and I would've gotten the same impression she did.) It's hard for a freshman to have the perspective and guts to pledge a group after that experience and realize she can find a place in the house. She didn't go Greek and had an amazing experience in T-Town.

If the reasoning is that the PNM is too snobby to pledge a "lower-tier" sorority, that's silly and deserves no sympathy. But there ARE reasons to feel uncomfortable.

i don't post here much so i don't know how to quote.

when you said:

"what the person is really saying is that she does not see herself in a lower-tier house"

you don't know what you are talking about. that may be true for some girls, but i assure you, not all.

my DD dropped most of the old row right away. so, being in a "lower-tier" house was really not a problem for her.

every girl is different, and there are as many different reasons for wanting or not wanting to be a part of a particular house as there are PNMs!

Mike, you are right.
And even if the campus is 30% Greek (I don't think it's quite that high), then 70% of the students are NOT Greek.
I hope DD enjoyed recruitment to some extent, met a ton of people, and got a better understanding of Greek life by going through it. There are LOTS of other organizations to join and enjoy being a part of.
She'll do just fine!